Advice for non Catholic ceremony

My understanding is Catholic weddings are a huge annoyance if you aren't actually Catholic, because of the mass and the gap after the ceremony. I would encourage you never to do something that doesn't align with your and your FH's beliefs. Unless having your godfather there is the most important thing, I would continue with your original plans and if he chooses not to come, that's his loss.

I’m Catholic and find it hard to believe that a spiritual director would tell someone not to go to a family member’s wedding just because it isn’t at a church. I really hope that somehow that isn’t true because that is terrible advice in my opinion! It’s not our place to lay judgment on anyone that has different beliefs. If you’re not a practicing Catholic, then you shouldn’t be having a Catholic ceremony anyway! In my opinion, that would be more disrespectful to the church overall. I think you should proceed with your plans as they are and I hope your godfather changes his mind and comes to realize that forcing that isn’t the answer. I’m sorry to hear that he says he won’t go. Good luck with everything!

Honestly never heard of this. Honestly while I understand that different denominations and faiths have their own rules, this sounds very extreme. Godfather is missing out on many experiences that way. God exists in nature correct? If you and fiancé are Catholic, what makes your wedding taboo for him to attend? Unless he has taken vows as a clergy that prevent him from setting foot in a non-Catholic building or outdoor space, it seems odd. From my perspective I would think grandpa takes priority here since you have chosen him and it’s not anyone else’s place to judge. Sorry I don’t have any specific advice but I hope you are able to figure out something that works for everyone. Or people can decline if they choose.

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My family is mostly Catholic and they have attended many non Catholic events with zero repercussions. This is definitely a cop out as a way to say “I don’t want to go because you aren’t doing it my way” without actually saying it. Agree though that a non practicing Catholic should not have a Catholic ceremony.

View Quoted Comment I agree with this. I was raised Catholic and practiced into my 20s and I’ve never heard of anyone telling someone they can’t attend a wedding because it’s a non-Catholic wedding.


I’d put your foot down and just let him know that he’ll be missed. Is it awful? Of course. But if I had to guess, he’s trying to manipulate you into marrying in the church and that’s terrible.

So sorry that you’re going through this. My FH and I are non practicing Catholics as well. I would move forward with whatever vision you have for your wedding/ceremony and let your godfather decide whether he wants to be a part of your special day or not. Or maybe ask him what other doable compromises would make it more possible for him to attend?


My FH and I are not having a Catholic mass/ceremony, but there will be just a few traditional Catholic elements (some readings). Maybe something like that would help your Godfather get more past the issue he has.

The Catholic Church recognizes marriages performed in other denominations and there is nothing in Catholic Tradition or even (small t) tradition that forbids attending non Catholic weddings.
It is also interesting that your grandfather, as a practicing Catholic would think that a priest will perform a ceremony or blessing in a non Catholic church, and that he is following dictates from a spiritual advisor and not Catholic doctrine.
Which is to say, your grandfather is making up roadblocks to your marriage and will come up with other things too, so it’s best to not try to appease him and have the wedding you want.

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I would be actually worried about the influence of a "spiritual advisor" who in the name of Catholicism tells someone to actually disrespect someone different or ignore a loving person's special day... :-(

About what the Catholic Church recognises however - I think that's not that simple. Of course, weddings between two religions are possible, etc, but it must be an ecumenical wedding, in wich one person must be catholic. Being catholic I married a protestant in his church and I'm not married at all for the catholic church, as it's not a sacrament for the protestants...

View Quoted Comment I could possibly be wrong, I’m drawing on my experiences as a CCD instructor and my tine in RCIA. I had a short term marriage non-Catholic wedding and still needed to have an annulment after my divorce so that I could have my marriage to my ex con validated for conversion. This was over well over 20 years ago, though. The reason our marriage was valid was because we were not Catholic when we were married and entered into the marriage following the beliefs of our non-Catholic church. Perhaps this only applies to people who come to the church to convert after already being married?
I do know that even if the marriage is not recognized as a sacrament, it still “counts” in the sense that one still needs an annulment in order to marry someone else in the church. There is a special annulment for it, called “lack of form” and is much less involved than the the process to annul a Catholic wedding. And MUCH quicker to get approved.

That’s weird. We are Catholic and I’ve never heard of being not allowed to attend a non-Catholic wedding

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Well, maybe it depends on the country, too...? Here in Europe if we get a legal divorce, the protestant church recognises it automatically and the marriage is over in the church also, and we can remarry - in the same church or in a catholic one. But in a catholic church, it's for life and to remarry in the same church, one needs to get an anulement that you wrote about.

View Quoted Comment Over here, if your previous marriage wasn’t Catholic and ended in divorce, you do still need an annulment to have a Catholic wedding, but it’s much easier to get, because it’s based on the marriage not being Catholic vs. based on the reasons the marriage broke down.

A priest is not going to give another person the blessing to perform a wedding. I'm sorry he's being difficult but you need to go and do what you wanted originally like everyone else on this thread has said. Your marriage can be blessed by a priest at a later time if that's what you want. I was actually talking to a family friend this weekend who married his wife at a court house, but when they went to have their children baptized in the Catholic Church, the priest offered to marry them in the Church at the same time.

I think having your grandfather marry you is beautiful. We asked my Godfather to marry us and he agreed. My FH doesn't practice and I have become more non-practicing in recent years. I would have loved to get married in the Church but only if it was by a priest that I loved and respected, because I have always thought the priest or pastor at a Church can set the whole tone for the congregation and is what will make me want to come back to that Church. Unfortunately, the few priests I would have liked to marry us are now all out of state.

My view has always been that God will be at your wedding regardless of where and who marries you, if everyone present shares in the love you both have for each other. If your Godfather can't see that, that's his problem