J
Just Said Yes August 2023

Advice : best friend is copying and trying to one-up !

Jessica, on November 17, 2021 at 2:50 PM Posted in Community Conversations 0 18
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Hi everyone please i need advice.

My

My best friend copies me costantly - my boyfriend got me a promise ring, she got one after; we bought a house, she did after, ETC. you get the deal.

She has been engaged for two years and was starting to wedding plan when the pandemic hit. when life started getting back to normal she still did not resume wedding planning.

but then recently My boyfriend proposed and i got engaged ! I have been so excited but now she has suddenly started resuming her wedding planning because i have started mine.

Normally this would be an exciting time to go through this with a good friend but now she is feeding off and copying any ideas i have in the wedding planning process. its as if she doesnt have a mind of her own and needs to follow my lead.

because of her constant copying, i had to keep her in the dark about my wedding plans and my dress - but she decided to creep my instagram page and followed ALL of my wedding vendors , fishing for answers i wouldnt give her!

Now she has my photographer booked for engagement shoots, and bought her wedding dress at the exact same bridal store as mine , and she wants me to go help her decide between two dresses even though she already said yes to the dress - My gut is telling me that she wants me to make her the center of attention to shift my focus and planning to her , and to rub in my face that she got her dress at my store - THE only good thing is that she has no idea what my dress looks like , so she has gotten a different style than mine.

Should i go to her bridal appointment even if she already said yes to the dress and be subject to her taunting? or should i ditch and make an excuse, considering her motives and her constant one-up and copying ( by the way she acts like an innocent angel ; thinking i dont know what she has been doing)

18 Comments

Latest activity by Ashley, on November 28, 2021 at 12:50 PM
  • B
    VIP July 2017
    Becky ·
    • Flag

    I don't think this person is your friend . . .

    • Reply
  • Cece
    Rockstar November 2022
    Cece Online ·
    • Flag
    Tbh I’m not sure if your friend is trying to “copy” you, or if you’re just reading too much into it. You say you got a promise ring, then she did. But giving her a promise ring is a decision her spouse made, not her. You also said you bought a house, then she did. I have a hard time believing someone made such a huge financial commitment just to copy someone else. It simply sounds like you are both at the same stages in your lives. Just because someone does something after you doesn’t mean they are copying you. For example, she was engaged before you… since you got engaged after her does that mean you were copying her?? I honestly don’t see anything wrong with her purchasing a gown at the same store or using the same photographer- it’s not like she purchased the same dress or asked the photographer to shoot her photos in the same location and all the same poses. We had 3 different friends ask for our photographer’s info after they saw & loved our photos, and we happily passed on the info. You say she’s “acting like an innocent angel; thinking I don’t know what she’s been doing”…. Maybe that’s because she hasn’t been doing anything wrong at all. It sounds like she’s super excited to be sharing in this experience with you and has no idea you are thinking these things about her.
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  • Christy
    Devoted April 2022
    Christy ·
    • Flag
    I don’t mean to be offensive, but this sounds very immature. First off, I would agree with the previous poster that it doesn’t sound like she is “copying” you. (2) I would also ask you: Is this really your “good” friend? It doesn’t sound like you respect or trust her. What’s wrong with anything she’s done so far? Booking your photographer is not “copying” your idea. I asked every bride & former bride I know (1) who was your photographer (2) caterer (3) florist? Does that mean I’m copying them? I asked them where they bought their gown. I asked others about literally EVERY possible vendor. Not one single person had any issue with it. They didn’t try to keep me in the dark. They were happy to share their experiences because they are my friends. I guess if she picks the same date or theme as you with the same elements and details…then you’d have a better argument. But not with what you’ve got here. Sorry for being so blunt.
    • Reply
  • Allaura
    Dedicated November 2022
    Allaura ·
    • Flag
    I mean I don’t think you should go because you wouldn’t be a very good friend to have at her bridal appointment. Take your negative enters and throw it out the window. Why can’t you be happy for her? It sounds like she was happy for you?
    Part of being someone’s friend is being happy for them and if you have an issue talking to THEM about it. Have a conversation, squash the pettiness and move on. But yea don’t go to her appointment if this is your attitude.
    • Reply
  • J
    Just Said Yes August 2023
    Jessica ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    Thanks everyone for your inputs - it’s hard for me give in depth context on a discussion board, but I have been happy for her up until she started feeding off my ideas for my wedding day - I understand people ask about vendors but she deliberately went to my Instagram and followed all my exact vendors rather than doing her own research - she has been right behind me every step in life seeing what I do next .. i understand the views you guys have and I have tried to say it’s in my head but it’s not. She truly has to always one up me or mooch ideas and I thought I’d get some advice of what to do here on this website from other brides who might have someone with eyes on them all the time seeing what they are doing - the wedding dress is in the dark I have not shown her pics because she would take the style of dress and get it as well. It’s a dilemma i have . Wanted to see if other brides have gone through this too with a close friend and what they have done
    • Reply
  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah ·
    • Flag
    She’s not a close friend if you really believe she just sits and waits for you to do something and then does it too. That’s not how adult friendships work. If you really believe this is what she’s doing/how she lives her life, I recommend distancing from her completely.
    • Reply
  • M
    VIP January 2019
    Maggie ·
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    Whether or not she is literally copying everything you do, or you are overreacting and reading too much into her actions, what's clear is that you don't like, trust, or respect her. That's reason enough to end the friendship. Do both of you a favor and say goodbye.

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  • Stacey
    Super May 2021
    Stacey ·
    • Flag

    People in the same phase of life generally have milestones happen at the same time (i.e. getting engaged, buying a home, having a baby, etc.). I don't understand how you call her your best friend when it doesn't seem like you even like her very much and are this spun up simply based on who she followed on Instagram.

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  • Christy
    Devoted April 2022
    Christy ·
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    I think I can understand having a gut feeling that something isn’t right. If this is a close friendship that you want to save then you should be direct and ask her what’s up. If you can’t do that maybe it’s not a very healthy friendship (?) Do you think you could tell her how you feel?
    • Reply
  • Heather
    Rockstar November 2021
    Heather ·
    • Flag

    Oof! This is a tough one.. If you truly feel like she is copying you then I would confront her about it. If she was a best friend or good friend you should have that open communication.
    But don't be upset for her reaching out to the same vendors. Smiley smile Planning a wedding is not easy. It definitely wasn't easy for me at least lol. I reached out to so many of my married friends for recommendations for florists, alterations, photographers, videographers etc on who they used for their special day. Now that I am married I love coming on here to help brides in need because they too deserve a perfect day like I did with mine. However, did your friend ever ask you who your vendors were or asked for recommendations? it's okay to use the same vendors, BUT if she starts to take your ideas, use the same color scheme, and same basically EVERYTHING as your wedding then that is a problem lol.

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  • S
    Expert September 2022
    Sarah ·
    • Flag
    I have to agree with PP that you guys are probably just at the same time in your life so you’re reaching milestones around the same time. I wouldn’t call that copying.
    And I have to ask, how do you know she creeped on your Instagram and followed your vendors? The only way you would know is if YOU creeped on HER Instagram, so how is that much better?
    Honestly when I was looking for vendors I would see if anyone I knew followed them and then I would ask my friends about those vendors, that’s how you find someone you trust to work for your wedding. To me, it doesn’t sound like she is copying you or being malicious. I’m not sure what advice to give you other than to try to separate your event from hers.
    • Reply
  • Michelle
    Rockstar October 2022
    Michelle Online ·
    • Flag
    This person is not your friend. Don’t share details with her.
    • Reply
  • Kate
    Dedicated May 2022
    Kate ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    I agree with this! It just sounds like life changes that happen typically. More than likely you both will have children around the same time too and it’s not that she’s trying to copy you, it’s just life happening. I once had 3 friends all get married in the same summer. Some of the girls did have overlapping vendors, but all were super happy and supportive of each other. If you find a good vendor, share it, it doesn’t hurt you at all. Weddings are not supposed to be competitive, it’s about celebrating the love of two people.
    • Reply
  • Naomi
    Dedicated June 2023
    Naomi ·
    • Flag

    I would agree you shouldn't share too many details with her. By that I mean decor, style, colors, flowers...things you definitely want to represent you on your day. Vendors...give her that info. It isn't unusual to ask other people for suggestions in that area. As for the dress appointment I would absolutely go just to be sure she didn't "accidently" get the same one. I have a friend who is a one upper so I know what that feels like. Don't let it get to you though just be mindful of what you publicly share on IG and social media. Remember, imitation is the best form of flattery.

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  • Jacks
    Master November 2054
    Jacks Online ·
    • Flag

    She sounds like a person who is planning and living her life, much as all of us are.

    You don't sound like you like her much though, so... it's kind of sad that she's your best friend.

    • Reply
  • Lauren
    Savvy September 2022
    Lauren ·
    • Flag
    It’s not possible to have a totally unique wedding. Someone out there did that thing first, used that vendor, hired that caterer, got photos with that photographer, and used that venue.


    Every single of my friends have used the same bridal shop as I ended up with. And the same seamstress. I went there because I knew my friends had a good experience and I trusted them based on my friends experience.
    It sounds more like that you are upset at not being the center of attention versus her trying to be. If you’re that concerned, stop sharing details and tell her you want everyone to be surprised. You don’t owe anyone the specifics of your day.
    Don’t go to the appointment if you aren’t going to be supportive or excited for her.
    • Reply
  • Steph
    Dedicated May 2022
    Steph ·
    • Flag
    I have the same issue with my future BIL’s wife… except not for my wedding. Just everything else in life. She copy’s my style, what she thinks my attitude or mindset is (she fails at this every time) and her home decor and furniture even looks like the wish version of everything I have in our home! It’s very annoying and very difficult to hang out with someone who is like that. There are just people like us that like to be “outside the box” with people from our inner circle, so I definitely understand your feelings on this. However, I do agree with the person that said that you shouldn’t go to the appointment because you would have a negative attitude and it wouldn’t be a “good friend” move. It’s not easy to deal with copycats especially if you aren’t the typical “clique girl” type. Maybe just try to keep the details of your wedding on the hush, and be happy for her and let her make the decisions on her own wedding. If she asks you to help her choose between 2 things tell her “whatever makes you happy” and be happy for her. Using the same vendors is not a huge deal or even getting the dress at the same store… at the end of the day she didn’t get the same dress or the venue so that is a win. Also, some people need direction and that’s ok. Just do your best to be a good friend to her and support her because I’m sure she will do the same for you.
    • Reply
  • Ashley
    Savvy July 2022
    Ashley ·
    • Flag
    I understand what you mean, it’s an intuition and energy thing you feel and it’s annoying. Some people who are saying this is silly either lack discernment in their own life or are not that emotionally swayed by energy that feels uneasy.


    With that being said, do what makes you feel best. If you don’t want to go, don’t. If there’s a % of you that thinks you could be trippin, then go, be classy, peep game and place her in a new box in your life. Handle her in ways that puts your comfortability first
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