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Jocelyn
Savvy December 2019

Advice about no kid wedding

Jocelyn, on October 23, 2019 at 3:17 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 16
So my matron of honor had originally told me she wasnt planning on bringing her newborn baby to the wedding because she didn't want people touching her. Her baby will be 5 months old by the wedding date as an fyi. She had then decided to tell me she was going to bring her baby even though I had mentioned to her I was doing a no kids wedding. I didn't tell her anything then. And then on top of that, she angered my parents pretty badly when she didn't bring me a gift for my bridal shower and she didn't bring most of the stuff she told my mom she was going to bring (including almost no food) which resulted in my mom doing a ton of work last minute and more unneeded stress. I also don't feel like it's far to let her bring her newborn who will obviously be bothered by loud music st the wedding when her little one isn't part of the ceremony and I had to tell everyone not to bring their children. What's the best way to go about this? Anyone have an experience with this?

16 Comments

Latest activity by Cynthia, on October 24, 2019 at 2:54 AM
  • Amber
    Master February 2020
    Amber ·
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    I would tell her no children, like you have already. It's nothing personal. If she's as close to you as I would think she is (being that you asked her to be your matron of honor) then she should understand that.

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  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    Infants are typically the exception to the no children rule. They, quite literally, can’t be away from their mom. I don’t see how your shower has anything to do with her baby or how that baby’s needs have to be met. You’re within your right to tell her that her baby can’t attend, however, I would be prepared for her to back out as well.
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  • Nicole
    Devoted November 2019
    Nicole ·
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    Personally I feel like nursing babies are the exception to the "no kids" rule. However, if you feel like people will be offended just remind her that it's a "no kids" wedding, and that includes her baby.

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  • Anna
    Super August 2020
    Anna ·
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    I also agree that an infant is the exception to the no kids rule. We aren't having our friend's kids (just family kids) but my 1 bridesmaid will have a 6 month old. She needs to bring him. That's fine by us.

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  • Sara
    Expert February 2020
    Sara ·
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    I agree with the previous posters..infants are generally an exception to the rule..especially if they are breastfed. I honestly wouldn't have gone to a wedding when my daughter was that small if I couldn't bring her. Or I would have gone and only stayed a couple of hours. I didn't like spending any time away from her that wasn't necessary at that age.
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  • Sarah
    Devoted November 2021
    Sarah ·
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    Did she give you a reason for changing her mind? If the baby has no father around to take care of him, of course she will have to bring him. But a five month old can be away from their mother for an evening. I would just sit down with her, ask her about her reasoning, and explain that it's important to you for her to be completely present at your wedding and you feel like her son being there would interfere with it. Open a conversation so the two of you can completely understand the situation from the other's perspective and you can make the best decision.
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  • L
    Lady ·
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    Infants are almost always the exception to the "no kids" rule, especially if they are breastfed. What happened at your shower is unfortunate, but not really related at all to this issue. I would let her bring her kid (aka, i just wouldn't say anything and if she brings the baby, cool).

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  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
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    Infants are typically the exception to the rule for "no kids". However, I think totally blowing off your mom for the shower after she said she would bring food is pretty rude. Is her husband coming, and he can hold the baby during the ceremony?

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  • Natalie
    Devoted January 2021
    Natalie ·
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    Maybe when you said no kids to her she didn't realize that would apply to her baby as well. Typically the no kids rule means kids old enough to need a seat and a meal.

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  • PhiAnh08
    Savvy October 2019
    PhiAnh08 ·
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    I had a friend who just had a baby before my wedding and she asked if she can bring her newborn (2-2 1/2 months) to the wedding. I kept to my rule of no kids besides my nieces and nephews and god-daughter who was one of the flower girls. I made it clear we couldn't make an exception. She followed up if there was a place to pump and I expressed that she could use the bridal suite. It also helped that she and her husband's parents lived close to them to babysit so I don't feel bad. It's just for one day and I'm sure they were glad to get away to party!

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  • W-K
    Super October 2019
    W-K ·
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    Typically infants in arms are the exception to the no kids rule. A 5 month old, especially if breastfed, would need to be with mom.

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  • Jai
    VIP May 2020
    Jai ·
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    It's your wedding and your day, so definitely do what you want. For our wedding we expressed on the invitations and to several friends in person who have children that it is a "kid-free" event, newborns included. We don't want a baby crying during the ceremony and wanted to give the parents a break for the night, which the ones who children and newborns appreciated.
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  • Cristy
    Master May 2021
    Cristy ·
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    Newborns are usually the exception to the "no kids" rule. Newborns are usually nursing still, and can't be away from their moms for very long, certainly not the all day and/or all night that it takes for a wedding.

    It's unfortunate that she dropped the ball on the bridal shower, which caused you mom to have to work harder. But it really has nothing to do with the wedding itself. It was a pre-wedding event, something that isn't required, merely optional. I don't see how that has any bearing on whether or not she brings her newborn to the wedding.

    Are you thinking of uninviting her to the wedding? Seems a bit harsh, but it's your call of course. But I do think if you tell her she can't bring her newborn, she will probably not come at all, and you may damage your friendship with her.

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  • P
    January 2014
    Pam ·
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    I'd stay with the no kids rule. I understand a newborn (under 3 months) being a package deal, but most mothers are back to work by 3-4 months after baby is born. If they can manage leaving the baby for work, they can manage a few hours for a wedding, including excusing themselves briefly to pump.

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  • Cynthia
    Devoted November 2019
    Cynthia ·
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    Personally in my wedding I’m making no exception for any children/infants and was prepared for some guest not attending. This is your day and should have it how you want especially not having anyone guilt you(I’ve had many family member try to guilt me) my fiancé twin sister is not going because of this reason and his mom would have a fit regardless of age if there were kids that came and her grandkids were not invited. At that point it would cause a fight between my fiancé and his parents which would ruin the day for him and me and personally at that point the day would just turn into a huge fight. Like I said I get guest not attending for the reason of having a newborn and breastfeeding, but they should also respect the bride and grooms wishes and not just assume they can bring their child and ask if that would be okay(and if told no not to get offended) was surprised what a touchy subject it has been with my family and his regarding this. This was a mutual agreement from the beginning of the wedding due to there will be a lot of alcohol involved and it is out with a lot of trees and we don’t want to be worrying of any kids get hurt or lost(many family members do not watch their kids and they are running loose sometimes in the middle of streets at bbq ect.)
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  • Cynthia
    Devoted November 2019
    Cynthia ·
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    I totally agree with you we are having no kids including babies at our wedding not even flower girls we wanted everyone to be able to enjoy themselves and we do not want crying either during the ceremony.
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