Adults Only Wedding

If you are allowing some (nieces & nephews) then I do think you could run into issues. As a mom myself, I can say my husband and I were very upset when we went to a wedding over the summer and weren't allowed to bring our daughter and there ended up being a bunch of children in attendance. I would recommend either allowing all children or none at all.

Please do not indicate a childfree or adult only wedding, when the fact is, you will be inviting some children. It's fine if you only want to include your nieces and nephews, but do not tell people it's "Adults Only", it's deceptive and other parents will feel slighted. I would also caution, in some areas children are either all or nothing. In other areas, inviting in circles is fine

Address Invites to only those invited

Include how many seats are available on your RSVP Card.

Put on your website, that you can only accommodate those named on the invitation

Graciously accept declines from parents (and guests for that matter). Childcare is easier said than done, and can be quite costly on top of an out of town wedding. Parents choose who watches their kids. If they miss out, they miss out.

Stand firm for those who try to sway you. "Unfortunately, we can only accommodate those named on the invitation. We hope you are still able to attend. Please let us know if you are no longer able to make it" Do not open the door for them to try and get their kids to attend. Don't mention cost, space, etc.

(Personal Preference) Please do not make it sound like you are doing the other parents favor. I am not a fan of the "cutesy" messages and rhymes about taking the night off and treating it as a date night. Parents can do that without being invited to a wedding

You can't say no kids if there will be kids there (your niece and nephew). Just don't name kids on the invitation and explicitly name those invited. You could also do reponse cards with numbers, for example.

Mr John and Mrs Daisy Smith

and the RSVP would say "__of 2 attending"

Very obvious that only John and Daisy are invited. If anyone asks you about their kids who are not invited you can easily say "oh we love X and Y but the invitation is only for you and John - hope we'll see you there!".

Splashing "no kids" everywhere is really rude, especially if there will actually be kids there.

It's totally ok to invite some and not all.

You're absolutely NOT a jerk. Nowadays, some don't even allow for a plus one. It's your day. Set it up as you see fit. Congratulations!

Are your niece and nephew in the wedding party? If so, you're fine. Kids in the wedding party are generally an exception. Otherwise, you will get lots of eyerolls

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I agree with all of this. I'd also like to note that if people will have to travel (and it sounds like they will), December is a month that *can* be difficult for people with school aged kids - there are a lot of events that happen at schools in December and then, of course, the holidays.

Agree with Janet’s response 100%. We were letting my 12- and 14-year-old cousins once removed come since they’re older and can behave themselves, so we knew we couldn’t just paste “Adults Only” on invites and the website in an effort to make sure babies and toddlers weren’t brought. We simply listed who from the household was invited on the envelope, and if anyone asked about their children coming, we simply said “Sorry we can only accommodate whoever is listed on the envelope” end of discussion. Most politely responded to us with “ok no worries” and there were no issues the day of.


Also agree with her on not including the cutesy saying or rhyme about it being a nice date night for them. Not every parent sees it that way. We did have one couple after our wedding day say to us “that actually was a nice date night away from the baby!” but that was an opinion they came to themselves, not us suggesting it.

Thank you all for the input. Y’all have given me a lot to think about. The nieces and nephew are in the wedding and will be the only kids there. I see how saying adult only could cause some friction with them there, but they’re my family.


I knew we should’ve just eloped.

View Quoted Comment I did something similar! My niece and nephew were our flower girl and ring bearer, and we did not invite any other children. You are not a jerk for envisioning this for your wedding!! Instead of stating "adults only", I would just address the invitations to the adults (address invites to "Mr & Mrs Smith" instead of "The Smith Family"). You could also put a note (maybe in the FAQ section?) on your wedding website that states that due to limited venue capacity, you will not be able to accommodate children other than those in the wedding party. If anyone contacts you ahead of time to ask why their children weren't invited, you could give them the same reasoning. 53 kids is a lot, and definitely adds to the cost and guest count. Be aware that some people might decline due to not being able to bring the kids with (childcare issues, scheduling issues, etc), though most people should be understanding.

View Quoted Comment Given that information I would say my answer that I previously gave is wrong. I don't see any issue with allowing children who are in the wedding to attend. In fact that's what we did. But we didn't allow any other children. I thought you were going to allow some that weren't in the wedding but not others. The wedding I previously mentioned in my answer had like 20+ kids none of which were in the wedding and yet we couldn't bring our daughter.

We also did only nieces and nephews and have not had any complaints. We want them there for the purpose of being in our family wedding photos. We're paying for the meals, other parents have ample time to find childcare and if those parents are upset they can honestly just deal. Making cut-offs at very distinct lines is perfectly fine. I see it all the time where the only children allowed are those in the wedding, or siblings/immediate family of bride and groom. Youre not a jerk, but just be prepared that you will have people ask for exceptions and it is tough to turn people down. We just had to do that with my husband's uncle because we didnt want them bringing their teen children. It sucked, but we were very specific on the details card that it was children of immediate family and infants under 2 only. Especially when I'm paying $35 a plate, I dont want to do that for someone's kid who might pick at the mashed potatoes and not eat the rest.

Kids also dont even like weddings, so i've never understood why parents get so upset about not being able to bring them anyway.

Unpopular opinion but when you allow select children, whether it’s newborns or flowergirls/ring beavers, it is a blatant lie if you tell guests that you are having an adult only wedding. You will be creating hurt feelings if you say to some guests “you can’t bring your children under any circumstances” and then they show up to see kids in attendance. Some couples don’t care unfortunately because they use the excuse of “our guests didn’t tell us they were upset so they are ecstatic about our decision” and guests never will say a word to the couple because it is impolite to do so.


If the couple chooses to host kids and cost is a concern, find a caterer that offers discounted children’s meals. Unfortunately that means that all inclusive venues are off the table because the higher end caterers they contract with don’t offer them, but many caterers will provide children’s meals under $20/plate. Or don’t invite any children. Regardless of your choice, never ever phrase it to the parents as “enjoy a night away from the kids” because not all parents see their kids as a burden just because others do and if you make it difficult for them, they will decline completely instead.

Invitations are meant to extend hospitality not to exclude people so it's never polite to put Adults Only or No Kids on any invitation. Kids are either invited by name or not invited, like anyone else. You don't have to invite children at all, of course. But they are not in a category just by virtue of being children. It's also a misconception IMO that children in the wedding party are an acceptable etiquette exception. They are guests who have an honor, the same as adults. The only recommendation I know of is to invite in circles to avoid hurt feelings, also the same as with adult guests. So if one 4 year old niece is flower girl, you wouldn't exclude a 4 year old nephew just because he's not in the wedding party. But in addition to age cut offs, it's always been completely acceptable to limit attendance by relationship, for example only nieces and nephews, only family member children etc.