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Leighann
Beginner May 2021

Adults only- On website vs invitations

Leighann, on February 24, 2021 at 7:50 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 25
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Hi all,


I've read over and over again not to add that your wedding/reception is adults only onto the invitations.


I'm wondering if anyone has actually done this and what the feedback was.


I ask because we sent our save the dates. I included a link to our website on the save the date and on the website I included a note about the event being adluts only. Well it appears that basically no one has actually looked at the website and we have received a ton of questions about people bringing their children. Even one of my best friends said something the other day about our registry and I told her it was on the website and she said "oh no one told me you had a website"


I am VERY against having children at our wedding. VERY. So someone bringing their child is not just an oh well deal with it moment. It would be a huge upsetting factor to me and I wonder if I should just print it in plain text right on the invitation rather than hoping people will take a hint with the names or find it on the website.


Thoughts or experiences?

25 Comments

Latest activity by A.francis, on March 1, 2021 at 10:50 AM
  • Ava
    VIP May 2022
    Ava ·
    • Flag
    Obviously not having children at the wedding is a very important issue for you that could threaten to ruin your experience. If you think guests won’t get the hint if you do it subtly, I would just put that information everywhere! Put it on the invitation, RSVP cards and website, so it is not missed.
    • Reply
  • Lisa
    Rockstar July 2022
    Lisa Online ·
    • Flag
    I wouldn't print it on the invites. I would still leave that info on your website. However, there are a couple things you can do to make this info obvious on your invites: first, address your invites to only those invited ("Mr & Mrs Smith" instead of "The Smith Family"). Second, put a line on the invite that says something along the lines of, "We have reserved __ seats in your honor.", then fill in the number for each invite before mailing them out. If anyone tries to RSVP for more people than who you invited, then reach out to them at that time to explain that due to capacity restrictions, you are unable to accommodate children at your wedding. You can also rely on word-of-mouth: anyone that makes a comment directly to you about bringing their children, you can address it at that time ("Because of capacity restrictions, we are unable to accommodate children at our wedding").
    • Reply
  • Mrs. Spring
    Master April 2021
    Mrs. Spring ·
    • Flag
    Whew weddings have so many ettiquite rules. I've seen no kids on invites before, never knew it was a negative
    • Reply
  • Maria
    Dedicated April 2021
    Maria ·
    • Flag
    We called all our guests with kids and told them it was adults only (in a nice way). It worked for us.
    • Reply
  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
    • Flag
    Politely answer the people who call. Tell them. What is the big deal? They are your friends and family, you need to be open to talking to them. Tell your family members, and the wedding party. And answer phone calls or emails saying, we invited you and your husband, no one else. The fact that you don't mention who is not invited, only who is, on invitations just means that the few who don't figure it out will call someone. It depends on your friend group. But most brides who use a website will tell you many to most guests don't read them. I don't, and it has nothing to do with computer literacy. And everything to do with what a waste of time most of the ones I do read are. We dod not have 167 kids ages 15 months to 15. We did have a separate nursery room for babies, 13, whose parents I called. Of the 60+ other guests with children, we got 2 calls asking, no kids at wedding? And one from parents of a recent adoptee wanting daughter in the nursery. Though not nursing, understood no English, where our hired sitters could speak to her. And my parents a d inlaws got a couple calls. .... Just make sure the RSVP only has spaces enough for those invited, or print in the names of those invited, and say, we have reserved 2 seats.
    • Reply
  • M
    Super June 2021
    Melanie ·
    • Flag
    I was pretty much in the same situation. NO ONE looked at our website that was noted on our save the dates. I've told everyone with kids that they will not be allowed to my wedding. While most people on here will say it's not "proper etiquette", I put it on the details card of my invitation to make sure it's not overlooked on my site or forgotten. Everyone with kids should already know this detail, so I don't expect anyone to be surprised when reading it
    • Reply
  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
    • Flag
    People don’t get feedback because most people with manners aren’t going to come to you and say “wow I thought it was rude that you explicitly said no kids on your invitations.” Invitations are meant to address the people who are invited to the event, not those who aren’t. It’s not an appropriate place to say “no kids.”
    • Reply
  • L
    Lady ·
    • Flag

    On your invitations, only list the people that are invited, it's super tacky and rude to plaster "No kids, adults only, etc etc" all over your invites. If you are getting questions now, just answer them directly "no, our wedding and reception will only include those over 18 - hope you can make it!".

    • Reply
  • Ava
    VIP May 2022
    Ava ·
    • Flag
    As you can see the topic seems to be controversial and everyone has a strong opinion one way or the other. I think this is going to be a situation where you have to weigh out your two options. Would you rather A) risk someone maybe getting offended or thinking it was poor etiquette for you to put “adults only event” on your invites
    Or B) risk people not getting the hint and bringing their children to your wedding

    At the end of the day, it is your wedding and your decision. You know which option is better for you, your wedding, and your guests.
    • Reply
  • Leighann
    Beginner May 2021
    Leighann ·
    • Flag

    We definitely don't have an issue with letting people know when they call and ask in a nice way.

    My fear is those who do NOT call and assume it is OK. I think that THAT is rude and out of etiquette and yet I have heard of MANY instances of that happening.

    The RSVP cards we had in mind to order have a blank to fill in or a number.

    I think I would have to go a step farther which will cost of more in printing since each rsvp will have to be personalized. And on the RSVP say

    Who will be attending:

    Mr.Smith ___

    Mrs. Smith ___

    and leave it at that. No room for write in or anything.

    Obviously this is a controversial topic. I was more interested in hearing from people that actually had an adults only wedding and what they did or did not do.

    • Reply
  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    I had an adults only wedding and didn’t mention it anywhere on my invitation. I addressed the envelope to those who were invited (ex Mr. and Mrs. Smith instead of The Smith Family,) on the RSVP cards we put “we have reserved ____ seats in your honor” and filled in the blank for each household, and we put it in the FAQ on our website. We had one person reach out and ask and zero people show up with uninvited children.
    • Reply
  • Haylie
    Dedicated October 2021
    Haylie ·
    • Flag
    I won’t be allowing small children at my wedding ( we were fine with 15 and up.) I put it on my wedding website but I would also recommend putting it with your invitations. Instead of putting it directly on the invite, I would add a separate card so then there are no misunderstandings.

    For example, I’m adding it to my RSVP card . ( we are also doing online RSVPs only) I inserted a picture of what it will look like but the quality isn’t that good.

    This is the wording we chose:
    “Kindly reply by September 10th via our wedding website (insert website URL)While we adore your children , we have decided to make our special day ages 15 and up to allow guest to relax and enjoy themselves. We thank you for your understanding”

    Adults only- On website vs invitations 1


    • Reply
  • M
    Super June 2021
    Melanie ·
    • Flag
    This is almost exactly what I did. Very controversial, but in my opinion it's a know your crowd thing. I know both of our families and they tend make a lot of assumptions. At least a few people would say oh since you invited us, I thought the kids were invited too and won't think twice to acknowledge who's on the envelope or rsvp. With it written out, no one can say they didn't know or no one told them.
    • Reply
  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
    • Flag

    On the invites, you address it with the adults names. Word of mouth and website is the only place to say "adults only". If someone rsvps with kids, you call them immediately and straighten out the situation.

    • Reply
  • Biaani
    Expert May 2021
    Biaani ·
    • Flag

    I'm 100% with you on this. I love kids but I do not want them at my wedding lol. We also have the info on our website and we had one of his cousins text us after receiving the STD to let us know they're not coming cause of the kids. But for those who don't visit the website, on the RSVP we'll have a number indicating how many people are invited. For example Daniel Corona (2).

    • Reply
  • Allie
    VIP November 2021
    Allie ·
    • Flag

    I put the no children disclaimer on my wedding website and then shared it on Facebook and tagged my FH in it. If people have an easy click, they're more likely to actually look. Could you do something like that (if you haven't already)?

    For the RSVP card with the invitations, I plan on putting the number of people that are invited on them so they can't make any assumptions about their kids being invited. We also took it a step further and told people their kids aren't going to be invited so they can find a sitter for that night.

    • Reply
  • Leighann
    Beginner May 2021
    Leighann ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    I guess that leads to my other question.


    Should I share my wedding website on my Facebook. Is that in bad taste for people who are not invited? Due to Covid its a small wedding of about 40. So a lot of.my friends and and family are not invited. I thought people who were not invited would like to see where it is and info and pics but also thought they might get upset about it.
    • Reply
  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    Only share with those invited

    • Reply
  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
    • Flag

    Another idea if you are open to DIY, print directly onto the reply cards as you design them who is invited. That will clear up confusion.

    Beyond that, you have to trust adults to use common sense. Most of the time they are not steered wrong.

    • Reply
  • S
    Expert November 2021
    Sara ·
    • Flag

    Just address your invitations to those invited by name. No need to have "adults only" on your invitation. You can put it on your website if you want.

    • Reply

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