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Just Said Yes August 2019

Adult Only Wedding

Future Mrs. M, on July 1, 2019 at 3:27 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 1 11

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Due to a number of various reasons my fiancé and I chose our wedding to be adult only. Cost was a big issue, and the space didn’t seem appropriate for children. It’s at a winery with a lot of open water (no railings) and open flames in different areas for ambiance. At over $100 per person I didn’t feel like kids appreciate weddings enough anyway to really enjoy being there.
Four of my cousins are not attending because of the no children issue. The issue I’m having with it is that I sent out an email to explain everything very early on, and offered to help find sitters for the ceremony and reception (which is 5-10pm), and said kids were welcome for any of the rest of it, and that I would love to see them.
My cousins never responded to the email, or to my RSVPs, or to my texts/Facebook messages to confirm whether they were coming or not. I had to find out from their mothers (my aunts) that they weren’t coming, and that I had hurt their feelings with the no kids thing. They also threw in that most of them couldn’t afford to fly over from several states away anyway, so to me I wonder why it matters that their kids can’t come if they couldn’t afford to come over anyway?
I’m frustrated about it, and hurt too, because I feel like I’ve made all the effort I can to be accommodating, but still feel like I’m being portrayed as the bad guy.
How should I feel about this?

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11 Comments

Latest activity by Kelly, on July 2, 2019 at 8:20 PM

Master September 2019
Sarah · on July 1, 2019 at 3:31 PM
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You should let it go. Part of deciding to have a child free wedding is understanding that at least some guests won’t attend because of it. I have a 6 year old and would never leave her with a stranger in an unfamiliar place to attend a wedding so while I think your heart was in the right place trying to help them, that’s not really a solution most parents would agree to.
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Master August 2019
Allie · on July 1, 2019 at 3:32 PM
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No one can tell you how to feel about this. That is one thing that everyone should expect when having a kid free wedding. Some parents may get upset or not be able to come if they can't bring their kids. But it's totally understandable to want to have a kid free wedding considering the costs and the safety hazards. I think one issue here is that you haven't heard from the cousins directly and are having to hear about this from their mothers. They are adults, they should address you directly. However, they don't have to give you a reason for not attending whether it be money or the kid issue.
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Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on July 1, 2019 at 3:34 PM
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Some people are offended by the no kids thing. That's just something that you should expect when planning an adults only event. They'll get over it.
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Legend June 2019
Melle · on July 1, 2019 at 3:45 PM
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It's ok, some people get offended by it but it is what it is. Don't bend what you don't want just to appease them. People will judge and be opinionated regardless of what you do, so do what'll make you happy anyway
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Legend July 2019
MrsD · on July 1, 2019 at 4:32 PM
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It does seem odd they wouldn't at least send a "no" RSVP back. I think having hurt feelings is a little dramatic, plenty of people have no kids weddings. But I think not coming is a 100% okay response, some people don't want to spend the money on a babysitter or don't have one they trust.
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Lady · on July 1, 2019 at 4:44 PM
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Definitely rude of them to not RSVP. However, I think it wasn't great to send a pre-emptive "no kids allowed" email. I would have been a little put off to receive an email stating who was not invited to your wedding and why but that you'd still love to see their kids. There's nothing wrong with having a no kids wedding but my guess is their hurt feelings are stemming from the way "no kids" was handled and not necessarily that their kids were not invited.
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Savvy May 2020
Jesiqua · on July 1, 2019 at 4:51 PM
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Let it go. This is your day. And this is a once in a lifetime moment so don’t let anyone bring you down. And def don’t change what you want for your day. The people who really love you and want to celebrate with you guys will make it work. I had to let my family know i didn’t want kids and a lot of people got hurt. I told them you have almost a year to find a sitter. And we want adults to enjoy this date night. If you can’t make it bc of this the show will go on.
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VIP October 2020
Kelly · on July 1, 2019 at 4:58 PM
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It was rude of them to not RSVP with the No. But overall this comes with the territory of child free weddings and you just have to stick to choice and move on.
You tried to accommodate everyone and made your choice for safety and budget reasons which are very common and practical.
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Savvy October 2020
Alexandria · on July 1, 2019 at 6:43 PM
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My FH and I explicitly picked a resort (destination wedding) that is adults only for this very reason. Kids are kids and appreciate being somewhere where they can be accommodated, but so do adults! I know that there are some people, my cousin and God-son included, who will not come because of this. It sucks but at the same time, it's the wedding and vacation with family and friends that we want.

People are going to moan about literally anything they can, but you just have to be firm that you cant please everyone. I also think that it's considerate of you to think about the dangers involved to kiddos should they be invited. You did all you could and I would definitely be happy with that 😃 your wedding will be beautiful no matter what.
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Just Said Yes August 2019
Future Mrs. M · on July 2, 2019 at 7:56 PM
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I don’t really understand how the email would be offensive. I sent it in an effort to explain why kids weren't allowed to come (the risks of the wedding site), and to at least offer my help in finding sitters, versus them being blindsided by the website just saying “adults only”. Since I’m the only one from my extended family having an adults only wedding, I wanted them to know that I don’t have anything against their kids. I can still care about my cousin’s children and yet not want to pay thousands for them to attend a wedding (there are a lot of kids).
Since most of them live out of state we’re planning family activities for a few days before the wedding so everyone can hang out and catch up. That’s why I was saying kids were welcome for any or all of that.
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VIP October 2020
Kelly · on July 2, 2019 at 8:20 PM
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In general you only invite people who are allowed to the wedding to any beforehand celebration, so in terms of ettiquite it is a little off to have events with the kids and then say they can't come.
I do not think it was rude to send the email giving the heads up though, you clearly put thought into the situation and offered solutions. I think that was very nice of you
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Adult Only Wedding

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