Adult only reception with some exceptions

There's not really a nice way. I will say we went to a wedding a year ago and there were a ton of kids yet our daughter wasn't allowed and neither my husband or I were very happy she was excluded. I think you will definitely risk upsetting people.

Agree with previous poster – there is no tactful way to do this. This is why experts suggest children are an all or nothing deal; or at the very least wedding party (flower girls, ring bearers) or children of immediate family only. By picking and choosing four specific children who “make the cut” you run a huge risk of upsetting the parents of those who didn’t (“ our child wasn’t good enough to come?”… “ why did we have to pay for childcare and these people didn’t?”… etc. etc.).

It doesn't matter how you do it, people will be upset. Once an exception has been made, it's no longer "Adult Only". Yes, words matter. If you are going around saying adult only and then have kids there (even your own <18) it's not "adult only". Some exceptions are more "understandable" than others, but once you start inviting more than what some would call the standard exceptions, you still risk people getting more upset.

Instead of telling guests that you are excluding their children and making exceptions for others. Only put names of the guests invited on the invitation. And say "you can only accommodate those named on the invitation, thank you for understanding" on your website or use it as a standard response so others can't open the door to try to wiggle their way in.

View Quoted Comment

Oh no, this is a new poster also named CM.

You're already picking and choosing by allowing your BFF's kids. There's no polite way of exclusion, but Janet's way minimizes further negotiations with loved ones. Either allow all and cut back somewhere in your budget or reduce to only your daughter and niece.

View Quoted Comment

Ohhhh LOL Sorry, OP. I removed that part 😂

View Quoted Comment I can only imagine. It’s unfortunate that the forum allows people to use the same name.

OP, You should probably change your screenname to avoid confusion. Ironically, I’ve commented on this very issue a bunch of times. Your friend’s daughters are the main issue here. While children can be considered a whole category of guest, ie all children or none, on the other hand like adult guests all children are not equal.

So while it’s perfectly appropriate to limit child guests to immediate family children, once you make an exception for your friend’s child, other friends and close family members may start to get resentful. Contrary to popular belief being in the bridal party is not relevant.

I’d limit to immediate family in your place. Anyone who tells you that your own children or nieces and nephews should not be invited are misinformed.

Unpopular opinion but even when you make exceptions that allow for newborns, flowergirls and ring bearers, or the couple’s own children while not allowing any other children in attendance, it ceases to be a child free event. It’s a myth that the couple will be aware that they are upsetting or offending anyone because most people are ingrained that it is a faux pas to say anything to the couple about being upset. That is why couples say “our guests loved X because they never told us they didn’t”. If you allow loopholes, be prepared for some guests to leave earlier than they otherwise would and they may also cut contact after the wedding.


There is a reason that etiquette experts who publish the books say that to avoid uncomfortable situations, it’s best to either invite all children or not invite any, including not allowing the typical loopholes that you only hear about online or in magazines.

View Quoted Comment Literally no reputable etiquette experts say that.

Here is one example of Miss Manners addressing this particular setup and disagreeing with the loophole that allows specific children while not inviting others:
https://www.uexpress.com/life/miss-manners/2019/01/24

View Quoted Comment

Are we reading the same thing?

"Your daughter may exclude all children from the event, but, for understandable reasons, she did not do so."

She says right there that it is understandable that the bride in this case made those exceptions. In any case, this is a situation where a flower girl, apparently unrelated, as well as the children of two friends were also included but apparently not the children of other friends and family members. I totally agree with Miss Manners that that is a potentially tricky situation with the potential to offend others but that's because of the inconsistency.

I have a similar situation for my upcoming (mostly) adult only wedding/reception. We used this language on the Q &A page of our website:

Can I bring a date? What about my kiddo(s)?

Due to size limitations at our venue and the nature of our celebration, we've had to limit our guest list accordingly. Unfortunately we cannot accommodate guests not indicated on your invitation.

Despite this, we've had a few people ask if they could bring their kids. In our particular circumstance, because we've had enough "regretfully decline" RSVPs, we decided to allow it. I plan to let my parents know that they are welcome to share this with anyone who may comment at the wedding.