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Just Said Yes April 2021

Addressing Invitations

Allison, on September 11, 2020 at 2:24 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 13
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I have several guest that go by their middle names and I'm having trouble with how to address their invitations. Ex: George David Cheek goes by David. Do I address his formal invitation to Mr. & Mrs. David Cheek or Mr. & Mrs. George David Cheek?

13 Comments

Latest activity by Judith, on September 12, 2020 at 9:26 PM
  • Yasmine
    Rockstar October 2020
    Yasmine ·
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    We are doing everyone’s legal name on ours and I don’t plan on including middle names. But if that’s what he’s known by I don’t see a problem with the 1st way.
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  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    I would base it on formality. If you're having a formal wedding, go with legal names. If you're having a more casual event, go with the middle name.

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  • Jana
    Master October 2022
    Jana ·
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    I agree with this. Go by what they normally answer to while still keeping it formal.
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  • V
    Master July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    We had inner and outer envelopes. For the outer envelopes, we did Mr. and Mrs. Last Name and for inner envelopes we did what we normally call them.

    Example 1: Our friends, Joseph and Hannah Smith

    Outer: Mr. and Mrs. Smith

    Inner: Joey and Hannah

    Example 2: My grandparents, Andrew and Beth Johnson

    Outer: Mr. and Mrs. Johnson

    Inner: Bapa and Gammy

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  • Hermione
    Expert February 2020
    Hermione ·
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    If it's a formal event #2. If it's casual #1
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  • Allison
    Just Said Yes April 2021
    Allison ·
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    Thank you, I think i'm going to go with the first way.

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  • Givemeallthepups
    Expert February 2020
    Givemeallthepups ·
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    We had a relatively formal wedding but addressed our invites by their preferred name. My feeling was they prefer that name for a reason, I should respect that.
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  • Natalie
    Expert November 2020
    Natalie ·
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    Could you do Mr. & Mrs. G. David Cheek?
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  • L
    Expert September 2020
    ·
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    I would go by the name they use. If they never ever use their first name, you can assume they dont expect to see it on a wedding invitation. On ours we didnt even use first name I dont think. Just Mr. and Mrs. _____ But to be frank Ive been invited to many weddings and never put much thought into how the envelope was addressed to me lol
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  • Amanda
    Dedicated October 2020
    Amanda ·
    • Flag
    For my invites we put Mr & Mrs. last name on the outer envelope and used nicknames on the inner envelopes.
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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    The things in etiquette books ven say, what they recommend is the default setting. Usually for people you barely know, big super formal openings, charity things, usual black tie events, these hold. But the gold standard for manners or protocol is to get it right ( remembering judges and some retired military and politicians have titles too,), and to address the person as they prefer to be addressed. And you are not just expected to know it. It is considered a good thing for a host to reach out to the person directly, phone or email are fine, and as them to tell you, or put in print, any honorific / title that they use, and the name they prefer, and that ised by their spouse or SO, or anyone whom you will be inviting to join them who will be sent their own invitation. ( often not done for Saves.) Most of us don't know if cousin Julie's live in boyfriend just completed a Phd in pharmacy and now uses the Dr. title, or which uncle uses the Honorable____ or is a retired Colonel, or who that is marrying next month intends to keep Ms. Birthname. The master invitation list is used for save the dates, for engagement, shower, bachelorette, RD and wedding invitations, and for 1-3 thank you notes, plus escort and place cards. Generally, up to 6-9 times. And when you introduce people to one another, as hosts frequently do. That is an awful lot of times to embarrass you both by getting things wrong. And why actually making contact to check is considered a sign of thoughtfulness and good manners on your part. Be careful about using someone's mother or other relative for titles. Many a mother who knows her D or DIL uses Reverend or Dr. or Ms. Birthname will tell you, use Mrs. John Smith, their husband's name, if that is what mother thinks they ought to do. Malicious, and you are the one who looks bad. Go to the source, and find out most recent correct address, too.
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  • Allison
    Just Said Yes April 2021
    Allison ·
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    Thank you! I think I’m going to address him by what he goes by.
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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    Better than reverting to standard full name, since you know he prefers that.
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