Adding on guests that weren't invited!

I don't know why people think it's okay to write in the names (and numbers) of clearly uninvited people on their RSVPs, but I've been here long enough to know that they do. Maybe because they're counting on the hosting couple not being strong enough to address that faux pas...because lots of times, it works.

What you are hosting is not a free for all. What you are hosting is the most expensive, personal event you will probably host in your life. In planning your wedding, you counted every dollar, scaled back on spending, and probably worked a lot of extra hours. There is nothing wrong with inviting adults, and only adults, to your event -- and if some of those adults are parents, they should act like adults are consider their choices.

Their choices are the same ones I faced back in the 1980's. Did I have a reliable sitter? If not, guess what? We declined. It wasn't just weddings we had to decline, but monumental birthdays and promotions, but an alcohol fueled, music blasting event that my two babies weren't invited to? I checked "regretfully declines", and while I meant it, I knew my babies didn't belong at that type of an event. So, that's life. However, time passes, the kids grow up, and suddenly, you realize, you're free to attend a formal event as a couple because you don't need a babysitter. I never blamed the couple for not wanting children at their event, and they never blamed for me declining.

In your case, you have to call (or write) them and say, "I'm sorry there was an apparent miscommunication. This is an adult event, and while we'd love to have you there, we completely understand that your children come first, and we'll appreciate the fact that you're celebrating with us in spirit."

I addressed an invite to Mr and Mrs John Smith and family (they have two barely adult children who live at home). And they rsvp'ed with 6 people. I assume the "kids" are bringing dates. But I didn't even know they were dating anyone and I've never meant said dates but I'm supposed to drop $140 on dinner for two people I've never meant? I know you don't break up social units, but I still don't think it's fair. I'm going to wait and see what my total numbers come out to be before making calls.

Also, no matter how nice you are, some people are going to be offended.

It is incredibly rude but shamefully common it seems. I had a friend try and RSVP online 3 days before my wedding for a guy she'd just started dating. I was pretty livid.

Hey date twin!

I agree with you. It's entirely inappropriate to rsvp with extra guests!

@Chelsea, I feel your pain on the unknown plus ones, too. I included a plus one for my BM who is dating around. I asked who I should address the invitation to when she was seeing someone steadily. She responded "just me, but I'd like the option to bring a guest."

Insert surprised emoji face here.

I haven't even met the new dude (and maybe she hasn't either), so please let me wine, dine and entertain him. Ugh!

Yup this is incredibly rude for people to do. Some people I'm sure don't do this intentionally, but others you know are hoping the hosts don't notice/care, because it's easier for them to not have to figure out what to do with their kids.

Assuming I can get it on there with our design, my plan is to have a "We have _____ seats saved in your honor", to kinda put in their face that "no you can't add people to the list". It likely won't deter all these issues, but I'm hoping it'll keep most at bay. Including the random dating around adding that @MrsD17 mentioned.

Put on your bridal stilettos and call them. Remember that they are the rude ones, not you.

'We're sorry, we cannot accommodate children. We hope you'll be able to attend but we will also understand if you cannot." Variation for Chelsea; "We are so thrilled to have your family invited; unfortunately we cannot accommodate your children's dates. We can certainly understand if they will not be able to attend.

When what you'd like to say is, "Are you freaking kidding? Do you KNOW how much this is costing us and how carefully and brutally we had to curate our guest list? No, we don't want strangers we don't know there, and no we don't want children at what is clearly an adult party."

But I digress.

Parenthood brings with it inherent sacrifices; maybe you give up skydiving, drinking gin for breakfast and disappearing for weeks on end with no notice. Maybe you have to pass on some events that you can either not manage or are not designed with children in mind. Big, expensive, usually late parties fall into the latter category.

So don't feel guilty and don't wait to deal with the incidents as soon as they come in. The anticipation of any unpleasant task just magnifies the discomfort. Get it done, let them marinate in the very real notion that they did something they shouldn't have and move on.

Celia, I'm dying over here. Thank you, that was great!