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Just Said Yes August 2022

Adding a Co-moh?

Maya, on January 8, 2022 at 3:40 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 8

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Help! I have a bit of a unique situation that I’m hoping y’all have some insight into!

I have a best friend from middle school who I asked to be my Maid of Honor already, she accepted back in like April 2021 so it’s been some time. She has since had a rocky road w her long term bf, family etc, and hasn’t been able to be there for me, which is fine since I totally understand and the wedding isn’t til august 2022. During the worst of her bf struggles she offered to NOT be MOH, which I replied let’s discuss in the future and not make rash decisions I still want you there and get you can’t be fully present rn.
3 months later, there are some planning things that need to start happening and She has been there for me more but now I’m considering asking my other best friend from college who’s been there for me too recently to be co-MOH. What are some ways I navigate this? Is it rude to ask my college best friend to be co-MOH after the fact (basically upgrading her from bridesmaid)?
Thanks so much in advance!!!

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8 Comments

Latest activity by Jacks, on January 9, 2022 at 4:12 PM

Master October 2023
Cece · on January 8, 2022 at 6:24 PM
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I don’t think this would be rude. I would just tell the second friend that you really appreciate her friendship and how supportive she has been during this planning process, and you would love for her to be co-MOH.
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VIP May 2022
Jasmine S. · on January 8, 2022 at 9:33 PM
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I have a couple thoughts here:
1. What do you mean by "planning things that need to start happening"? The only thing your bridal party need to do is order their dresses (a few months before the wedding) and show up for the rehearsal (night or morning before the ceremony). Is she not going to be able to do those? These aren't things that a second MOH could help with.
2. Do you think she would be upset knowing you appointed a second person? Maybe you could have a talk with her explaining that you know she has a lot on her plate, and you think having a co-MOH could help. Make it clear that you want to support her, not replace her.
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Expert September 2022
Nichole · on January 8, 2022 at 11:16 PM
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My sister had a co MOH, she had her best friend who lives in California and our youngest sister (we live in Ohio). Since the one in California wasnt able to come to things like looking for a dress the co MOH was able to come and take pictures and share them with the group. I have one of my bridesmaids as back up MOH (and yes both girls know that). When I asked the girls to be part of my wedding party my MOH mother was extremely sick with a rare cancer. I told her that she needed to back out for any reason that was ok and if she lost her mom around the wedding date I didnt want her to feel like she was obligated to anything. Sadly she lost her mom right before Thanksgiving this year. 😥
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Champion November 2054
Jacks · on January 9, 2022 at 12:42 AM
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Agree with this. Wedding party doesn’t need to plan things, really it’s just getting the clothes and showing up.
It’s fine to have more than one MOH, but I’m hoping your first MOH won’t feel like she’s not doing things right. That could be hurtful.
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Just Said Yes August 2022
Maya · on January 9, 2022 at 9:54 AM
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Yeah so referring to “planning things” I am going to do the major stuff involved but she was still planning to be part of bridal shower planning (she is a baker, and has even offered to do the wedding cake) if not just for moral support and chat about ideas. I want to set dates for that and plan the Bach party. I realize it’s also tougher bc they’re both 3 hrs away from where I live. Should I just try to plan it myself and w my mom who’s an hour away?

Thanks for everyone’s help !
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Just Said Yes August 2022
Maya · on January 9, 2022 at 9:56 AM
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Sorry to hear that ): Thanks for sharing, definitely a tough situation that sounds like you handled well.
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Just Said Yes August 2022
Maya · on January 9, 2022 at 9:57 AM
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Thank you! This makes sense, and I don’t think the first MOH would mind either
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Champion November 2054
Jacks · on January 9, 2022 at 4:12 PM
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I would steer away from planning parties in your own honour. Your mom could host a shower for you though if your MOH is unable.
Your wedding party technically isn’t obligated to host events, anyone can do it!
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