a wedding without a Maid of Honor…….

I believe the general wisdom on these forums is to ask people to be in your wedding party around 6 months out. Is there a reason you need a MOH right now? It looks like your wedding is over a year and a half out, which (in theory) is a lot of time for your best friend to work through the grieving process, for your other friends' responsibilities to level off, or for people to take their time on whatever you'd like them to do. I don't think there would be any harm in holding off on asking people to be in the wedding party for a bit.

We're not having kids at our wedding, so we're not going to have a ring bearer or flower girl either. I think that's pretty common since people have kid-free weddings or age cutoffs a lot.

View Quoted Comment I wanted to see where everyone’s head is at especially my best friend. She already told me she wouldn’t be able to take on the responsibility despite the wedding being so far. That’s why I feel like it’s important to have that conversation with her and my other friends who has a lot of children so her hands is full. I would hope they could be free by the wedding time but there’s no promises.

View Quoted Comment I agree with this. Also there is no "responsibility" for her to take on, besides buying the dress and showing up at the right place on the day of. Is she still planning to attend? Being MOH really doesn't have to be any different than being a guest other than what she wears and where she stands. If you really want her in the role, make it clear you don't expect anything else of her, and re-visit the topic in a year once she's had time to grieve her daughter.

I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend's daughter. How awful for her. She must really be struggling, I can't imagine.

Your wedding isn't for a year and a half. No-one needs to be doing anything right now. They really only need to get their dresses and show up anyway. There's no real "responsibility" associated with being MOH.

View Quoted Comment I think I scared her away by making a list of responsibilities such as helping with place cards, organizing a bachelorette party (possibly) and other minor things. I think she saw the list and got discouraged and immediately said no.

View Quoted Comment Yes that’s what I thought, I sent her a mini list of responsibilities and she probably got discouraged. I feel like it wasn’t too crazy but maybe she thought it was too much.

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Those are not real duties though. That's what the wedding industry would like to sell you in order that they make money.

To really clarify, the roles in the wedding party are for YOU to honour THEM for being important in your life. It's not a job with duties or responsibilities>

I think you're right. She saw the list and your expectations and didn't want the responsibility.

I agree 1000% but I would also like for my close peeps to support me as well because planning can be stressful. So helping me out with the table place cards and things like that for me, I don’t think it’s a big thing. But what’s not a big deal to me might be for someone else.

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That's up to your spouse to help you plan.

So true about what is stressful to her, what's not a big deal to you might just be the straw for someone else. Especially someone that just lost a child.

For now, it might help to just focus on her and her needs vs your wedding. Support her as a friend.

Hi! I didn’t have a maid of honor of any bridesmaids. I did all the planning myself. My mom and grandma threw me a bridal shower and I didn’t have a bachelorette party. My sister offered to help me with stuff and my sister in law offered to help plan but I did most of it on my own with my husband.


If you don’t ask for help you might not get any, but at the same time, there will be people in your life who love you and want to help in anyway they can.

Good luck!

Hey! Congratulations On your upcoming wedding!

I don't have a "Maid of Honor", I will be having a "Man of Honor"... No flower girls as there are no girls young enough... and our ring bearer is the son of one of his guests... **Shrug** TBH, it's your wedding, do what feels right for you and your fiance.

My MOH has no idea what to do when it comes to planning a bridal shower, etc, so one of my bridesmaid’s is doing it. This is my second marriage, so I feel less stress/obligation for the "norms" (i did a lot of it the first time around... this wedding is for me and fiance).

View Quoted Comment Hi thank you for responding. I wish I had a Man of Honor lol. My best friend does not have a clue as well, that’s why she asked me to make a list of things I would like for her to do. Some of these things are a dead give away i.e go dress shopping with me, things like that. I wanted to give her some time to herself to grieve maybe when she starts seeing the wedding plans moving alone she would want to involve herself since we’ve been hanging out a lot. Hopefully she comes around, if not I won’t have a Maid of Honor because I can’t envision anyone else. A lot of people in my family are against the no Maid of Honor thing, they think it’s bad luck.

Its really is disheartening to be the MOH and given the list of responsibilities. My best friend did that to me in my 30s and I regretted ever taking the roll. I even was expected to pay for her nails, hair and makeup on the wedding day. I spent so much money. Needless to say she may have been over the top and we fought on the wedding day during the reception when she turned into the biggest bridezilla. . I supported her and did everything she asked but it was alot. Even was mad that I did not give her a wedding gift when i paid for the shower, shower gifts, bachelorette party and spa day before the wedding and hair on the weddingday. I think i did my part. We are no longer friends after a long standing friendship. Its not worth losing a friendship over a role your expecting her to take. She is there to help you not do it alone. I had 4 children at the time of my girlfriends wedding and if I had lost one and saw a list... I would say no too. Do it together. Have her join you doing little things when your overwelmed.

You really don't need one. My daughter got married in 2020 and her MOH was out of state. The grooms mom and I did the Bridal shower but my daughter did everything herself. Even the Bachelorette party. The MOH did what she could from afar but there was no particular duties expected of her. She was present for the rehearsal and she helped her the day of.

This is my second marriage and I am not having a bridal party at all. Our children (6) will be standing with us. My finance and I are doing it all. My first wedding was a courthouse wedding when I was 18 lol.

Good Luck and Congratulations. It will all work out.

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Awww, I'm sorry for your MOH pain. I hope she feels better soon.

My Mother was dead set against my BFF being my Man of Honor in my first wedding. But the truth is: I did a lot of things for her and my family, not because I really wanted to. This time around I didn't include her in my planning (she lost that privilege when she tried to make demands of me that benefitted her, but not me. Ex: i divorced my 1st husband, and decided to move to another state because I wanted out of that state and because I started a new relationship "much too soon". She called me and said that she wished she could have had time with me alone so she could "talk me out of it". Why? because she "missed me" and wouldn't be able to call me up and I would pick her up to go places. AKA: Be her chauffeur, and when she threatened to not come to my wedding because I didn't immediately invite HER cousin who doesn't speak to me to MY very small wedding AND infer that my fiancé must be taking up all the invites because I didn't invite everyone from my family in this continent).

Bottomline: for me, this wedding, Fiancé and I are doing it OUR way. I always wanted a beach wedding, non-religious. So this time that's what we're doing, a ceremony on the beach, very small 55 ppl MAX. Both mothers wanted a church wedding, but fiancé and I have decided: NOPE. Did that already. They can be happy and celebrate with us, or stay home. **Shrug**

I think you should do what you feel feels GOOD. Perhaps, suggest: just be here with me. You don't have to plan anything, just BE here. Good luck!

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Wow! I'm really sorry that happened! This whole wedding industry and the expectations it creates does ruin friendships. So sad.

FWIW, your "friend" was ridiculous with her entitlement.

I gave my maid of honor no stress - didn't ask her to do anything other than picking her own dress with a given color.

So other than her standing right next to me during the wedding, she has 0 responsibility - no bachelorette party, bridal shower...etc.

During the planning phase, I am fine without MOH. If I really want a party, both moms can do the job.

I see your wedding is in January 2024, honestly, can you ask her to be there for you on the day as MOH (hold your dress, be there for you...etc.?) and don't worry about the planning processes?

I honestly don't think that's a big ask, but you should wait a while until she is done with the hard griefing period and be there for her.

View Quoted Comment Yes, I’m going to wait. I simply asked her recently to see where her head is at since she seemed like she’s in good spirits lately. Furthermore, I have one of my good friends who offered to coordinate with the vendors leading up to the day of because she’s alot more organized than I am.


The list of responsibilities I gave my best friend were mainly things she should do for herself because she has never been a MOH before and she asked me what she should do. The other things were things like, go dress shopping with the bride and help bride write on table place cards since she loves doing little things like this on a regular.

Overall, I think I’m going to wait maybe when she sees things going on she’ll change her mind.

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My MOH is the first time MOH as well. I didn't ask my MOH to go dress shop with me either. And yes she is one of my best friends.

I think the minimum you can ask your MOH to do during the planning phase are:

- buy her dress and shoes (you can pick it out for her)

- get her hair done (maybe nails too)

- be there at rehearsal and learn what she needs to do on the day of

View Quoted Comment I’ll take that into consideration cutting the list down more. Those pointer you mentioned were on the list, but she still felt like it’s too much. I realized it could be many factors as to why she might say no maybe she doesn’t want me spending money on her to her hair and nails done and then the baby, sadly.

Let her grieve her daughter…. Think about if you were in her shoes 😞