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Just Said Yes June 2018

A Wedding Without A Father

Kaytalin, on September 18, 2017 at 12:45 PM Posted in Planning 0 24

My dad passed away last week. He had cancer but had surgery to remove the tumor and was declared cancer free. They said he'd live to a ripe old age. Two days after the all clear and a day before he was supposed to go home, he died of septic shock. I'm getting married in June. I just picked out our father/daughter song. I don't know where to begin continuing on with planning knowing that there will be a huge hole that was meant to be filled. How have other brides dealt with the sudden loss of a father during planning or just before being engaged? Everyone is still eager to talk about the wedding and work on planning, and every time it is mentioned my heart aches. I did ask my Uncle, my father's brother, to walk me down the aisle. I wanted to do it in person, and since I live 1800 miles from home, I chose to do it probably too soon. But, it felt right, and we both agreed that it would be good for us.

24 Comments

Latest activity by DC, on September 19, 2017 at 12:36 AM
  • Events By Jenny
    September 2018
    Events By Jenny ·
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    I'm so sorry for your loss Kaytalin! My condolences to you and your family!

    I'm sorry I don't have any advice except to lean on your loved one's and stay strong together!

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  • N
    Devoted March 2018
    Norma ·
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    I'm so very very sorry. I lost my mom right before I got engaged. Was heart breaking to not be able to share the joy with her. My advice is to keep planning as best as you can. Your father would want it. But please make time for yourself to grieve during the process. I'll keep you in my thoughts.

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  • FutureMrsR
    VIP May 2018
    FutureMrsR ·
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    I am so, so sorry for your loss. Please don't feel like you have to keep planning. You have the time to take a break and grieve; feel free to tell people that if they keep pushing for wedding talk. You and your family are in my prayers.

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  • swfan2016
    Devoted November 2017
    swfan2016 ·
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    I'm so sorry. Smiley sad I don't have any insight, but wanted to say I'm sorry for your loss.

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  • Emily
    Super July 2019
    Emily ·
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    I'm so terribly sorry for your loss *hugs* just take whatever time you need to grieve. you have time, planning can wait.

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  • danilaughs
    Expert August 2018
    danilaughs ·
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    I'm one of those people who would need something to keep me busy, so I'd probably dive head first into the planning. Only you know yourself that well. Would it be better for you to stay preoccupied or to take a break to grieve?

    There are so many ways to honor your dad and, if it's in line with your beliefs, bring his spiritual presence into that day with you. When you're ready, jump on Pinterest or google to be inspired by other brides who have done this.

    So sorry for your loss.

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  • MDEasternShoreBride
    VIP October 2017
    MDEasternShoreBride ·
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    I'm so sorry for your loss. Put planning on the back burner and give yourself time to grieve right now.

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  • Mrs.Sanok
    VIP September 2018
    Mrs.Sanok ·
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    I am so so sorry for your loss. I lost my father this past December, before my FH and I got engaged. I was very excited when it all first happened but then I got that awful gut feeling that my dad will not be there and it is heartbreaking and puts a knot in my throat when we do wedding planning. He also battled cancer, and from the very beginning he did not want our lives to stop. So I just keep thinking he s right by our side with us planning right along us and that he did not want us to stop our lives. He wants to be happy and do everything that makes us happy.

    But losing your father as you are planning is even more heartbreaking and I am so so so so sorry. Your family is in my prayers.

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  • Jennifer
    Master September 2018
    Jennifer ·
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    I am so so sorry for your loss.

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  • Melarocks
    Dedicated August 2018
    Melarocks ·
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    Condolences. Take the time you need to grieve. It's not easy no matter how it happens.

    My father passed away in 2004 and never met my FH. I still get choked up thinking about him not being there so don't rush to get over that. If you feel taking a break from the planning might help, then do that. Only you know what feels like it might help. I'm probably going to walk down the aisle alone since I couldn't imagine anyone going with me in his place but I still want to talk to my mom about it. My MOH is tasked with tissue/hanky duty and I'll definitely be using waterproof mascara!

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  • CountingDowntoMrs
    VIP October 2017
    CountingDowntoMrs ·
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    Paying for you, OP. Also agree with FMB.

    I know this won't help right now, but a lifelong friend got married less than a week after she lost her dad unexpectedly. Her brother walked her down the aisle and danced with her.

    It was touching for everyone there. It helped us all remember her daddy and still celebrate this start of a new life too.

    I know it's hard to be excited, but lean on your friends, family, and FH. Remember that day will be tough for you, but that's probably true whether you pushed the date or not. Try to find happiness everywhere you can now, and allow yourself to smile over the things that do make you smile, whenever those happen.

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  • Elizabeth
    Expert May 2018
    Elizabeth ·
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    Very, very sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how overwhelmed you must be feeling and my only advice is to take a little hiatus from wedding planning and just focus on you and your family right now. It might seem like a good distraction, but ensuring you're able to accept what's happened, and begin the grief and healing process is important. Your guests, friends, family, and vendors will all understand. Prayers your way.

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  • Becky
    Expert January 2018
    Becky ·
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    I'm so sorry. May his memory be forever a blessing.

    Don't feel the need to get back to wedding planning immediately. We're all here for you <3

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  • Amy
    Dedicated November 2017
    Amy ·
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    I'm so sorry for your loss. There are no words. Stay positive.

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  • Nicole
    Savvy September 2020
    Nicole ·
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    I am so sorry for your loss!! My thoughts and prayers are with you! Definitely take whatever time you need to grieve and take a break from the planning.

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  • Kinkerb
    Dedicated August 2018
    Kinkerb ·
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    So sorry to hear this. Condolences to you and your family.

    Take a break from planning to take care of yourself emotionally. People should understand the situation.

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  • Amanda
    Savvy September 2017
    Amanda ·
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    I'm sorry! My father passed away 9 years ago, so while it's not nearly as fresh as your loss, nor am I grieving to the same degree, I promise you it will get easier. Your dad wouldn't want you to be sad on your big day! I recently bought a charm to hang on my bouquet, the officiant is honoring him during our ceremony and I'm doing a daughter mother dance with my mom. It's going to be tough but don't feel guilty for being happy the day of your wedding. Your dad will be smiling down on you. Hugs!!

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  • ZimWifey
    Expert November 2017
    ZimWifey ·
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    Kaytalin, I am so so sorry to hear this. My father passed in January and I still cry when I think of how much I miss him. It is indeed difficult and planning can be hard but those closest to you know that and will support you. My dad was the most fun-loving person I know and I'm certain he'd want me to have a wedding that celebrates life, since he lived his so fully. Praying for you my dear.

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  • FutureMrsN
    Super October 2018
    FutureMrsN ·
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    I don't have personal experience with this but my thoughts are with you and your family.

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  • Tricia
    VIP October 2017
    Tricia ·
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    I'm so sorry for your loss. I also lost my father unexpectedly during wedding planning. First take time for yourself, you need it.

    Some ways I'm honoring my dad is having a piece of a shirt of his sewn into my dress. I also had a brooch made for my bouquet. I decided to walk myself down the aisle. I don't have an Uncle to do it and my brother is a basket case. Our fathers will be with us both, in our hearts where it matters.

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