a Wedding and a Funeral

I'm sorry that your grandmother is on hospice. Even though someone is on hospice doesn't mean they will pass away right away. I know someone who was on hospice for 11 months before passing away. Putting the wedding on hold should be something that you discuss with your future spouse first. Good luck with both situations. If you want a wedding in January but are worried about parent finances maybe you and your fiancé can pay for the wedding yourselves.

Keep the date and plan the wedding that you and your future spouse can afford. Many people find that having a happy occasion, like a wedding, is a really nice event to look forward to after a death in the family.

This is a hard situation. Can you pay for your own wedding? I dont know that I would cancel as I am sure that is not what your grandmother would want.

I'm sorry you are having this rough time. Try to prioritize your Mom's feelings right now. Although death is a natural result for all of us, we are never ready to lose the ones we love. Your Mom needs your support right now, in dealing with the impending loss of her Mom.

Although health care professionals try to give family some estimate, they really never know for sure how long someone is going to live. Being in hospice care can mean death is imminent,or it can mean that comfort care will be provided for an extended time.

You can still go ahead with your wedding planning, just don't bother your Mom with the details right now. You and your FI may, for example, need to book a venue. You can do that yourselves and put down your own deposit.

Through it all, remember that your grandmother would want you to be happy. She would not likely want you cancelling a wedding scheduled for next January.

If you can afford it, I would still go on with planning your wedding for that date. I've seen people on here who have people die right before their wedding, and you still go on with the date. You never know when something will happen.

I am going through this right now too, and my wedding is in a little over a month. It sucks, but my mom says we will still have fun at the wedding.

My mom's a family medicine physician. I'll spare you all the details, but we're pretty sure my grandma can't hold on longer than a month. As graduate students, my fiance and I can only afford a $5k wedding. Whereas my mom's budget (and standards) is $20k. I'm going to meet with a reception venue tomorrow that is within my budget. The original reception was 150 guests with a plated meal. The reception I can afford is a cocktail party for 120 guests or plated meal for 80 guests. It might offend some guests or wannabe guests, but I guess I have to do what I have to do :/

View Quoted Comment It's true that we never know when something will happen. I'm so sorry you're going through a loss, especially during what's supposed to be a joyous time! I pray you, your groom, and your families still enjoy yourselves.

I’ve actually had three deaths in the family in the past 6 months. It’s been rough but we haven’t even considered changing the date. Our family is so so excited about it (I think even more than we are lol!) They’re really looking forward to the happy event where it’s something they can finally celebrate.

View Quoted Comment Oh wow! I'm so sorry for your losses! I'm glad everyone is so excited for your wedding. I pray it brings much joy.

I am so sorry that you and your family are going through this.

My grandmother passed away a few days before our wedding. It was tough, but my family (parents, brother, uncles, aunts, and cousins), was incredibly supportive and were determined to show up ready to celebrate our marriage as one of the many blessings that we had to show for my grandmother's life. It was actually really great for my family to get to enjoy a weekend together after we found out she had passed.

We never questioned whether or not we should postpone the wedding (though I did need A LOT of encouragement to go through with leaving for the honeymoon right away as we had planned), but we were so much further along than you are right now and my grandmother's passing was not expected. I think if I had heard my grandmother was about to pass away at the beginning our wedding planning, I would have put plans on hold. I would take the time to cherish any remaining time your family has left with your grandmother, let your mom and family get through the craziness of the funeral, and then pick the wedding planning back up. It sounds like things are happening quickly with your grandmother, and January is still quite a ways away, so it's very possible you can still get married around the same time as you're currently planning if you were to put things on hold. I would talk to the church. Let them know what's going on and ask what your options are for putting things on hold (would they let you move to a later date? When would they need to know if you were going to forgo the date you currently have booked?)

If you don't want to put things on hold and want to proceed with your plans, that's okay. I do think that if you want your mom involved, it would be best to put things on hold until she is able to be a part of the plans. However, having a smaller budget wedding that you plan and pay for yourself is absolutely fine, if it's your preference not to wait. Having a smaller wedding (cutting your guest list) is a valid choice. It will not offend your friends and family if you choose to have an intimate or small wedding. Having a non-mealtime wedding where you serve apps and cake is also a valid choice.

Again, I am so sorry this is something you are facing. It's so hard.

I'm so sorry your going thru this. I kinda know how you as my dad just died yesterday. And although my wedding isn't til next May it's still affecting everything. I've decided to stop planning for now although my fh says to keep going and my dad wouldn't want me to stop everything for him. January is still several months away, I'd say keep going with your plans.

Have you talked to your mother? Only she will be able to tell you what she can truly afford. Maybe your grandmother has money stashed away for a funeral, or if your mom has siblings they plan on helping with that? As long as she knows she can be honest with you, I'm sure she will tell you the truth on what is too much for her to pay all at once. Hospice is hard, my grandmother was in hospice for a full month before she passed away, my grandfather only a day. I think some people are in hospice way longer.

View Quoted Comment Oh no, Ashley! I'm so sorry to hear that! My dad passed several years ago and it effects how I view my wedding e.g. Father-daughter and mother-son dances (haven't decided), being given away (I'm going to walk the aisle by myself and have my Heavenly Father give me away), etc. My heart goes out to you. I'm sure our dads and other loved ones would want us to continue. I don't see anything wrong with taking a break though. I'll be praying for you.

View Quoted Comment Thank you for taking the time to write such a thoughtful post! Viewing your marriage/wedding as one of the many blessings you had to show for your grandmother's life is BEAUTIFUL! I'll try to adopt that perception as well. I'm sorry you had to experience her passing so close to your wedding. I can't fathom. I'm glad your family was supportive and encouraged you. Thank you for validating my options and emotions! Be blessed!

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I'm so sorry for your loss! My grandfather passed suddenly yesterday, my wedding is Saturday, and my honeymoon starts Sunday. Now I have to make a decision to miss the funeral or cancel the honeymoon. It's such a horrible position to be in and I'm not sure what I should do...