"A Very Awkward Shower" in Ask Amy today...

DEAR CONFUSED: Being a male doesn’t make a difference in terms of your knowledge of what is appropriate. Thinking about something from someone else’s point of view is all the etiquette knowledge you need.

Common sense tells you that this shower is going to look like a gift grab because it is. The purpose of a shower is to “shower” the couple with gifts. The guests should be people who are also invited to the wedding. Otherwise, as you note, there is a massive elephant dressed in tulle dancing in the middle of the room (the wedding, to which none has been invited).

Sometimes co-workers or out-of-town friends not invited to the wedding will throw a shower for a couple, but the difference is that it is their generous idea for an event, which they host.

Your sister is missing the point in another way: Direct family members should not host showers (normally a member of the bridal party will host) because the event is too directly tied to their own self-interest.

A lot of people have family host now, which I don't have a problem with (my mom hosted my shower), plus many times a bride's sisters are part of the bridal party. That whole shower sounds really uncomfortable though.

My mom, mil and aunt hosted mine back in the day too, as is our custom. But yeah, inviting people who are not invited to the wedding? Not nice!

That's very strange. I wonder if they told these people why they were doing it this way. Because otherwise, they might not know yet that they're not invited to the wedding depending on how soon before the wedding it's held. I think I'd feel duped if this happened to me as a guest!

Strange... I probably wouldn't go.

My MFIL threw a fit this week because I'm not letting her throw me a shower. She tried to tell FH that both the brides and grooms family get to throw a shower. They do live 2 hours away, so I don't expect many of his aunts to show, but I'm not having a second shower.

J's aunts are hosting my bridal shower...but everyone on the guest list is actually invited to the wedding....sheeeesh.

My bridesmaid are all chipping in to my shower, but my sister and mom are paying for the bulk of it. And EVERYONE who is invited to my shower is invited to my wedding... (begrudgingly... haha...jk....kinda)

Woah - def a no go - trust your gut and dont go with it. Its very akward

I wouldnt go

Big No No... The things people do!

My DD MIL insisted on throwing a "their family shower" in addition to the one my other DD through for her. It was embarrassing to us...because some were invited to both...including myself, the entire BP, and close family. Ours was a NAUGHTY shower. SO much fun! Theirs was a standard, sit around a catered restaurant shower...thought it would never end!

But ALL invited, were also invited to the wedding! That is just WRONG!!!!

Tell me more about this naughty shower!! I think my mom and MOH are doing a honeymoon theme, since the majority of the registry is on honeyfund. I'm sure my girlfriends will get me some fun items!