a date that will make everyone happy

DO WHAT YOU WANT. Between you and FH, come up with a potential date that makes the most sense with his schedule and is maybe in winter to give you time to plan, avoid football, and work with his testing schedule.

if your parents are paying, be respectful, but you’re compromising. Not giving in 100%. I have a similar scenario where my FH and I are both from MD and all of our extended families still live in the northeast, but we live in Florida. We debated having our wedding in MD for the convenience of our guests, but we fell in love in Florida. You can’t please everyone. Do what makes sense for YOU AND YOUR WEDDING because everyone will have an opinion and you can’t make everyone happy. You’ll die trying.

The date you’re getting married should be between you and your FH only, IMO. I’m also not sure what your family means about not having time- almost everyone I know that’s gotten married in the last 5 years has planned their wedding in a year or less- all beautiful.

You have plenty of time for fall 2020 if you start now. And if somebody told me my wedding was going to interfere with football season I would lose my mind on them.

I guess I slightly disagree - if MOST of the wedding is being paid for by your family, it would be rude to have it on a date they feel many family members can't make. You mention your FH is adamant that 2021 is too late - is he adamant enough to pay for the wedding yourselves? If the answer is no well....I guess he's not THAT adamant after all, when it's tens of thousands of dollars on the line.

Is there a reason he wants to get married sooner than spring 2021? Something practical like needing to join health insurances earlier than that? I just feel like it's a tricky situation because he doesn't want to wait, but he also doesn't want to pay.

Uhm we planned a beautiful and perfect wedding in 4 months so it’s for sure possible.
Just because they’re paying for stuff doesn’t mean they can dictate whatever they want. That’s a manipulative way of thinking. If they want to help pay then it should be out of love and wanting to HELP. Not so that they can have more of a say in wedding stuff. Also it’s so completely rude and disrespectful to put football over your kids wedding... i don’t get that at all. My dad loves his football and i had a fall wedding and he was there for 12 hours and didn’t complain at all. I understand wanting to plan around professional testing for you FH, why add more stress? But for football? cmon.

We planned our wedding within 11 months. Our wedding was very elegant and took a lot of work to plan, but I easily could have planned it in a shorter time period as I had all of my major stuff selected within a month of being engaged. So I definitely think your family is wrong. In fact, at one point I had talked about having my wedding within two months. I wanted to get married in October and my sister was supposed to be getting married October 2019 so I had talked about an October 2018 wedding and we got engaged August 2018. Football shouldn't come before your wedding. My brother-in-law got married the same day as big rivalry game in his town. If people wanted to watch it they watched it on their phones. This is a decision you and your fiance need to make rather than your families.

YOU plan the wedding that YOU want! My FH and I chose everything that we wanted to for our wedding with little to no input from others. If someone couldn't make it, fine. If someone complained, that's fine too they're entitled to their opinion.

It sounds like your parents are holding the money over your head to get you to do what they want for this wedding. I would politely decline their gift and move on.

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FH wants to get married sooner partially for practical reasons: his job may require him to move cities after he finishes testing, and he doesn't want us to have to be long distance for too long. For religious and personal reasons, we are not planning to live together before marriage.

He also is just excited to start our lives together. I would definitely say I am eager as well--we have a very strong relationship and have shared a lot of experiences together, so it is hard not to want to take that next step sooner rather than later. He also thinks all the reasons that my family has for wanting to delay the day are silly.

Picking your wedding date should be between you and your FH. It is important for both of you to make that choice on your own. My FH and I picked leap day; February 29, 2020 for our wedding. I can't tell you how many people said something about it to us once our save the dates went out. Many of them were saying things like "but that means you'll only have an anniversary every 4 years", and "do you really want that date?" and other crap like that. At the end of the day, our wedding date is unique and it's going to be a special day for us and your's should be the same. Pick a day that is perfect for the two of you! Your wedding day is for you and your FH and not for any one else.

This is your day so you and your FH should pick the date and the share with ours. I realize your parents are paying but that doesn’t mean they get to do what they want. If there are strings attached to the money I would pay for my own wedding. Also you have plenty of time to plan a fall wedding. I had a beautiful wedding and planned it in 10 weeks. Don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself. Good luck.

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Are you willing to pay for the wedding yourselves? That would really put the issue to rest. Money always comes with strings!

That said I'm sure there must be compromise. Speak to your families and say, if it happens in Fall when is the best weekend? Surely they can look at which games are playing when and pick one that's not as important, based on whatever team they follow. If you want to be firm say you're having the wedding in the fall, so they may as well pick the best date in that season rather than you guys picking a random one that's an important game.

Is a winter or summer wedding in 2020 totally out of the question?

I feel like the date should be something only your FH and you should discuss and decide. Not everyone will like any date chosen, tbh. I think football season is a poor excuse to not have a fall wedding. Maybe pick a date between fall and winter that both of you would be happy with? I understand about not wanting to wait until Spring 2021. We got engaged January 2019 and I had originally wanted to get married this past fall, but FH didn't because he thought it was rushing (eye roll because there were SEVERAL people who got married this past fall but were engaged after us and had beautiful weddings). He wanted a fall wedding, but I told him I didn't want to wait until fall 2020, so we are doing spring of 2020. I'm glad we waited until spring 2020 now because during tax season I get paid for all the extra hours I work. So it worked out better financially to wait, but was still not waiting until fall. Haha. Hope you guys can pick a date you both will love!

Do what you and your fiancé want. It’s your wedding, not theirs. Get married when and where you want. If they have a problem with it, they don’t have to come. As far as not being able to have a wedding you can be proud of in fall if 2020... that’s ridiculous. They make wedding planners for reasons like this! With help and dedication to planning, you can easily pull off a great fall 2020 wedding. We planned out wedding in 10.5 months and it was amazing! So talk to your fiancé and you 2 decide what you envision for your big day and go with that.

I recommend having a heart to heart with your mama. ❤️ I’ve found that when I am troubled about something and I explain the situation and what I really want deep in my soul, my mom ultimately becomes my biggest ally. Good luck girl, go get your wintery wedding. ❄️

Do what you guys want!! We wanted an October wedding but had some limitations due to venues being booked. The one we originally had in mind only had November available and my FIL's were losing their dang minds over doing it the weekend before Thanksgiving. Our mindset was "If they really want to come, they'll make a point to be there." Then we found a different venue in our college town that had our wedding date available. It is also during football season and on a gameday, which my dad is freaking out about, but I told them it's not their day and I booked it. Do what makes you happy In regards to time, I started planning in August and everything is already picked out and ready to rock for next October. You can absolutely get it all done in time for a fall wedding.

Thank you all for your help! We have chosen a November date, and everyone in my family eventually came around to be happy with that. I think the heart-to-heart with my individual family members was helpful, but really my grandmother was the most helpful. We're all excited now for the date we have chosen. Ready to plan!