a Back-up Dress

Just be honest with her. It’ll probably hurt, but lying or hiding it from her would probably hurt so much more. I would suggest that anyone making their own dress should get a backup just in case. Things happen and you want to be prepared. It’s not an insult to your mother, it’s just reality, and a very sensible decision.

I would just tell her. I frame it as if you get the dress where it needs to be then great, but you want the wedding to be special for both of you and don't want the pressure of making the dress to weigh too heavily on her. I think that's still true and I think you'd both come out better being open about the process as hard as that may be.

Being honest with your mom would be best. You don't want to hurt her but you also don't want to lie to her as well. Pressure of planning a wedding is enough you don't want the pressure of dress issues as well.

I will tell her how you feel and be honest and just let her know you didn't want to hurt her you just wanted to be safe instead of sorry at the end of the day..

Tell her! Be transparent and honest with her, and I bet she will get on it and try to finish the dress.

I would definitely be honest with her. My mother-in-law made my flower girl dresses and she kept putting it off. I bought back up dresses just in case. She finished the dresses she made 3 weeks prior to the wedding. She mailed them to the flower girls and they were way too big. Because the flower girls live out of state she had to alter them the night before the wedding. We told her if they weren't done they weren't wearing them. She got really upset, but it motivated her to fix them. Your mom will probably be upset but this is your wedding dress and hopefully your first and only wedding so I would definitely talk to her. She should understand that the dress isn't at all what you want and she should hopefully want you to have a dress that you love.

View Quoted Comment This is my mom to a T. She puts things off and then rushes to finish at the 11th hour. Im afraid she'll cut corners and I'll look busted at my wedding. Thanks for the advice

View Quoted Comment I'm so sorry this is happening. The dresses did end up looking okay, but nothing like what the pattern looked like. Unfortunately, it doesn't sound like she cares about making sure your dress is done properly and on time.

View Quoted Comment Yes my dress is not looking like the pattern and it is bothering me. The dress is bias cut and if it doesn't lay right it looks terrible

View Quoted Comment I'd tell her ASAP that you aren't happy so she doesn't put anymore work into it.

Is this "the dress still isn't finished and I'm worried" or "the dress is done and looks terrible"?

I would talk to your mom about it and make sure you do two things: 1. if the dress isn't what you were envisioning, talk about the changes you would make to it or what the style you want would be 2. give a hard deadline for the dress to be complete. This would still give a little time to turn things around if you feel like the dress the two of you were making could still end up being your dream dress.

If your heart is now set on this new dress, I would be up front with her - maybe keeping the conversation in the direction of how this new dress makes you feel and not so much about how the current dress just isn't working for you. Her feelings might be hurt so be sensitive, but stand your ground for what you really want

View Quoted Comment Katie,


Its not finished and it has some issues I'm not sure she can fix. The dress is not coming along the way I would like and my fear is my mother will cut corners to finish and it will look bad and we both will upset with the situation.
My thought is to frame it that it was unfair of me to expect her to undertake this project and that I found a dress and her dress will be used for photographs after the wedding.

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I would definitely tell her!! this is your big day! its not a homecoming dress or something. this is THE dress - if you don't love it then its not the one. she will fix it if you talk to her

If you feel confident your mom has the ability to finish the dress on time and to your liking, you could either tell her to motivate her to get it done or not tell her and hope for the best and then make a last minute decision. If you decide to wear your backup dress at the last minute and she had no idea there was a backup dress, she might be furious though.

If you don't feel confident that your mom will finish the dress or that it will be the way you like, then you should probably have this discussion sooner rather than later. She may even be relieved you found something else and she doesn't have to stress over finishing it.

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I think that's a great way to frame it! Then she can relax and enjoy the time leading up to the wedding (and so can you! lol)