CruzWin
Dedicated February 2020

90 % ready to cancel. Need some advice and encouragement on what to do

CruzWin, on July 27, 2019 at 4:31 AM Posted in Wedding Ceremony 0 20
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I apologize if this post is all over the place. Im stressed to the max. My wedding is in about 6 months. I havent had time to do any planning due to not 1 but 2 parents in and out hospital. Its to the point that i had to move in and be caregiver. I have no motivation. I feel like I am at rock bottom. How can i plan a happy day when nothing around me is happy? I have about 5k invested in wedding so far, deposit towards venue, photographer and dj I would lose if I cancel. Im just overwhelmed. I just need some encouragement. With rate this is going, i don't think my dad will make it to my wedding. Just a thought, to try to at least save the money I have already invested, is to get married soon so my dad can be there, via court house or however and still have reception on scheduled booked date. That way i wouldn't lose money i have already put down. I cant sleep tonight and mind is every where. I know a wedding is for the ceremony but at this point, i need to move the actual ceremony up i think. Im so sad.


20 Comments

  • Yesenia
    Savvy July 2020
    Yesenia ·
    Im sorry about your circumstances with your parents. Being a caretaker ia not easy and i would be so stress out!!!I would suggest a backyard wedding so that your parents see you get married. I would have close friends or mother in law help with the wedding planning. If u have the dj and photographer book they can be at a backyard wedding, but you would lose the money on the venue. You can also pospone the weddings... Best of luck.
  • Colleen
    Master September 2019
    Colleen ·
    I am sorry you are going throw this. Can you do
    a court house celebration them have your fiancé and his or her mom finish planning a small celebration the day you have your venue? Just a small reception thing. Maybe cake and punch?
  • Brandi
    Devoted September 2021
    Brandi ·
    I'm so sorry to see about your parents. Going thru the same with my Dad. It is not easy, but know that they LOVE YOU and want you to be happy.
    Have a small intimate wedding with a brunch buffet and the dj. Enjoy things with your folks while possible.
    Latter on have a big reception and remember them.
    Best of luck
  • O
    Dedicated October 2020
    Osha ·

    I would suggest moving the ceremony date up so that your dad can attend and see you get married and have the reception/celebration on the date that you already have set. Sorry you have to go thru this but have faith and keep hoping for the best.

  • Melle
    Rockstar June 2019
    Melle ·
    Sending you hugs. It sounds like what PPs suggested is a good idea in moving ceremony or having a ceremony right away for your parents to attend would be a good idea.
    Hang in there. Sometimes it can seem overwhelming with bad luck hitting all at once but there's always light at the end of the tunnel.
  • Kaycee
    Beginner October 2019
    Kaycee ·
    I've been a caregiver to my mother when she had cancer. It was the hardest thing I've ever done and I'm so sorry. I was just like you - I couldn't imagine planning anything happy and I couldn't imagine doing anything to move my life forward without her because it felt horrible and pointless if she wasn't going to be there.

    She passed almost 3 years ago and I can tell you that feeling does subside. After some time went by I felt more like I WANTED to do those things because she would want me to be happy.

    As for the wedding, do what feels comfortable right now. Personally I wonder if doing a simple, small backyard ceremony would be nice right now, and then maybe you push the reception date out another year. Give yourself some time to get through this and recover so you can enjoy the process.

    I had a very painful decade in my life culminating with the loss of my mom, but right now my wedding feels like the start of a positive new chapter. If you move it out further my hope is that it could be the same for you someday ❤️
  • Tina
    Super August 2019
    Tina ·
    I'm so sorry. While your at a very low point this wedding can still give you and the family something good to look forward too... maybe you can post pone for now.. but I wouldn't cancel
  • Octavia
    Dedicated June 2020
    Octavia ·
    My condolences to you! Sending big hugs your way!!! 🤗❤️ ; Now as they say “It’s is over until the fat lady sings”. Take a minute and just breath. Don’t think about anything just ...breathe deep breaths! As women we are strong and going through things things are what make us our phenomenal selves. While you may feel really sad and low the wedding can be something that brings light and joy to your family. Talk about it in a good lighting and keeping great faith that things will work out fine. Don’t rush it though. Maybe see if you can postpone to a later date. Talk life into your parents and give them the hope they need, don’t let them see you sweating 😉 everything will work out for you. Just breathe through it. ❤️
  • CruzWin
    Dedicated February 2020
    CruzWin ·
    Thank you so much with these kind words of encouragement. 2 of my bridesmaids already already bought dresses. Do i still need bridal party ? Wedding dress?? I should do another post.
  • Kelly
    VIP October 2020
    Kelly ·
    I've been there as a caregiver. It's hard, really hard. You are so strong to be juggling all this at once.
    I think you have a court house wedding now with the parents and do a celebration of vows (basically the big wedding you want without the legal papers) later. Your parents can be here for the official stuff and you can still have your day six months from now.
  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
    Talk to your venue. Though they do not give refunds, I used to work for a number of Inns, B and B and restaurants for special kitchen and catering . And never knew one that would not let you cancel your current date and apply tour deposit to an earlier or later date, if serious medical problems or a terminal illness were involved. You need a breather, space and time without pressure. And yes, maybe a short civil or religious legal wedding, in a church or hospital chapel, or a courthouse, city hall, or Justice of the Peace who will do it anywhere you want. With a true, joyous reception later. I hope you find you have generous and flexible vendors. They don't do refunds because they need all the business they can get. But when they do it is usually negotiable for emergency or serious medical issues.
  • Cassi
    Super October 2019
    Cassi ·

    I am so sorry for your predicament. I would advise if you are worried about your dad absolutely get married earlier in courthouse and then redo your vows at the scheduled date. I know its hard to be happy when the world seems to be going to crap but I promise its worth it. My sister passed in January and I get married in 2 months and it kills me she won't be there and the last 6 months have been so sad and dreary but I know she would want me to have a beautiful wedding and your father would as well. talk to your FH and make small decisions here and small ones there. Theres not too much planning as long as you have vendors booked right this minute. Take it easy and take a deep breath.

  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Champion March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride ·
    Do it! Life has you on stress overload. Tell your vendors though because under these circumstances they may offer you a full or partial refund. If you marry at a courthouse or backyard, you still will want photographer though... maybe just a smaller package (so you shouldn’t lose deposit).

    You can tell vendors and remind yourself you self you can always have a big vow renewal and reception when you’re ready a few years from now. That way you can let go of this wedding plan a bit easier knowing you can revisit in the future.
  • Elizabeth
    Dedicated October 2020
    Elizabeth ·
    My heart goes out to your parents and you i will place this on the prayer list that the Lord bless you and you too have to show the Lord you have the faith this will pass.
  • Cher Horowitz
    Rockstar December 2019
    Cher Horowitz ·

    I'm so sorry you're having to go through this! Perhaps you could have a small courthouse wedding with your parents and have a vow renewal on your original wedding date. Stay strong

  • Emily
    Savvy October 2019
    Emily ·

    I am so unbelievably proud of you, you are going through so much and just know that your parents love you. You have every right to feel overwhelmed; you have a community supporting you.

    I think a court-house or backyard wedding would be a great intimate venue with just your parents and your partner's. Would your photographer be available for both days and have you explained the situation to them so it could possibly be pro bono?


  • Sharon
    Devoted October 2020
    Sharon ·
    I'm so sorry you're dealing with so much. It's hard enough dealing with one sick parent, I can't even imagine how difficult it is with two. I'd say definitely do a small ceremony now. I'm sure it would mean the world to your dad to see you get married. And you'll be happy down the road knowing that was here and a part of your special day. It will still be special even though it's not what you had envisioned.

    Talk to your vendors and see if you can push the date back a year or so. Most vendors will do that without you having to lose your deposit. And it will give you time to breath and deal with everything you have going. You will eventually feel like planning a wedding and celebrating again. My thought and prayers are with you during this difficult time. I hope you have a good support team and people to help you through this.
  • Kalie
    Dedicated June 2020
    Kalie ·
    You are definitely going through a tough time and your mental health is most important! Think about it this way though, that the day you are planning for will be a very important day and will be special no matter the circumstances. If anything, I would move your date closer, but if you were to push it back you will most likely lose money. If you are able to move it closer, most vendors will be reasonable and use the money you already invested towards the new date.
  • Kayla
    Devoted November 2019
    Kayla ·

    Move up the ceremony girl! It's okay! It's more important to have Dad there, at least in my opinion! Some people plan the whole thing in 6 months. Some even less! You got this!

  • Devon
    Savvy September 2019
    Devon ·

    I know exactly how you feel. My wedding is in 2 months and my dad has been in and out of the hospital. Just take one day at a time. At this point I'm not sure my dad will be at my wedding either. I've set aside all the medical and hospital stuff for during the day. At night when everyone is asleep, its all about the wedding. As for your parents, sounds like you may want to do a small wedding ceremony now. Your parents and your fiance's. Leave the regular ceremony and reception as is, in case something does happen to your parents. And if it does, god willing it won't, you can always have a memorial there with you.

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