7 years

Big wedding or small u should invite her, and u should do the big wedding that you want. She is his mother u will be stuck with her no matter what

No matter what you do she will probably have an opinion on the wedding because that's just how people are. Have the wedding that you want since you and your fiance are paying for it. Since you don't get along, minimize your contact with her for the day. She doesn't have to get ready with you as that would just cause more problems. My mil didn't get ready with me. She was invited to, but she didn't like how much the hair and makeup artists charged so she did her own thing.

I agree with the previous posters. I understand that family dynamics are complex & personal. However, this is his mother, and I think she should be there if at all possible. That said, she needs to respect that this is yours and his day, and she has no right to ruin that. I think your FH needs to figure out how to have an upfront conversation with her, letting her know that you guys want her to be there, but she needs to respect your relationship, your decisions, and your wedding. Figure out if she wants to be there badly enough to set aside any animosity and allow your whole family to enjoy the day. Only if she's obviously resistant to that, would I not invite her.

Unfortunately, that’s your fiancés mother and your fiancé wants her there. Therefore, despite your feelings, you definitely should invite her. Whether your wedding is small or big, she should be included. Now, you can have the wedding that YOU want. Whatever you and fiancé agree on, is the wedding you should have. You do not have to tell her anything and just give her an invitation to show up. You can ask your fiancé to limit any details they share with her so that way you don’t have any conflicts or unsolicited advice. Also, unless she’s belligerent, I don’t see how she can necessarily ruin your day. You can have your BMs or a trusted support make sure that she’s in “check” and still dream or plan for the day you guys imagined. Hope it all works out.

You and FH could elope and have a beautiful intimate ceremony with just the 2 of you & no one to ruin it. You wouldn’t even have to tell anyone if you didn’t want to. Then you could do the big wedding for everyone at a later date.

View Quoted Comment This is a good idea. That way you can make sure she won’t ruin anything, even if she does ruin something on the “big day “

It’s your fiancé’s mother and your daughters grandmother. You can dislike her all you want, but you will be dealing with her for a very long time. I don’t think you need to follow her request of a small wedding if that’s not what you want. Plan the wedding you and your fiancé want that’s within your budget. But don’t cut her from the guest list. It’s not fair to your fiancé, and clearly he wants her there if he’s not agreeing with you. And if your daughter has any relationship with her grandmother you don’t want to have to try and explain why grandma isn’t there. The older she gets the more she’s going to pick up on things and remember them. Whether you like it or not, you get the mother with the man. You don’t have to have a relationship with her, but for everyone’s benefit you should try to be sociable at the very least. Obviously we don’t know all the details of why you don’t get along with his mother, but don’t think your only choices are not inviting her or doing exactly what she wants for your wedding.

View Quoted Comment I never got the concept of getting married with a reception down the road. Once people know you are married, it doesn't feel like a wedding and some may not even feel obligated to attend. Unless you need the legal status for insurance or other reasons, why split them into two different events at different time periods? I'm sure a lot of people say they will do it but never follow through. I could be totally wrong on my assumptions. I just dont get the point of it for a big portion of the situations.

Thank you all for the comments I have been stressing out over this and I know she will be stuck with me from the day we say I do till i die and for those wondering why i hate her she has done me wrong and tried to take my daughter from me when she was 6 weeks old when i asked her to babysit but that's a story for another day lol i think i will just limit what parts of the wedding she is involved in and have trusted friends monitor her during the wedding thanks so much

She can only ruin your big day if you let her. I can't stand when grown women act like children. Do not cave to her demands.

Here's the deal: you and FH are paying for your own wedding--great! Then you won't have to worry about any of FMILs opinions. And, just to make sure your planning goes smoothly, I suggest keeping as many details to yourself as possible. The more you tell her about your plans, the more she'll have to crab about, and try to interfere. Just tell her it will all be a big surprise for her! You don't have to involve her in any aspect of the planning if you don't want to. This isn't her wedding, it's yours. So, do what you want, and don't feel bad about it. As long as you and FH are on the same page, you'll be fine. Happy planning!!

Do the wedding you want. Don’t give her any information. If she acts like a brat the day of, all your guests will see how childish she is behaving. But it’s up to your FH to reign her in a bit. He should be explaining to her that it is about the two of you, and you two will do as you want and you want her to be involved, but she needs to behave herself.