7 Years No Ring

It sounds like he's made it very clear he's not interested in marriage or children. Unfortunately it sounds like he's just been stringing you along. How long has he been putting these things off? Does he give a reason for not wanting either of these things?

View Quoted Comment He states that there is no benefit to being married. It's just a piece of paper. He started these promises of children 3 years ago. We made it to milestone 1, then another appeared. Made it there, and now it's "when I (HIM ONLY) feels we are stable enough we will try for children." He tells me if having a kid is my want then any Tom Dick or Harry will do if I can't wait. Same with marriage.

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Funny that he says Tom, Dick or Harry because he's acting like the middle one. You mentioned that he's making plans for your life together but what exactly are those plans because it doesn't sound like children or marriage? The fact that it's been three years and nothing is extremely alarming. It sounds like they are truly empty promises. There's no way I would've put up with it this long especially if your goals are marriage and children. It sounds like you guys have different goals which would be fine if he was just honest with you. Instead it sounds like he's creating different obstacles as a way to hold off on having children or to get you to stop bugging him about it. I think you need to decide if you will continue to delay what's important to you. Would you be okay with never having children or getting married?

View Quoted Comment His planning is getting a house secured, which we have. Not together mind you, it's HIS house. I'm nowhere on anything. I just pay the bills in the house and he pays for mortgage and his truck payment. He has gotten me financially stable where I was a wreck before. The future plans are basically how can financially secure ourselves for retirement. Those type of things. It's just frustrating because when we first got together it was "I'm gonna marry you." Now it's "what's the point?" He treats me exceptionally well, aside from this tiff. Having a family and being married has been known since we got together. I've had a promise ring for 7 years.


Also sorry to come here and vent as I have no friends.

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No need to apologize. Some men say things that they know women just want to hear and in this case I believe that's what your boyfriend is doing. He is doing nothing to show he's invested into this relationship. He knows marriage and children are important to you and instead of committing to either one he makes rude remarks about only marrying you if you're dying or telling you that you could go have baby with any random guy. This doesn't qualify as treating your exceptionally. He isn't even allowing you to have your name on the house that you live in. That means he could literally try to kick you out at anytime. But yet he's expecting you to pay the bills. No sir. I'm sorry to say this but if you continue putting up with this crap I don't think you will ever achieve either goal (marriage or children). You deserve to be happy and the life that you want. Don't let him keep you from those things.

How this relationship goes is going to be 100% up to you at this point, because he has made it EXTREMELY clear what his intentions are. He does not intend to marry you. He does not intend to have children with you. So now you have to decide if those things are deal breakers for you. If they are, it's time to move on. Like now. Unfortunately, women have a time constraint when it comes to procreation. So if giving birth is a non-negotiable for you, you need to stop wasting the fertile years you have left, and get out of this relationship so you can find a partner that wants the same things as you.

Side note: the fact that he was going to marry his ex once she decided to leave him is a huge red flag! It sounds like he likely led her on also, and she realized it and decided to stop wasting her time in a dead end relationship. I think you need to ask yourself if you would even WANT to marry and have a child with a person who clearly doesn't want those things. It doesn't sound like the most stable future for you or your future child.

View Quoted Comment Thank you so much for your honest advice. I really think hearing it from another party and not assuming I'm just being unreasonable is eye opening. We have spent so much time together and went through so much and that makes this so hard. I'm not ready to sacrifice this one life we get to make a man happy who has no interest in my true happiness.

View Quoted Comment You're both completely right here. Delusion is a strong thing. His ex was his high school girlfriend he was with for 3 years. He was single for 8 after that until we met. It's always ate at me. Even his friends have asked him why he was so ready for her, but instead of me cheating on him left and right like she did....he won't commit to me. He goes silent when asked those questions.

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You're welcome! I'm very sorry everything isn't how you thought it would be, but you deserve every ounce of happiness. I also agree with Cece that it's a huge red flag that your current boyfriend only agreed to marry the ex once she was ready to leave. She probably realized that he wasn't invested in the relationship. And while I completely understand it will be scary to move on, but your person is out there waiting for you. He won't make empty promises and he will care about your true happiness. You've just got to go find him.

I agree with everyone here. He doesn’t want to get married or have kids. I would NOT try to make him do it. I would get my finances in order and my move out plan ready, then tell him you don’t want the same things which is fine but you need someone who does and it’s time for you both to move on.

I forgot to share, my friend’s husband lied about wanting kids and would just keep pushing it off until he finally told her he didn’t want them. They divorced for that reason and others (he wouldn’t grow up, still partied hard). I don’t remember at what age she divorced him but didn’t meet her second husband until her 40’s and felt like she missed the window to have kids. She’s ok with that now, but she was very angry initially that she wasted years waiting for her 1st husband to change (they usually don’t).

View Quoted Comment It must represent something a lot more significant and meaningful than a piece of paper if he’s so freaked out by the concept, knowing how much it means to you.


If marriage and children are important to you, I’d move on, but not as some kind of ultimatum.

I agree with everyone here. Your boyfriend has no problem prioritizing his wants and needs, so I think it's time now to prioritize your wants since they are not getting met. It's best to take some time to yourself (stay at a hotel for a few days if possible, cut communication for a few days with him) so you have so time to think with a clear head away from the situation.


If I was in this situation, I would've already broken up with him, since there seems to be a power dynamic in the relationship and he does not seem set on marrying you. You know your boyfriend, if he truly wanted something does he normally go all in for it? If so, this is a clear sign that he is not fully in this with you. It may not be malicious, but unfortunately his indecision comes at the cost of your happiness and wants out of life. The last thing you want is 20 years from now wishing that you would've left sooner to meet that person who would love to give you a home, children, and a loving relationship where both of your needs are getting met. Remember to put yourself first, do hobbies that you enjoy, go to therapy if possible, and put your happiness first.
The grass isn't always greener on the other side, but it is if your grass is brown and unkempt from the get go. I can imagine how hard it will be, but please do yourself, your future self, future children, and future husband a favor and leave now. I truly wish you all the best!

You deserve better than that. If he cannot commit to you, and will not marry you, even though it is something you want and something that would make you happy, you should move on and find someone who holds the same values as you.