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Dedicated October 2024

30 year old fiancé / breast cancer survivor

Nelia, on September 17, 2020 at 4:08 PM Posted in Planning 0 22

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Hello it’s been a while since I’ve posted in this forum . I just wanted to connect with brides who were in their 30s who are engaged and planning to wait till they finish their undergrad. I was on track with my classes this last spring of 2020 until COVID-19 happened and I found out in February after Valentine’s Day this year in 2020 that I had stage 2 breast cancer invasive ductal carcinoma in that I had to medically withdraw from my university to focus on having breast cancer surgery and mastectomy, four months of chemo, and now I’m going through radiation and then starting hormone therapy for 10 years . Finally with my main cancer treatments are coming to close and I am waiting to be readmitted to my college to continue with my undergrad and retake classes and try to pass my praxis teachers core exam this fall are there any brides who are in their 30s planning their weddings after finishing their undergrad older college students? My fiancé gave me this past Sunday the green light to contact our wedding planner to set up a meeting with him to start wedding planning next summer of 2021 after my first semester back to college. When he said that my heart was happy I felt for sure he would have given up to marry me after a few times we tried to plan our wedding and something always stopped it but finally things are turning around for us. I am just waiting for my planner to get back to me and I am worried when we get married in sept of 2023 that when I go wedding dress shopping I won’t look or feel beautiful in the wedding dresses since I had a mastectomy at 29 . Finding out I had breast cancer at 29 years old was so hard.

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22 Comments

Latest activity by Ashley, on September 18, 2020 at 12:35 PM

Expert October 2020
Kimberly · on September 17, 2020 at 4:20 PM
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Hello fellow cancer survivor! I was diagnosed after I graduated at age 22 and had to withdraw from a year long application process to join the State Department Foreign Service. I was about halfway through the process and had gone through multiple interviews, assessments, etc. but when I was diagnosed I had to unfortunately withdraw to concentrate on the year long chemo and radiation. So I totally get being young and getting ready to take that next step and a wrench is thrown that changes plans. While it was jarring and difficult, that time getting treatment allowed me to reevaluate what I wanted in life. Work-life balance and such. I wouldn’t have met my fiancé if I had not gotten sick and moved to DC as originally planned. Now I’m 30 and marrying my best friend and I can look back at the entire experience to be glad I ended up where I am right now professionally and personally. I wish you both all the best in planning your exciting wedding together. Take the time to enjoy the small moments every single day, and enjoy the journey. 💕
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Dedicated October 2024
Nelia · on September 17, 2020 at 4:24 PM
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Than you so so much! We had been together previously for 3 years at the time I was diagnosed I am currently mostly bald and my hair is growing back in from finishing Lol but I just finished 7 of radiation for 25 treatments for me . I am just nervous how I will view myself as a bride when we meet with our planner next summer and we start planning head on next summer when we got engaged I was still very naive but I’ve been through a hard year of cancer treatments and I feel I won’t get excited about wedding planning or excited when I go dress shopping I just have so many mix emotions when I walk out in dresses with my prosthetic on. . Thank you so much for the support much love sis !
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Expert October 2020
Kimberly · on September 17, 2020 at 4:30 PM
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Totally understandable! And FYI, don’t be surprised if your hair grows back curly! Omg, I had no idea that was going to happen when my hair grew back and it was such a surprise! Like serious Shirley temple curls! I never had that type of hair before ever!!! Anyway, maybe it would help if you think of the wedding as a celebration of your life together? All the good and the bad of what you both have been through together, but most importantly looking forward to the next chapters together! For me, our wedding was our bright spot to get us through this pandemic. Think of the wedding as your bright spot and don’t worry about all the societal pressure of a “perfect wedding.” There really isn’t such a thing. Just do what makes you both happy and celebrate your love for one another.
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Dedicated October 2024
Nelia · on September 17, 2020 at 4:36 PM
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Thank you so so much ! My hair usually was super straight pre cancer and was so thin I was told by the ppl around who I don’t have any gfs who were young cancer survivors I’ve had to turn to online forums for brides and support I love my gfs and my fiancé but I feel still days I am alone in this. I wish I had young women who are cancer survivors I can speak to in person and being brides going through this. I just am worried I will put on a wedding dress and start crying or worse my wedding planner will have to console me because the girls at the bridal shop won’t know how to fit a young cancer survivor who lost one of her breasts haha Lol but I don’t know how I will feel next summer when we try to hopefully successfully start planning this time . FYI I’ve never had curly hair in my life since I was born
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Expert October 2020
Kimberly · on September 17, 2020 at 4:44 PM
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From my experience during treatment with things like haircuts and trying on bridesmaid dresses at the time, I think you’d be surprised how understanding and prepared people will be at stores. When I had my portable catheter, I couldn’t raise my own arms to wash my hair (before I lost it all) so I had to go to Supercuts to wash my hair. At first I was embarrassed because I was a grown adult who couldn’t wash her own hair by herself and my hair was falling out in bunches. However, they assured me many different types of people come in just for a wash for different medical reasons so I felt better knowing that. Same with bridesmaid dresses. My portacat kind of got in the way at times but the sales people at David’s Bridal were very nice and understanding and even showed options that would cover it up if I wanted to do that. And I personally think crying is cathartic, so you go ahead and cry if you want to. It is so much worse to hold it in when we are already full up to the brim with conflicting emotions. I’m certain you’ll be beautiful no matter what 😊
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Dedicated October 2024
Nelia · on September 17, 2020 at 4:51 PM
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Thank you so so much ! I am thankful by next summer I will have my chemo port out of me way before then. I am just worried my hair won’t be in more by June of 2021 . My future mother in law will be in place of my mom we have a very strained and difficult relationship my own mom has been undiagnosed bipolar for many years with my dad refusing to get her help or even acknowledge that most of our issues with each other for many years was her being undiagnosed and her and my dad were abusive to me for many years but we’re great actors to our extended family and in public my fiancé and me have been searching for apartments but he wants me to finish my treatments for us to move in together again it’s a long story but I feel bad I have to hide our meeting I am waiting for my wedding planner to confirm with me for next summer from them. But I hope my future in laws will hold me when I cry when I try on dresses with my custom prosthetic I just feel I am not the same person my fiancé lovingly assures I am
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Expert October 2020
Kimberly · on September 17, 2020 at 5:00 PM
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Well, you are different but not in a bad way. You are stronger now. Going through something like this does change us. It shows us how resilient we are and should give you pride that you overcame this hardship and the others you described before.
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Dedicated October 2024
Nelia · on September 17, 2020 at 5:08 PM
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I totally agree ! It’s changed me and I just hope next summer after my 1 year cancersversary passes in February that when I see my wedding planner next summer we meet with him hopefully he will be so excited to plan with us he’s not just our planner but great friend he told me back in June when I was going through Chemo hard that he would still love to plan our wedding but to focus on my treatments I don’t know if he’s ever had a bride who’s been a young breast cancer survivor especially where I’ve cried the last few months about how a lot of Society places emphasis on a woman’s breasts I want a. beautiful ballgown with a sweetheart neckline but I haven’t tried on dresses in seriousness yet for searching I just am trying to get excited when since me and my fiancé tried to plan a few times but something would always happen were our wedding date and planning would fall through. I am still adjusting to this cancer stuff and I am ready to back to classes full time in January . I surprisingly didn’t get affected by chemo but the red devil chemo wasn’t easy I had
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January 2019
MOB So Cal · on September 17, 2020 at 5:50 PM
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I'm sorry you've been through so much. I haven't had cancer, but I was "chief cheerleader" for a very dear friend, going with her to her breast cancer surgery, chemo & radiation appointments, etc. I saw how terrible it was for her, but I was surprised at how quickly she started to bounce back after her treatments were completed. Honestly, we joked about how stunning she looked when it was all over (we're older, so that put it in a different perspective...). And, like a pp mentioned, her hair came back a completely different texture & color, and she loves it!
It was a different situation, but I had to have a massive back surgery -- 15 hours and a full-year of PT to recover. Besides losing family members, it was the most difficult thing I've ever been through. But, now, 5 years on the other side of it, it's easy to see the many blessings of all I've been through. #1, I learned exactly how tough I am, and I'm proud of that! Daughter's wedding was 3+ years after the surgery and I got to dance at her wedding, which wouldn't have been possible without the surgery. For sentimental reasons I really wanted to wear a pale pink dress. I finally found one I loved, but the back dipped down and 8-10" of my back scar was prominently visible. I nearly turned the dress down to wear something "safe" (but not nearly as pretty...). Daughter snapped me out of it. She said I earned that scar and needed to own it. She was right! I wore that dress and have never felt more beautiful or more proud. Our journeys and the marks they leave on us are what make us beautiful.
Your strength and spirit will make you even more gorgeous than you normally are! Good luck to you!
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Dedicated October 2024
Nelia · on September 17, 2020 at 5:58 PM
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Thank you so much, Ive been eagerly awaiting my wedding planner to get back to me since I messaged him with last Sunday. I just ready to get back to classes in january in spring of 2021. I hope I just feel like a beautiful bride thank you so much for commenting !!
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Expert March 2021
Ali · on September 17, 2020 at 6:54 PM
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I'm so sorry you're going through that and dealing with all that. Breast cancer runs on my dad's side of the family so I'm worried about that and have been monitored since I was 20. I just finished my undergrad degree but am waiting until after we get married in march to start my graduate degree. Even though I don't know you personally, I think that you will look amazing no matter what in a wedding dress.
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Expert March 2021
Ali · on September 17, 2020 at 7:00 PM
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Also forgot that through stuff that has happened I thought my fiancé would have left me to but he's stayed by my side throughout everything. Goes to show that no matter what, if they love you they will love and support you no matter what.
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Dedicated October 2024
Nelia · on September 17, 2020 at 7:05 PM
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Thank you I really appreciate it. When I found out I had cancer before I found out I had cancer I had moved out of the apartment I was living with my fiancé and his roommates I didn’t get along with his roommates and then a few months after finding out I had cancer I had to stay with my parents my fiancé we only see each other once a week on weekends and because my parents are abusive and I am dealing with cancer treatments it makes it harder. I just feel really upset today . I am tired of living with my parents I hope in a few months my fiancé can get a place and I can kiss all the memories I had with my parents when I had cancer good bye I need distance since I am 30 years old and my mom is super controlling she’s Asian and it’s makes it worse
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Dedicated October 2024
Nelia · on September 17, 2020 at 7:15 PM
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During chemo I actually gave my fiance 3 chances to leave it was so so hard. The Red Devil treatments i had the first 4 treatments messed with mentally so bad but my fiance stood by me and said it was the chemo talking. I dont wish breast cancer or any cancer on a bride going through this. I see my fiance sunday so I hope I feel better when I see him.
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Expert March 2021
Ali · on September 17, 2020 at 7:24 PM
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Aww I'm so sorry... It sucks you're dealing with all of that... I understand about the abusive part. My mom was very abusive to me growing up so my fiancé really had to learn how to work with me because it messed me up mentally and gave me severe depression/anxiety. He's handled it like a champ once he learned what to do. We are living with my parents right now and are itching to get our own place again. Everything will work out. It alwayd does.
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Expert March 2021
Ali · on September 17, 2020 at 7:28 PM
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Again I'm sorry you're dealing with that. It's gotta be tough. Sounds like you have an amazing man that loves you very much. Me and my fiancé honestly were very toxic and very unhappy for 2 years because of my mental health and his issues he needed to work out. I almost left a few times but so glad I didn't. My fiancé said he thought we were gonna break up which made me so sad because we've worked so hard to get to a healthy and happy place. Idk what I'd do without him honestly. It really makes a difference having at least one person stand by you no matter what happens.
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Master January 2019
Cassidy · on September 17, 2020 at 7:41 PM
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I was 32 and in grad school when I got engaged. I was also going for my teaching license. We got married right at the beginning of my student teaching. It was a lot, but the planning was done and we were married before i got to the hard part (writing lessons plans, teaching for real, edTPA, seminar) which was a huge relief. I couldn’t imagine trying to plan while students teaching. I was also told it was a pain to get your name changed once you have your license, so I wanted to save that head ache. If you wait until after graduation I’d wait a few months after so you’re not scrambling to finish school and finish planning a wedding at the same time.
I’m sorry you are dealing with so much medical stuff right now, but am glad your treatments are finishing up. No matter what you will be beautiful when you start trying on dresses 😊
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Dedicated October 2024
Nelia · on September 17, 2020 at 10:13 PM
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I agree its very wonderful to have that type of person which I do my fiance takes all my ups and downs especially me dealing with cancer treatments hes been really good about picking me back up to help me see me through radiation. HES amazing
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Dedicated October 2024
Nelia · on September 17, 2020 at 10:15 PM
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Thank you so much!! I am ready to be done with radiation tomorrow is 7 of 25 treatments for me and I am ready to get to move on from these treatments when I had chemo it was so grueling thankfully chemo is over for me. I am just ready for the weekend
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