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Dedicated August 2022

2021 Worries

Ane, on July 29, 2020 at 11:58 PM Posted in Community Conversations 2 23
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I first want to say that I absolutely feel for the 2020 couples going through so much stress and at times multiple postponements! I can’t even imagine what you’re going through and I feel guilty about my worries as a Summer 2021 bride! But for me, wedding planning and all of the events leading up to the wedding also mean so much and I feel like the pandemic has taken that away. I am an obsessive planner and I got so much joy from creating a detailed timeline of when things were going to happen—but now, our engagement party was canceled, we had to book our caterer without the personalized tasting, wedding dress shopping is on hold, our “will you be my bridesmaid?” brunch is on hold, etc. Our engagement shoot is next weekend (I planned for a summer shoot to send STDs by September), but it just feels like an odd time to send Save the Dates with so much loss happening.


We’re in NYC and things are better than the terrible weeks we endured in March/April/May but the uncertainty is worrying me. We are also very risk averse—to me it’s not about the restrictions being lifted, it’s about not wanting to risk people’s lives for a party. My fiancé is an RN and cares for Covid+ patients at his hospital so we have not hung out with any of our family members for months. We are both very close to our families and usually see them very often so it’s been hard and I often don’t feel like wedding planning and it sucks because I love planning! I never imagined things would unravel this way when it first began here in March but now I am worried about what 2021 will look like. We have put deposits down on all major vendors already but I would hate to think that we’re being naive about our expectations given how long it would take for a vaccine to be made available to the public. I know other couples have had virtual/socially distanced weddings, but that is definitely not for us! We’ve been together for a very long time and feel like we are practically married, so the celebration with our family and friends would be the most special thing about our wedding. We would want people socializing and having fun without masks, without the distance, and without the fear or health risk!
I guess this post is just a rant that many times I feel guilty saying out loud (there are so many actual horrible things in this world!), but I just wondered if others feel the same about the loss in wedding planning joy and rituals these days. I am trying to just be grateful and stay positive, but it’s hard! I am also curious about how you would feel as a guest receiving a Save the Date for a wedding for next August (I’m a summer girl and want the photos to reflect the season so I’m sending them very early)? Would you be excited about it or think “who’s planning a wedding in the middle of a pandemic?”/“that might have to be canceled”? I just don’t want to be insensitive to the times/others’ struggles because I am not feeling very joyous myself.
Sorry for the long post!


23 Comments

Latest activity by Elmarose, on August 13, 2020 at 1:00 PM
  • Alisa
    Devoted August 2020
    Alisa ·
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    I can totally understand where you are coming from. imo, weddings are goin to look very different for a while. like the next 2/3 years. it maybe helpful to sort of mourn what was and embrace the idea that you might not get the wedding planning experience you were expecting. its hard but stay flexible . my fiancé and i have been together for over 14 years and i was really looking forward to all of the bridal and wedding stuff. i def went through a period of the 5 stages of grief. angry at him unfairly for wanting to wait so long to get married bargaining etc. but once i finally accepted reality for what it is and not what i want it to be, i felt a lot less stress and actually have been able to somewhat enjoy planning my wedding.

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  • Jessica
    Master September 2020
    Jessica ·
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    I’m remaining hopeful, but I still agree with Alisa that weddings (and events in general really) are probably going look different for quite a while. I went through a phase that I was so angry we decided on 2020 and didn’t try harder to make 2019 work. We got engaged in February of 2019, knew we wanted to get married in September, and had friends planning an October wedding so it just seemed better to push to 2020- hindsight, right?
    We’ve also been together over seven years, and everyone treats us as if we are married, so I get the feeling of wanting to celebrate with friends and family. We always envisioned a small wedding with the people closest to us, so I’m grateful that we haven’t had to cut our guest list very much, but it’s still difficult giving up what we originally imagined. Even before Covid our plans kept getting turned upside down at every turn, so in some ways this is just another twist for us.
    It took me a while to start enjoying wedding planning again, and honestly sometimes it’s so stressful I can’t even think about it at all. On the plus side though, this whole situation has made my FH and I really focus on what is important to us. That’s where I’ve found the joy in it- making this day truly resonate with our story and focusing on thee fact that a wedding by definition is a joyous celebration and should not be so stressful.I won’t get a bridal shower or the bachelorette party my MOHs and I originally imagined, andI’ve been alternatively sad and angry about that, but I still get to marry the love of my life.Personally, we’re not planning too far out yet, still waiting to see how things go. I would send save the dates, know my contracts, and have a back up plan just in case. We’re 44 days out now and whether we can go with the current plan to have our 40 guests at an outdoor ceremony and short breakfast reception, or we transition to plan b and it’s just us and the photographer, we will be getting married on 9/12. All we can do is make the best of the circumstances we have been dealt. There’s nothing wrong with feeling mad, sad, depressed, stressed, anxious, etc, etc, etc, but don’t let that color your entire engagement, try to find the joy in it.
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  • Breanna
    Savvy October 2020
    Breanna ·
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    I just came on here to say I’m a 2020 bride and I don’t think you need to feel sorry about being concerned about 2021. Yeah people are canceling, postponing, and changing everything about their weddings... but you can still have these feelings for your own wedding. This is something I need to tell myself everyday. I understand people are going through more traumatic things, and I feel like I’m not allowed to be upset because it’s selfish. But everybody has a right to be upset, stressed, nervous, and angry. My wedding is still happening, and as of right now the only thing different is guests need to wear masks during the reception when they aren’t drinking or eating... this sent me into the lowest depression I’ve ever been in. My fiancé had to bring me to my parents house (3 hours away) so that my mom could be by my side 24/7. Dramatic? Probably... but I have every right to feel emotions... I have now coped and accepted that I am fortunate. I know people who had huge weddings planned and had to postpone twice and then cancel and just have a courthouse marriage.... but that doesn’t mean I can’t be sorry for myself. I think balance is key, if you throw yourself a pitty party once you get back up from that you need to check on those during their pitty parties and just support them no matter what it is. Nobody could’ve guessed what is happening and nobody will know what will happen. I wish you nothing but the best!!
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  • Elmarose
    Expert July 2022
    Elmarose ·
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    Honestly I completely understand how you feel. My wedding is next summer as well and it's like I feel how can I continue planning during a GLOBAL PANDEMIC. 😭 it truly breaks me at moments but then I think to myself I'm engaged to my best friend and nothing is going to take away these special days we have ahead planning our dream wedding together. I say as of now continue planning with all your stuff but sometime in between March-May we will know if it is meant to be postponed. I've marked our calendars so far to keep up with Covid-19 during that time because I care about our health and everyone else's. A piece of advice when planning ahead with your wedding MAKE SURE THAT ALL YOUR VENDORS HAVE AN EMERGENCY CHANGE THE DATE TRANSFER WITHOUT ANY FEES. This is something my FH and I both have enforced into any vendor we have chosen and making SURE IT IS IN THE CONTRACT before giving any deposit. I have seen so many sad cases of brides and couples during this time of uncertainty and not having any back ups. So, as of now all my vendors have been so kind and understanding and have included no fee's for change the dates in case the pandemic is still around with full deposit transfers to the new date 😭❤️ I can truly say that has been the biggest worry of mine besides the Pandemic because I've seen so many loose a ton of money and it is just so unfair when this pandemic has affected everyone globally and it is under no one's control. I also made sure we had back up ideas in case we wouldn't be able to have our wedding celebration next year. I love organizing and planning so I could say that having to journals with your current plans and one journal with your back up plan is God send during this time. 🥰Best Wishes and congratulations 🙋‍♀️

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  • VIP August 2020
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    You definitely don't need to feel guilty or selfish for feeling sad about this. There will always be something worse happening to someone else, but that doesn't mean that your feelings aren't valid, and trying to make them go away will only make it worse.
    Unfortunately, I think it's unlikely that everything will be back to normal by next year, so as Alisa said, you may need to mourn the experience you were expecting to have. Especially because you're a planner, the best thing you can do is to come up with backup plans. Would you be okay if the only changes were using hand sanitizer, wearing masks, and not hugging people? If not, what would you be okay with, and how flexible are your vendors willing to be if you change your date? All of that might not be necessary next year, but I'm in the same place as you in that I'm more worried about people's health than the official guidelines, so I'm hoping that's where we'll be during our postponed reception next summer.
    Re: save the dates, people need something to look forward to, so I think you should send them. The only thing you may want to change is to only send them to people who you NEED to be there, and not everyone you want to invite, so it will be less painful if you have to cut your guest list later on.
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  • A
    Dedicated August 2022
    Ane ·
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    Thanks so much for listening and sharing! Yes, similarly, my fiancé and I have been together since my freshman year of high school (15 years!) so like you, I really was excited to spend this year planning for the wedding with our families and doing all the fun stuff! But I do have to let things go and be as they are since we really don’t know what things will look like for a long time! Best wishes to you and your fiancé!!
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  • A
    Dedicated August 2022
    Ane ·
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    Thanks so much for your kind words and for sharing your story! It makes me feel so much better that other brides are going through these feelings and are willing to listen and share advice (I haven’t been talking about this or anything wedding-related with anyone lately!). It’s so important to focus on the joy of getting married despite the circumstances! I am working on this!! I hope that you and your fiancé have the best day!!
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  • Angel
    Expert August 2020
    Angel ·
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    This pandemic has definitely taken away all the excitement that should surround you during wedding planning. We booked all our vendors on Valentine's Day this year, and a month later the whole world came crashing down! Smiley sad We've gone back and forth between postponing, canceling and eloping. I've finally moved forward with canceling our plans instead of postponing. We're going to "elope" on what would've been our original wedding day, and plan something smaller when it's safe to do so. We've been together for 8 years, lived together for years, and everyone also already considers us married. We were really looking forward to celebrating with our family and friends, and felt like we deserved it after being together so long. I didn't want to postpone for a date next year, because I don't have much hope. You're allowed to worry about your wedding too. It's very valid - there's so many uncertainties. It's impossible to stay positive through this. I tried too, but ultimately had a breakdown the other night which has just made me want to throw in the towel. I wish the absolute best for your wedding planning and that everything goes well regardless! Smiley heart There's definitely thousands of us that can relate.

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  • A
    Dedicated August 2022
    Ane ·
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    Oh my goodness thank you so much for the support! I haven’t really allowed myself to express these feelings because I just think, you’re complaining about not going dress shopping with your family like you planned or the possibility of having to postpone when there are couples that have had to cancel their weddings or have been in limbo all of this time. I’m glad to hear that you’re feeling better about your wedding and wish you the very best!!
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  • A
    Dedicated August 2022
    Ane ·
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    So nice to hear from a fellow Summer 2021 bride! Thanks for the advice!! Yes, the deposits are a concern for us because although we are hoping for the best, if we do have to postpone, I would hate to be stressed about losing everything, especially since we would likely make our decision to move forward or not based on the overall state of the world/our city versus the restrictions. I will definitely add that to our conversations with vendors. Best wishes to you and your fiancé!
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  • A
    Dedicated August 2022
    Ane ·
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    Thanks so much for listening!!! My fiancé and I have talked about likely postponing if things do not improve by next year instead of moving forward with a socially distanced wedding (crazy to think about since so many 2020 couples postponed until 2021!). I definitely have to keep monitoring the situation and stay in touch with our vendors about this! And I’m glad to hear you think the Save the Dates would be nice to receive! Great advice on sending it to the core group of people instead of our entire guest list for now!!! All the best! ❤️
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  • A
    Dedicated August 2022
    Ane ·
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    Thanks so much for your well wishes! Gosh I can’t even imagine what that was like for you guys after having everything set and then going through those months of not knowing what would happen—I myself naively thought things would initially get better by the summer somehow but now we know that the uncertainty will linger for a long time and that’s what is making me sad. This is supposed to be such a happy and special time for all of us brides and couples. I’m glad you were able to make a decision, despite all the sad moments you experienced. At least you know you’ll be in control of when you would feel comfortable to celebrate with family and friends again and can enjoy married life with your partner in the meantime! Wishing you all the best as well! ❤️
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  • N
    Expert June 2021
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    Hey, you are most definitely not alone. I am also a nyc bride. My wedding is early June and I have endured those grueling months in March April and May as you have mentioned and also been away from my family since February. I also feel robbed of this experience that we will never get back. When I feel like I want to talk wedding with my friends or family I often find myself holding back because there are far bigger matters of concern happening in the world right now. I often go back and forth of the idea of just canceling. I am a person who feels guilt so deeply and idk how I can have a wedding with People’s health at risk. What if they get sick? What if they don’t make it? Could I live with it. I know some will say they chose to come but that would not take away my guilt if something bad happened. And I also share those thoughts of feeling insensitive to be sending a save the date right now. Especially if it’s the very real possibility of it being canceled or the guest list taking a huge cut. When I got engaged I envisioned a day of laughter and dancing and happiness filled with unfiltered joy. But now when I envision what it could look like it does break my heart. Sometimes I hate that we have waited so long to finally get engaged. The moment we do a pandemic comes 3 months after. So if you need someone to reach out to private message me anytime! I empathize and understand your feelings and they are valid.
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  • A
    Dedicated August 2022
    Ane ·
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    It’s so nice to hear from a fellow 2021 NYC bride! Thanks so much for your support! I’ve been feeling a little better since hearing from other brides on WeddingWire. I think at this point I’m going to try to be as optimistic as possible. We have decided to go on with sending our save the dates next month. My fiancé and I are also in agreement that if things don’t drastically take a turn for the better, then we will just postpone the entire wedding for summer 2022 or beyond :/. I reallllllly hope that will not have to be the case, but like I mentioned, we are not going to go by whether the restrictions are lifted, but rather the state of the world at that time. We want to be able to have the wedding that we always planned to have so we will not consider cutting the guest list or having a socially distant wedding. As much as it makes me nervous, I think we’ll only start thinking about possibly postponing in probably March 2021. I am going to try to hold off on dress shopping for as long as possible since I want to go to stores with my my mom and grandma and we have yet to meet without being distant. I am just hoping that somehow we will still be able to enjoy the planning. It would definitely be nice to share ideas and potential vendors via messages! Best of luck!!!
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  • Llcool_Kay
    Expert July 2021
    Llcool_Kay ·
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    It’s understandable to feel worried. This is such an uncertain time. I’m a Summer 2021 bride and I’ve also already made deposits to our major vendors. And I’ve been planning like we aren’t in the middle of a pandemic. It’s scary thinking that we may not be able to have this wedding. Especially not knowing what next year will look like. Not even knowing what next month will look like
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  • L
    Expert September 2020
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    I understand your concerns, you shouldnt apologize for feeling nervous. But at the same time, I think that while the virus will likely still be around at that time, the restrictions should be much more relaxed than they are now once we get used to dealing with this and see what works. As far as receiving a save the date, I wouldnt think anything negative of it. Weddings will still need to happen during this pandemic, peoples lives dont just stop and I hope most people understand that. I am attending a wedding in September and my sister in law just sent out save the dates for May 2021.
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  • A
    Dedicated August 2022
    Ane ·
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    Yes, the uncertainty makes me so nervous! I know some couples are already postponing to 2022 and although pushing it out now would probably help to get rid of those worries (if the vendors would even allow it at this point), I would also hate to wait for another year if things do somehow turn out okay next summer. Ugh, best of luck!!!
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  • A
    Dedicated August 2022
    Ane ·
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    Thanks so much for your input on the Save the Dates!!
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  • Meglawlis
    Beginner August 2021
    Meglawlis ·
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    No you are totally right to have all those feelings anything wedding right now is so messed up right now. It’s terrible for everyone. I feel for you! This pandemic has brought waves of stress and sadness. Our wedding would have been 8/1/20 Milwaukee area but after a lot of stress and negotiations were able to postpone for 8/7/21. I am so glad we were able to postpone as I am a RN who works sometimes with positive cases and recently lost my aunt/god mother to sudden massive stroke. It’s a terrible time I too worry is 2021 enough time for this to be better but I try to stay hopeful. It was surreal packing up all wedding stuff in basement then never even thought about it with everything going on like it never even was going to happens crazy but We can’t push back any further due contacts so whatever we have to do in 2021 we’ll do. Also we too have been together for almost 12 years and do want to start a family. If I was just planning now I would hold off as much as I could as I’d want as much normal as possible but who even knows when that will be so do what you both feel is right for you
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  • A
    Dedicated August 2022
    Ane ·
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    Thanks so much for the support! I’m so sorry for all of your losses. It’s been such a difficult year and like you mentioned, I am trying to stay hopeful that next year will be okay! We booked major vendors right before the pandemic unraveled so as of right now we are still moving forward with planning but definitely wish things were normal even during the planning stages as there is so much that goes into it. So much of the excitement is just gone. :/
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