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Savvy June 2020

2020 was supposed to be a great time to get married 😭

Sheryl, on June 3, 2020 at 9:21 PM Posted in Community Conversations 0 12

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I hate that this is supposed to be a happy time for many of us and it’s not, and we have no control over any of it. I just got word that my event space (a museum) is trying to stay afloat and might not continue to do events. Our wedding day has already been cut down to a small and intimate wedding which is not what I want, especially considering that I’m Latina and we go big on parties. I’m also an only child so this is kinda a big deal. Obviously our reception will eventually be big, but my FH doesn’t understand that our backyard is not where I want have our intimate reception/dinner. He thinks it’s just like BBQ hangout with close friends and family. My FMIL said that she didn’t want us to compromise to something we won’t be happy with and I agree it’s a special day, we’re probably not going to get our day as we expected but why can’t we get close to it at least? I feel like my FH is super laid back and really doesn’t care how this day goes he feels like we’ll spend more money. Idk but I feel like we’re already compromising and cutting out a lot of what we want or really what I want. I feel like we could save more money and have the big party when it’s safe.

I might be overthinking and too emotional to really think straight, but am I wrong or too high maintenance to try to opt for a smaller space and be happy than to have it in our lame ass backyard?

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12 Comments

Latest activity by Kristen, on June 5, 2020 at 9:00 PM

Master November 2020
Kristen · on June 3, 2020 at 9:28 PM
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Truthfully your feelings are valid but that question is hard to answer because every bride feels differently about weddings. I have seen brides during this time forego the big wedding just to marry their partner regardless of COVID and there are brides that will wait an entire year because they must have the big wedding. I will say most men are not as into weddings and they think of the cost...sometimes it is the woman. I think it is common that one partner may want more than the other when it comes to ceremonies. If I had my way we would have eloped in Europe and he could not see spending that money but is quick to drop thousands into fixing up the house when not needed. I guess all I can say it that it is okay to be disappointed but this situation is what it is. I think we need to remember that the day is about marrying our partner regardless of the size of the guests. Why not do a smaller wedding now and then have a larger party later? Best of both worlds no?
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VIP August 2020
· on June 3, 2020 at 9:46 PM
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If I read your post right, it sounds like you're planning to have a small ceremony/mini reception and then a big party later. If that's the case, can you have the small party in your backyard without it feeling like a BBQ? We're doing this but we're still trying to make it feel special with flowers for everyone, catering, etc. and I made it clear that our families are to dress as they would for a more typical wedding.
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Dedicated September 2020
Mrs. S · on June 3, 2020 at 9:54 PM
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You have a right to feel some type of way if it’s not coming together how you pictured it, absolutely! I’m in sept and all I can pray for is that we can still have it and not have to have too many restrictions where it’s not enjoyable for guests. We have about 90 on the list but still it’s a worry for a lot of people I think! Don’t feel guilty or bad at all, it’s easy for other people who are already married to try and make us feel better and say it will all work out but did they have to do alllll this planning from home in a pandemic?! Lol. Light humor. But it will be your special day because you will have your husband and family and that’s the most important thing! Wherever you have it, make it your own and if you want a nice backyard reception; there are tons of DIY ideas on Pinterest to make it realllly nice!! Keep the faith! It will be amazing, sending well wishes!!
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Savvy June 2020
Sheryl · on June 3, 2020 at 10:02 PM
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That’s technically our plan, do something small like a small early dinner with just close friends and family and do big reception later when it’s safe. But he thinks it should be in our backyard, and I’m highly against it that’s not my vision and I want a happy day to not be unhappy.
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Savvy June 2020
Sheryl · on June 3, 2020 at 10:05 PM
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Yes we’d still have our ceremony and like a mini reception/dinner. I know there’s small event spaces for at least 50 people and I feel like we wouldn’t reach to 50 people. My heart says no to a backyard wedding, I don’t want our special day to feel unhappy because I hate the space. I want to at least like it a little bit.
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Savvy September 2021
Alisha · on June 3, 2020 at 10:22 PM
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It's your big day. sad to say, bride gets the attentions not groom. So you FH may not understand how important it is. Have your FMIL talk to him. She will understand your feelings
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Savvy June 2020
Sheryl · on June 3, 2020 at 10:23 PM
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That’s what I was thinking I just don’t want it to feel like I’m tattling on him you know haha 😣😂
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Savvy September 2021
Alisha · on June 3, 2020 at 10:25 PM
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Put it in a different way like... Oh yeah my cousins are very excited to come to our wedding. We haven't seen each other for year! It's sad FH can't wait to be married though.

Maybe she will pick up the hint
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Legend June 2019
Melle · on June 3, 2020 at 10:35 PM
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I don’t think you’re wrong for feeling sad about possibly not having the wedding you’ve envisioned. Its perfectly valid what you’re feeling.
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VIP August 2020
· on June 4, 2020 at 12:35 AM
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That makes sense. You should like the space! Nothing's really open here so we probably couldn't even get a small venue if we tried. My parents have a nice yard and my mom took our florist on a Zoom tour of it so she's going to do something to make it feel special and wedding-y, but if that's not an option for you or you just can't NOT see BBQ when you look at your yard, it makes sense to try to find somewhere else to have your wedding. Depending on where you live, you might be able to use a state park or something like that, which would be pretty and fairly inexpensive.
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Master August 2019
Rebecca · on June 4, 2020 at 1:13 AM
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Feelings are valid. *Your* feelings about your wedding are totally valid!
That said, your FH's feelings are valid, too.
I think you need to sit down and talk with him about what you'd really rather have - do you want the miniceremony, but make it elegant, or just push the whole thing off until next year?
There are so many options, and getting them all on table will help.
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Master November 2020
Kristen · on June 5, 2020 at 9:00 PM
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Hmmmm...are parks in your area open to do something there? Maybe a shelter with some nice trees or something? Or does a friend have a clubhouse you can decorate? It would depend how it looks because you can decorate a back yard nice. My friend had her second wedding with more friends and family that were local because she got married out of state and she basically did it in her parents back yard but they rented a dance floor, had seating under a tent, port a potties and had decor around and made it look nice. Granted they have a huge house ha ha. My friend is Colombian and her family had so much fun and it looked really nice and classy but casual for a backyard wedding.
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