2 weddings?

It sounds really important to him. You could do it even earlier in the week if the problem is that you want to travel earlier. You could also see if they would do it the week after the civil ceremony if you are more concerned about taking away from the other ceremony. I don't think it takes anything away, but that really is a subjective thing.

I would have a blessing of the marriage afterwards, not before. If it's a Catholic Church, my priest in NJ told me that it was an option for him to bless our marriage and have a small mass for families after we get married at our venue so that is something to look into.

At that point, you may as well get married in NJ with your parents, siblings, and important friends. Go out to a small dinner with them afterwards and then have a celebration of marriage/standard reception back in Baltimore with the rest of your guests.

There is no need to fake a second ceremony.

From what I understand (I'm Greek orthodox, not Catholic but similar tradition), there is actually a specific service in the Catholic church, a convalidation?, to recognize a civil marriage in the church. I would look into doing this after your ceremony since it seems like it it important to your FH and then you don't have any issues with lying to your guests about when your marriage took place.

I've heard of people having a private church ceremony before the civil ceremony (put "paging @christy" in your title - she just did this) and I've heard of people having their marriage blessed by the church after the fact. Talk to your minister/priest and see what they say.

Setting aside the whole 'lying to the family' (which I personally don't buy into; you do what suits you, you tell your parents and go on your merry way), I would think that traveling two days before would be stressful. Either do it several weeks beforehand or have him investigate the convalidation. I've had LOTS of people do that.

Let's please not get into the whole "lying to family" thing...this thread is clearly not about that and it's pretty obvious that's not the direction the OP is going in.

I would echo what someone else said about having your fiancée talk to the head of the church he is wanting to be married in. I would explore this further before making any other travel plans or ceremony plans. It may or may not be more complicated and might be something that would be better done after your currently-planned ceremony.

Yes, I have a friend who did this. Her husband wanted a Catholic wedding and she -- an atheist -- wanted a civil ceremony as their "real" wedding. They did the Catholic ceremony with just their immediate families about a week before the civil ceremony. NBD to guests, because, as PPs mentioned, they were up front about the whys and wherefores.

I have to agree that having the religious ceremony just a couple days before, in a different state, might be quite stressful.

I have friends who wanted and threw a kick ass destination wedding in Punta Cana, but because of their families religious beliefs they were married in the Temple 2 weeks prior with just close family in attendance. None of us felt slighted because we were not invited and everyone understood what the ceremony in front of us in Punta Cana meant. Do what makes you both comfortable and it sounds to me like it means a ton to your FH.

I think this is pretty common with Catholics, actually. I, myself, am not Catholic, but I come from a long line of them. I know all 3 of my cousins who are practicing Catholics did something similar. It certainly didn't take away anything from the ceremony the following weekend. It's all about your perspective, I guess. If you look at the Catholic ceremony as more of an "ornamental" one, kind of like that it's the final business transaction involving the church before your ceremony, then maybe it will make it a little easier. If it's important to your FH, I'm sure you'll find a way to make it work. But as PP said, maybe a week or two before would relieve some of the stress.

I've known two people who got married before their wedding. Both had logical reasons for why they did so no one cared. Both couples celebrate their anniversaries as the day of their big wedding celebration, not their civil ceremony date. As long as you have a valid reason, which you do, I think it's fine. But as others have said, I would do it a few weeks before instead of days. I also wouldn't lie about it but I wouldn't advertise it either. For example I wouldn't post anything on social media about it

I think if its just a religious ceremony thats a little different than legally signing a marriage certificate.

But if you're worried about upsetting anyone - is it possible to ask the priest/pastor to officiate the actual wedding? A compromise for you and your FH?

I think that would be very confusing to have to ceremonies. You are going to feel married after the first one and it's going to take away from your actual wedding. My friends had planned an elaborate destination wedding with friends and family and decided to have a simple ceremony 2 weeks before for the family who couldn't make the real wedding. They put a lot of money and effort into the simple wedding and ended up cancelling their real destination wedding afterwards. They already felt married and didn't want to go through the stress again. I would pick one or the other. Either have your church ceremony and reception or ceremony and reception in one place. Not two.