2 Tier Invitation Timing

If you do not much care about the 2nd tier guests, tell your FMIL that everyone says that tiered weddings are incredibly rude, and you would rather have fewer guests, than offend so many people, since they will talk about it and ruin your good name.

View Quoted Comment Agreed. There’s no way to do this without people knowing their second tier which is rude, and if you don’t care about these people anyway, it’s time to start learning to say no to your FMIL.

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My FMIL and I have already had words about the amount of unnecessary guests she is insisting that we invite. Unfortunately, this was the best "compromise".

View Quoted Comment Exactly this.

I know what you mean about out of control guest list but I'm not sure this is actually possible unless you give an RSVP date to your first round of like 6-8 weeks prior to the wedding (which is pretty far in advance) and then have time to send out the 2nd round and have the RSVP date be like 2-3 weeks prior. Just because you send out invitations doesn't mean people are going to respond as soon as they receive. I sent out invitations first week of March with an April 13th RSVP date and I've only heard back from 50 of the 190 guests.

What are you going to do if you don't get as many no's as you expect to be able to send out the 2nd round??

I’d be completely okay not sending out a second tier. I originally asked to just cut the guest list down to an acceptable number and was told it was not possible. So if everyone in the first tier says yes, then that is all that will be invited.

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I understand trying to appease MILs. Unfortunately, MIL isn't going to be the one who looks bad if you take this approach, you will. I would just tell her that there are only so many people you can invite and leave it at that.

Or, let MIL know as the "No" rsvps come in, and SHE can send the second tier invites with her return address. Then she can be the rude one.

View Quoted Comment Yep. There is no polite way to do this. 2nd tier invites are so offensive.

If someone has something negative say about it at the wedding direct them to fmil

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I actually love this idea. I consider her rude anyway for trying to run my wedding. Thanks for this idea!

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You're welcome! Hope everything works out for you.

Just a thought, but have you counted out how many people on your guest list that you realistically would attend? Our guest list is pretty out of control too but we have quite a few family members who live far away or may not be able to attend for other reasons. Not fool-proof but helped give us a better idea of how things might work out. Good luck!

View Quoted Comment All of our family is local. And so far, every person we have told about the wedding has said they are planning to attend. I know that can easily change. And I’m hoping it does. I considered giving in and inviting everyone, but when we did the math, the total cost on the head count was 3/4 of our (what I consider) larger budget. So we didn’t want to chance everyone showing up. That’s why I suggested cutting some people all together that aren’t family or close friends. Clearly, I lost.

I’m doing this. I could care less who gets offended at this point (mainly my MIL & FIL’s side hasn’t responded or given addresses). I don’t have everyone’s address and if I don’t hear anything by tomorrow I’m sending out the first set of invites to my family and our close friends. Our wedding is 6/28 with a May 13th rsvp date. I’ll send out more a week to two weeks into April for the stragglers. Our max guest list is 100 and we have 110 so it’s not a guest list thing for me, it’s more of a rush to get invites out in a timely manner bc it’s stressing me tf out 😂

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Hahaha I would exactly do this. Make her do it. And I'd pray for hardly any no's so she couldn't invite more just to spite her. Did you have to pay for the extra invites? I would be mad as heck. I would say okay if you wanna invite people in place of the no's then you can send an e-vite or just call those people.

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We have not purchased the invitations yet. We actually just ordered save the dates. She wanted us to order extra of those so we can send them to everyone. I said absolutely not! She seems to think people will say no to save the dates...

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If someone says no to Save the dates, they still need to get an invite. Plans may change and then they will assume they are invited and may ask to come. I would talk to your fiance about this situation, where does he land? Who is paying for the wedding?

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Even if they do most people say to still send an invite unless it's a strong no and you feel like asking and confirming. But sometimes people's plans change so they say send the invite anyways. I would consider telling FMIL that she can send and evite or just contact those extra people if she's really forcing the tiered thing on you. I wouldn't want to purchase extra for nobody!

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Oh, everyone receiving a save the date will receive an invitation regardless. My FMIL has lost her mind, honestly. As far as paying... both of our parents are contributing and then we are also paying for some. That being said, my future in-laws are not contributing anywhere near the amount of money needed to support what they are asking for!

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That's frustrating. If they weren't giving anything I would say forget it and just do what you want but if they are contributing it makes it harder. If you're ordering invites the ship has probably sailed on any advice to work with your mother in law but the next best thing would be to sit down with her and your fiance and have a discussion about tiered weddings and not wanting to offend the people she cares about. Is your fiance at all involved in this?