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Sahrish
Beginner July 2020

2 rounds of Rsvps ( Family & Friends)

Sahrish, on February 16, 2020 at 3:56 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 15
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I know B-listing is a touchy subject on here and I'm not looking for someone to tell me that I shouldn't be sending out invites in two batches.

FH and I both have huge families that we NEED to invite, which left little room in our budget for friends. We have a ton of friends we'd love to invite. We're thinking of sending invites to our families about 3 months in advance and then sending invites to everyone else about 2 months out. This way, if we have a lot of family members that say no (possible on my side due to travel and lots of small children), we can fill in the gaps with our friends that we would love to invite. Does this timeline make sense for a July 24 wedding?

March 15 - send invites to family
April 15 - RSVPs due for family
April 15 - May 15: call family who didn't RSVP (inevitable that most of them wont given our families) & finalize the rest of the guest list
May 15: Send invites to everyone else
June 24: RSVP due

15 Comments

Latest activity by Sahrish, on March 3, 2020 at 1:13 PM
  • Sarah
    VIP September 2019
    Sarah ·
    • Flag
    I think the reality is a lot of people aren’t going to RSVP by April (or even mid-May) for a wedding that isn’t until July so you’re going to have to track down a lot of people. You also run the risk of those people saying no and then being able to make it after all, at which time you’ll have to tell them you gave their place at the wedding to someone else.
    • Reply
  • Gen
    Champion June 2019
    Gen ·
    • Flag
    I won’t tell you not to B list, but asking people to RSVP over 3 months in advance is totally unreasonable.


    I would do something more like:
    April 24: send invitations to familyMid-May (like 7 weeks before the wedding): RSVPs due for family6 weeks before the wedding: send invites to friends

    You can’t invite anyone once it’s less than 6 weeks before the wedding because they’ll know they were B listed. But you also have to understand even 7 weeks in advance is pretty far to expect people to be 100% sure if they’re coming.
    • Reply
  • Samantha
    Rockstar October 2020
    Samantha ·
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    I agree with Sarah. WeddingWire is saturated with posts from people frustrated they haven’t received their RSVPs from guests and have to track them down. And that’s for invitations put out during the traditional 6-8 week guideline. I also share Sarah’s concern about guests changing their minds.
    • Reply
  • MOB So Cal
    January 2019
    MOB So Cal ·
    • Flag

    In addition to B-listing not being a good idea because it can hurt people's feelings (and I know you don't want to hear that, but it is true), for the reasons others have mentioned, it just isn't very practical. You can send your invitations super early and ask for early RSVPs, but especially if you already know most your family won't be good about RSVPing at all -- nonetheless really early -- this plan just seems like it's going to be very frustrating for you and your guests. Can you still do it? Of course, you can do whatever you want to, but that doesn't mean it's going to work.

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  • Mcskipper
    Master July 2018
    Mcskipper ·
    • Flag
    No, that is way to early to be asking for (and receiving) rsvps. People won’t know and won’t respond or will change their minds or will say no even if they ultimately could come because they’re being pushed to answer too soon. Making family answer so soon almost sends the message that you WANT them to say no so that you can invite your friends. Your secondary timeline is a good *primary* timeline. This alternative is asking people to have their rsvps in a full month before invites would normally even go out. It is way too soon to be asking for RSVPs. Also there’s no reason for a month of follow up. A week is about right to say “hey our rsvp date just passed, can you make it?”
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  • Kelly
    Super October 2019
    Kelly ·
    • Flag

    B-list is a touchy subject on here.

    If I was you, I would send the "A" list out 10 weeks ahead (keep the normal RSVP date of like 3 weeks before your wedding).

    You will most likely start to receive a bunch of RSVP from the top. I found, that most RSVP came in the beginning & less came at the end. For us, it was either: yes we are going, no we aren't, or the "we will see".

    Also, by using the same dates your invites will be cheaper - as you receive volume discount pricing on invitations, but if you change the dates you won't receive as high of a discount.

    Good luck!

    • Reply
  • Sherry
    Master September 2019
    Sherry ·
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    Exactly this.

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  • Lauren
    Beginner November 2021
    Lauren ·
    • Flag
    We asked people to RSVP three months before the wedding and are only having to track down a handful of people. I think you should do whatever works best for you! We’re having a destination wedding basically (all guests are from out of town), so people know if they can make it or not 3 months out. If that timeline gives you the event you want, do it! Anyone who matters won’t mind Smiley smile
    • Reply
  • Vicky
    Super January 2020
    Vicky ·
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    Why, because people are not allowed to be upset at being treated badly by those they are closest to?

    • Reply
  • W
    Expert September 2020
    Willow ·
    • Flag
    I got invited to a coworker's wedding a week before the actual wedding. She grinned, told me that a few uncles she saw once a year but HAD to invite declined, and she'd rather have me there anyway, do I want to come? I said sure, she sent me an online link to RSVP, and I had a great time, as did the other coworker friends who were invited the exact same way.


    I think "B listing" can work if you know your crowd, and you're upfront about it. People in real life aren't as hung up on wedding etiquette. Courtesy invites are a fact of life, and most people aren't wealthy enough to host everyone who matters.
    • Reply
  • Lauren
    Beginner November 2021
    Lauren ·
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    Vicky, I’m not sure what is upsetting in my comment. If asking people to RSVP 3 months ahead of a wedding is “treating people badly”, they have a pretty great life.


    Sahrish- I would echo what Willow said. People in real life don’t get caught up in wedding etiquette. You should do what works best for your wedding and your budget.
    • Reply
  • Vicky
    Super January 2020
    Vicky ·
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    What was upsetting was your last line.
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  • Vicky
    Super January 2020
    Vicky ·
    • Flag
    Also, etiquette is all about real life. It’s just a formal word for good manners and treating people well. If you think others don’t care how you treat them, think again.
    • Reply
  • Lauren
    Beginner November 2021
    Lauren ·
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    I’m not even sure why I’m entertaining a keyboard warrior, but your little jabs are totally unnecessary. Stating that people who matter in your life won’t be bothered by “wedding etiquette” made up by some random person when society was a totally different place is 100% true for the hundreds of wonderful, kind, and understanding people in most people’s lives. People should be able to do what works best for them without the judgement of a stranger behind a computer screen who knows nothing about their character, life, or financial situation.
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  • Sahrish
    Beginner July 2020
    Sahrish ·
    • Flag

    Lauren, sorry you're being attacked on my post! I feel the same way you do! I probably shouldn't even have asked on here, should have known how people would respond.


    Anyone traveling from out of town will likely know 2-3 months in advance if they will be attending a wedding. They will need to book hotels, flights, and time off work - this takes planning. Also, while courtesy invites are a thing, this is also me prioritizing my family and seeing who can come before I fill in the rest of the guest list with friends. We're on a tight budget (weddings in Chicago are crazy expensive), and I've already talked to the people in my life about how I wish I could invite them but budget doesn't allow for it and I'll let them know if the situation changes. People are way more understanding than we give them credit for Smiley smile

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