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Devoted July 2018

2 part wedding?

Teresa, on April 27, 2017 at 6:19 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 8

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Here's the deal/drama/dilemma/situation:

I am a fairly new bride(as in been engaged a month), and I have severe social anxiety. I can manage most times but the idea of having a big wedding, with everyone there(combined immediate family only(parents, aunts/uncles, 1st cousins, and siblings) for me and my groom are 83. Yes 83 people and that was as small as we could go) has my anxiety going crazy. My family is used to "BIG" weddings(ceremony in church with everyone, then reception somewhere else); his family is used to "PARTY" weddings(ceremony for bride/groom and 2 witnesses in Temple, then reception at the Ward building).

I want to do a "private" us and 2 witnesses only legal thing(to get that out of the way and calm some of the anxiety down), and then plan a reception with a ring exchange(which is not normal in his family)/vow renewal next year. There would be about an 10 month gap between them. He agrees with me that this sounds good, BUT

How should I explain that to everyone

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8 Comments

Latest activity by Teresa, on April 27, 2017 at 7:42 PM

Celia Milton · on April 27, 2017 at 6:22 PM
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I don't honestly think you have to explain it to anyone.

Do a private wedding.

Plan a vow renewal when you feel like having it and call it a 'celebration of marriage'.

I'm not sure what the Temple and the Ward building mean?
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Master October 2017
Blair Waldorf · on April 27, 2017 at 6:23 PM
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How does waiting 10 months help with the anxiety?
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Devoted July 2018
Teresa · on April 27, 2017 at 6:27 PM
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Celia- Temple and Ward are LDS terms. They call their church building their Ward and the Temple is a sacred place meant to draw closer to God and you have to have a Temple recommend to go(this is to keep the Temple safe and keep out those who would pretend to be LDS to go deface the Temple because you have to be a member and get the Bishop to write the recommend.)

Blair- The wait gives me time to plan, and gives me time to work on my anxiety. Most of my stress is coming from the size of the wedding and trying to please everyone(not possible but my anxiety likes to make me think I have to). Plus finances...
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VIP May 2018
CaboBride2018 · on April 27, 2017 at 6:36 PM
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Since you will already be married, call the reception a "Celebration of Marriage" rather than a wedding. If anyone asks, just tell them that you were married in a small private ceremony and would like to celebrate with all your family and friends.
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VIP May 2017
AyEmVee · on April 27, 2017 at 6:41 PM
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So wait, are you having a temple wedding or no? If you're having a temple wedding, this obviously isn't problem. Just get married and then plan your celebration of marriage later.

Even if you aren't having a temple wedding....find a nice place to have a quick ceremony/elope then plan the celebration of marriage later.

ETA: Just saw you're in the SLC area. I've had friends do this exact thing in Big Cottonwood Canyon and Memorial Grove Park. Officiant, two witnesses and bride and groom. Just in case you were looking for recommendations of places to do this!
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Super October 2016
Kelly M. · on April 27, 2017 at 6:45 PM
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Just a warning: the reception will turn into the thing that everyone argues about and stresses you out. If you want an intimate wedding with just you, your parents and siblings, then do it. You'll make yourself unhappy trying to please everyone.
Does your FH want a big or a small wedding?
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Celia Milton · on April 27, 2017 at 6:51 PM
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That's kinda what I thought. The mere process of that makes me anxious, honestly. People have to be approved? I wouldn't personally be on board with that; not a judgement, but just an observation. It seems like that would make everything more stressful.

Do what YOU want. If the idea of a large wedding gives you anxiety? I can tell you that you have a lot of company. You can't please everyone, and ultimately, you'll drive yourself crazy trying.
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Devoted July 2018
Teresa · on April 27, 2017 at 7:42 PM
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AyEmVee- We are doing a Temple wedding next year(I was recently baptized and have to wait a year before the Temple wedding) but still want to do something to accommodate my family(because well... anxiety and I'm a people pleaser). And yes please on recommendations!

Kelly- My FH has said he is good with whatever. He prefers smaller rather than larger and likes my idea of the "small first. Big later" because we can do the small and still have the big. He wants a big reception but small ceremony. Basically just us, witnesses and officiant for the legal part, and everyone for the celebration part.

Celia- the approval is actually rather simple. Meet with the Bishop, answer the "do YOU think you are ready for the Temple" question(aka- are you sure you are really doing this for you, and do you understand what the Temple ceremony is because it is a "forever" family. No "till death do us part").

I think I just wanted to get reassurance that I'm not crazy(well more crazy than I am with anxiety) for wanting to do a celebration/reception part next year and do the small us only part by itself.
Again, my FH is on board so we agree on this, it is more of the "judgmental" people in my family who will flip out that I'm not doing a large "traditional" wedding.
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