2 faced Sister-in-laws

Oh dear...a mockery? That's not ok of her to have that attitude when it is YOUR wedding...

I'm not the most etiquette-bound person (couldn't even spell etiquette correctly at first lol) but I believe only the names of those who are "hosting" go on the invite, so you were in the right there...if MIL comes through on paying for the rehearsal her name can go on that.

This is just my personal insight so don't think much of it on this one, but as for the second sister not putting your daughter in her wedding...I would probably do the same thing if I were her. However, I also think that if I was you I would also be secretly hurt about my daughter not being in it, so I have no useful opinion on right or wrong for this one.

Anyways, sorry your having to deal with the drama, I hope nothing worse comes of it!

Only the names of the hosts go on the invite. Since only your parents are hosting your wedding, only thier names are listed. If you have invitations for the RD, then your FMIL's name goes on it as the host.

We chose to put both sets of parents on our invites (my parents are paying but FH's had offered to pay half and are paying for certain things). That was a choice we made to include them though, and etiquette-wise it's probably wrong. You don't have to have them on the invites. She probably should have included your daughter, but you can't force her, it's her choice and pushing it will probably only make the situation more awkward. As far as needing approval for your brother and his husband, it's possible that's a church requirement, maybe? If not, your FMIL is way out of line. That sounds like it is going to be some family drama down the road if not before the wedding.

I had spoken with my priest to specifically make sure there wouldn't be any issues. I am a very faithful practicing Catholic and know the Catholic church's views on homosexuality inside and out. And she will be a step-niece at the time of FSIL's wedding but his family has stated over and over about the word step not even being needed and that she is an equal in their family.

My parent's are hosting, but all hell would have broke out if we didn't put his parents on. They are divorced, and it was tricking trying to word that on the invite space I had. Everyone knows my parents are hosting, it's just one of those things you gotta suck it up. It's totally up to you though and if I were you I would just be upfront with them and ask what their deal is.

FMIL barely talks to me, let alone about the wedding. If anything it is "how's wedding planning coming" and that's the end of the conversation.

You dont have to include her name on the invite. Its who ever is hosting. If your parents are paying for it then that is their honor to have their names listed. Weddings are not cheap! And your wedding can be who you want where you want.

IMO the whole thing about your brother and his husband and your MIL checking is ridiculous..I'd be seeing red and extremely mad just based on that..

that being said..

I do think it's a bit odd that your FILs names are not on the invite..they have a right to be mad..Traditionally the parents of the bride foot the bill and the FH's parents pay for rehearsal dinner and booze..I did put my DH's and my parents names on the invite; we paid for it all our selves..after all parents mold you into who you are today as the two people that are coming together to wed. You don't buy your way onto the invitation, or at least that's how I saw it. We had ourselves as hosting on the invitation, then had son of so and so; daughter of so and so.

When the invitations were printed, she didn't even know if she would be attending the wedding because of my brother being in the wedding party. And she isn't even paying for alcohol and still up in the air about rehearsal. And the invitation format only had place for parents of the bride.

Let hwr be how ever she wants to be. But the onlu names tjat go on the invite is the host. Weddings are expensive and if she doesn't understand that then that's her problem. But really its your wedding and I'm so tired of all this taking every one else's feelings into consideration over yours. Sometimes its ok to put yourself first.

If your FMIL has a problem with the wording she should have approached you, not FSIL. But in the end, according to etiquette you were perfectly in the right. I see why your feelings are hurt about your daughter not being in the wedding, that would have been a nice gesture on her part.

Your mother in law considering your brother & his husband being a mockery is a separate issue and I would be damn sure she didn't speak of my family that way again.

I had some issues w/ one of my FSILs the first 2 years of FH & I's relationship... The problems didnt go away until FH confronted his sister & her husband & had my back 100%. Now we are great & she is actually one of my bridesmaids.

The poster above me really hit the nail on the head... I get that we are all afraid of being bridezillas but it does seem to be getting ridiculous that everyone's feelings matter except the bride & groom's. SMH

I have to agree with DlovesD. According to etiquette, your FMIL and FFIL did not have to be included although I can see where her feelings might be hurt. In the end though, most guests won't remember whose names were on the invitation and to be honest they probably won't care.

As far as your FSIL's wedding, don't stress over it. Sure it would have been nice to have your daughter in her wedding, but it's nothing to stress over. Just as you are making the decisions for your wedding, you have to let her make her own decision.

As to your brother and his husband, I agree with DlovesD. I would not let me FMIL or any of my FILs speak that way about my family EVER.

The best way to deal with people who aren't sure about you is to be nice to them until they give in. Setting out to destroy them or hold grudges is only going to make you and your future husbands life so much harder. Why start your life that way?

I know my FMIL didn't think I was good enough for her ivy league doctor son when I met him but by ignoring her and treating her with respect we ended up becoming very close and I now enjoy being around her and her entire family. After all, I knew my husband was very close with his family and I didn't want to come in between that in any way if I didn't have to.

So I decided to snoop into my FH's phone while he was sleeping to find out what exactly his sisters had said to him. In response to their comments, he stated that my family doesn't have the same etiquette as his family and that it is a huge headache being a third-wheel in the planning process. I want to wake him up to scream at him. FMIL wasn't even going to attend the wedding when the invitations were purchased but he refuses to tell his sisters that. He is throwing me and my mom under the bus because his mom is being shitty. GGGGRRRRRRR

Sounds like you need to have a talk with your soon to be husband about the respect he should be showing you esp. in front of his family. My husband know that if he has something to say he says it to my face not to other people.

To me that would cause huge trust issues in our relationship.