+1's and other who to invite issues

A significant other is not a plus one. They are a couple. You don’t get to determine what length of time validated their relationship. So yes, anyone in a relationship should have their partner invited. Truly single people do not need a plus one.


Inviting your FFILs new wife to the bachelorette party and not FMIL really just sounds like it will start drama. If you can avoid it, I would.
Your dad is also in a relationship and his girlfriend should be invited to the wedding but does need to be invited to the shower.

View Quoted Comment I absolutely agree with all this.

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So I am not wrong for not wanting the people not in a relationship bringing a plus one? IDC if you are in an actual relationship but an on and off fling? its where I would like to draw the line. lol But does that make me a bad person? we have not met these "flings" either so its not like its someone that hangs out with our group of friend and just happens to be hooking up with one of them. I totally agree that FFIL wife being invited and not the MIL to the bachlorette party could cause drama and am highly considering to avoid it just not inviting either to the wedding party event but is that also rude? and thank goodness I have come to terms with her being at the wedding as best as I can but again I have wanted the line to be drawn there and not have to have her at the bridal shower as well.

View Quoted Comment It depends how you’re defining relationship- and it seems you’re defining it as a minimum one-year relationship. Just because you haven’t met them doesn’t mean they’re not serious. Flings turn to husbands. One night stands become wives. Just because their relationship is new doesn’t mean they aren’t partners. A plus one is for a truly single person - if you want to put a hard definition on that then say if they haven’t gone on more than one date with the person. Idk. If they are seeing someone they should be invited.

View Quoted Comment I agree with this. You don't need to know someone SO or need them around the group to let them come to the wedding. And what might be a senseless fling to you an outsider may not be to the person in that relationship. Same thing with people on and off with their SO, just because you feel it's not serious doesn't mean that person does. I have a friend who was on and off for years with her SO and know they have been happily married for 10 years. Truly single people are what a plus one is for.

You need to let the person in the relationship define it. If someone identifies as being in a relationship (not just a date), then they need their SO invited. You can't invite people to celebrate your union while ignoring theirs.

If someone identifies as single, then a +1 is not mandatory.

Personally I'd allow anyone in my wedding party a plus one if they're actually single. Second, as others have said, if they're in a relationship (even for a month) that's not a plus one, that's an automatic invite. I understand that it's not always easy to tell if people are actually in a relationship or not, but if these people are asking for it because they have a specific person in mind that they're with, then they're probably closer to the relationship phase than what you can tell on the outside.

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They for sure identify as single. thats why I the questioning on if it is mandatory or not. I have left with them right now that they currently dont have a plus one but that doesnt mean that wont change the wedding is just under a year away and plus ones will again be looked at before sending out invites (theres only about 10 to 20 maybe that MIGHT end up needing one at this time they all identify as single)

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Typically, it's if they are not in a relationship by the time you send out invites, you don't need to give them a plus one (since it wouldn't be an SO at that point). If they are in a relationship afterwards, it's not impolite to say no, since you're getting down to the wire in those 6-8 weeks. If they are in the bridal party and are single, it's a good gesture to your VIPs to extend a plus one.

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Thank you for reply this clear up so much =) and makes me feel better with how I left it with the few that have asked that identify as single as at this time they dont have one but I noted they would like one and if we can accommodate we will be letting them know

I guess I need to re word this we dont have people on our guest list that arent in the "long term" relationships or engaged or married it was how we cut our guest list with having so many friends. the one that are on there have identified as single for the past almost 5 years and are randomly asking for a plus one (when to our knowledge there is no SO at this time) I agree with extending that offer to the BP if we can which is why I have left it with those guests that right now I dont have them marked for one but I will be getting back to them on it

I am also using the one year “rule.” Everyone on my guest list would find someone to bring as a date if allotted the plus one. Creating arbitrary rules in the sand is the only way to cost control. Most likely, people who are giving everyone a plus one are not paying $200+ a head. There has to be a limit somewhere, unless you have an endless budget, then good on you!

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Agreed on so many levels girl. the line has to be somewhere!!!!!

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Agree completely.

Go down your guest list and divide them into “can’t imagine the day without” and “invited out of obligation only”. Do not invite anyone on the obligatory list.

View Quoted Comment At the end of the day, there’s almost always two or three or four takes on any given etiquette question we have. Go with what works for you as long as it’s not completely off the wall and just make sure you’re uniform about applying the rule if you’re implementing rules so no one person feels slighted.


I also had multiple ppl ask me if they still get a plus one even though they have since broken up with their original named guest. I’m like…. That’s why they’re named and not plus one?? So no I’m sorry you don’t get the windfall just because I accounted for them before. Oy vey some of the wedding stuff is fun and some is awkward af!

My wedding was pushed more than a year for context so I sent save the dates over a year ago for the first date. A LOT can change in 1.5 years ppl 🤣

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Lmao it really is for sure. thankfully when we made the list there wasn't anyone added out of obligation (I had to do that before when I was engaged and it thankfully didn't work out) and it made me mad to no end. The people out of our friends we chose to invite are in serious relationships long term or are engaged or getting engaged or already married and then there was a handful of single friends we added because to be frank they have not once brought a plus one to a wedding we have gone to with them because they identify as single as a pringle and now they are all wanting plus ones but arent even dating anyone. like what are you gonna bring a tinder date to the wedding? its all so weird and awkward. we were very careful with who we invited. if the handful of single as a pringle fans all want plus ones it wont be the end of the world but I am also not trying to pay out the ass for someone that isn't serious with someone we care and love about. if they would decline the invite over it I think its kind of silly but understandable. I personally think the bride and groom does have the right to pick and choose who is on their guest list its why when we made cuts we made them with people that would bring a random plus one because they dont have an SO and we want to avoid that at all costs but some how are still dealing with it. ooo weddings they are so much fun lol

We had a grand total of 75 people at our wedding and thankfully did not have this issue. I did have an issue with an uncle who wanted to try to add 4 people to his invite.....which was dealt with lol.

Hi everyone we have included a plus one for all bridal party attendees and as stated before we didnt really have many truly single friends on the guest list to begin with so fingers crossed no couple tried the plus one thing because Ive seen that one too many times on these forums lol and we should be good. thanks everyone their advice I have to admit I did not know it was proper to give your party a plus one if they were truly single I admit I was an AH on that one!