Style & Decor

Help - No Kids allowed at wedding but people are bringing them anyway!!!

I have told people, posted it on my website and even sent an email that due to our size constraints we can not allow children at the wedding, but I just got a reply back to the email that states very clearly no kids from one of my (out of state) cousins that they are bringing there two young girls. How do I respond back to him???

Posted On: Jul 2, 2009 at 9:53 AM | Vendors are allowed to participate

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Mallorie S.

Married: 11/21/2009
Reviews: 1

37 Comments | Login or Signup to post a comment!

Future Mrs.Schmidt

Wedding: 08/07/2010

Posted On: Jul 02, 2009 at 10:16 AM \| Flag As Inappropriate
Well, first of all..crappy you have to go through this, Guests really should just obide by the rules, but ofcourse they always think they are the 'acception'....lol I would stick to your guns and reply back that, unfortunatley under any circumstances, there cannot be kids at the wedding and you hope they will be able to make arrangments for the kids to stay somewhere so they can make it. and if they don't manage to find anyone, that your sad they couldn't make it, but you understand and you hope to catch up with them at a later date! And make it absolutely known to parents that under NO circumstances..children are NOT ALLOWED..no matter how much a realitive is complaining and making them feel guilty!

Tonya89

Married: 08/22/2009

Posted On: Jul 02, 2009 at 10:30 AM \| Flag As Inappropriate
I dont think I could ask my guest not to bring the kid(s) Especially if they are out of state or the area, Who is to say if they have money for a baby setter or even if they feel comfortable leaving there kids at home with out them. I see ware your coming from with the room problem but I would never ask my family/friends not to bring there kids. Maybe this is just me but its my opinion.

Ms. Nakilah

Wedding: 08/14/2010

Posted On: Jul 02, 2009 at 11:10 AM \| Flag As Inappropriate
I would have to agree with the PP. I have a ton of kids in my family and i couldnt see them not being there. I also have 3 children myself so i couldnt see leaving them out or even having them there and no one to socialize with... I understand with the money or room issues but asking someone to leave their little one with someone else is asking a lot... it almost alienates those with kids...they have to decide between spending a special day with you and leaving their children behind or not making your special day because of their children....

Pistol

Married: Last year

Posted On: Jul 02, 2009 at 11:41 AM \| Flag As Inappropriate
I agree that young kids don't belong at a wedding reception..nice dinner, alcohol, and dancing. What is a young kid going to do to keep entertained? Do yourself, the guests, and the kids too a favor and leave them home. If the rents can't find a babysitter then they'll have to decline. I've seen young kids menace many weddings.

Nadz

Married: 08/15/2009

Posted On: Jul 02, 2009 at 11:41 AM \| Flag As Inappropriate
I'm with you on this Mallorie i'm in the same predicament now.... i'm inviting a 100 guest. out of that 100 there is only 8 that does'nt have kids.. Due to budgetary constraints i cannot afford to pay for the 100 guest plus about 93 more children. so i had to put it in my invitaions that it will be an adult only reception.. so far i have 4 persons complaining but there is nothing really i can do... i want a debt life after the wedding! so stick to the plan... No kids!!

Ms. Nakilah

Wedding: 08/14/2010

Posted On: Jul 02, 2009 at 11:52 AM \| Flag As Inappropriate
i guess my family is just way different because the kids in our family LOVE receptions. they dance and love getting all dressed up and celebrating... my kids hear the word wedding and they are running to the closet to get their outfits ready. i couldnt imagine not having the kids in my family there. I was actually thinking of something fun just for them like a magician or a few minutes of Disney channel type music... IDK... but to each its own... I understand both sides.

Lisa W.

Married: 07/17/2009
Reviews: 6

Posted On: Jul 02, 2009 at 11:58 AM \| Flag As Inappropriate
NO Kids! I am not making exceptions even for my family. My neices and nephews will be at the wedding and later will go back to hotel during the reception.

amberbean30

Wedding: 07/29/2010

Posted On: Jul 02, 2009 at 12:13 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
I'm sorry but I think this is a personal preference and Mallorie and her FI have every right to want an adult reception if that is their choice. Some couples couldn't imagine a day without sharing it with their children or family's/friend's children but that doesn't mean that everyone feels that way. In the end, it is up to the couple on how they envision their day. Yes, maybe some will not make it due to not being able to/wanting to find a sitter but that is just something that the couple will have to realize during the planning process. Others may welcome the special night together without their kids. Now, the subject of the post is how to tell someone that the venue will not allow any more guests and that the kids can't come. Mallorie, in my opinion, you really should make sure you get in touch with your guest before she makes plans to travel with her girls. Explain that you are sorry but an exception for one means an exception for everyone and there is just no room. cont

amberbean30

Wedding: 07/29/2010

Posted On: Jul 02, 2009 at 12:16 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
Or you can play dumb and say you are happy that she can make it and ask what the girls will be doing for the day while the adults are at your wedding. Good luck. It is a sucky situation but if you let her bring her kids and noone else, then you may have hurt feelings all over the place rather than from one guest.

Jessica B.

Married: 09/05/2009
Reviews: 6

Posted On: Jul 02, 2009 at 12:21 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
Yes, it is a personal preference and if you don't want them there, then the guests will have to get over it. It's your wedding and you know what you want and can afford. I say stick to your guns. Just explain that due to budget/space/alcohol or type of party, this is an adults only reception. Offer to help them find a babysitter if they don't know of any. My best friend was married last year, they didn't invite kids, people RSVP'd with their kids and she didn't say anything, she just let it slide. The kids almost knocked over the projector showing the slide show, they ran all over the place, and one ended up in the ER because he sliced his head open because they were running around.

Mallorie S.

Married: 11/21/2009
Reviews: 1

Posted On: Jul 02, 2009 at 12:27 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
I would love for everyone to come and avoid all this drama but due to the obvious budget concerns and space concerns. The fact of the matter is that I am having to take some close friends off the list to make room for children of family members that I have not seen in years.

Mallorie S.

Married: 11/21/2009
Reviews: 1

Posted On: Jul 02, 2009 at 12:30 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
I really appreciate all the advice it is helping me out in not feeling like such a bad guy. I am trying not to become a bridezilla but i am at my breaking point right now. The wedding planning has been so smooth except for this enormous problem =(

lauren10

Married: 08/29/2009
Reviews: 5

Posted On: Jul 02, 2009 at 12:50 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
Hey, at least your reason is budget constraints...my reason for not having kids at the wedding is simply that I don't want them anywhere near it! I would have no problem telling anyone that tries that they can't bring their kids. I totally understand that some people see it as a hardship to get a sitter and make arrangements, which is why I'd be totally understanding if they decided not to come to the wedding because of it. It doesn't make you, or any of us, a bad person for having that preference. As far as I'm concerned, this cousin didn't have the courtesy of complying with your wishes...so you have every right to stand your ground and be totally frank when you talk to them. You have nothing to apologize for either...just say, I see that you included your children on the invite, but hubby and I decided that we are not making any exceptions for having children at the wedding. Enough said! good luck! :)

Mrs. Katie Rinker

Married: 10/03/2009
Reviews: 9

Posted On: Jul 02, 2009 at 12:52 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
Ok, I have done the same on my invitations as well, but they haven't gone out yet.. but my cousin told me that if anyone replies w/ children on the response card to call them & explain that you would love to have them there but you can't bear the extra cost for a child to eat!! Please $120 for a child to eat, NO WAY!! Kindly tell them that you would appreciate it if they found a sitter.. I hope all goes well for you & FH!!

VegasBride

Married: 09/24/2009
Reviews: 6

Posted On: Jul 02, 2009 at 1:47 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
Ok so this is my suggestion. Will alcohol be served at the wedding? If so explain to them that your venue's liqueur license is not valid when children are located in the hall and that while you would love to have their children present the hall has requested NO CHILDREN!! That way you don't look like the bad guy and the kids don't show up. Also make sure to tell your caterer and venue of what you have told everyone so that way if the parents start asking around your story becomes legit.

Ms. Nakilah

Wedding: 08/14/2010

Posted On: Jul 02, 2009 at 2:07 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
I like one of the earlier post that was basically saying "sorry as much as i would like to have you here we just cant accommadate children. and we would love to see you later at a family event or something like that....

megdalena

Wedding: 05/21/2010

Posted On: Jul 02, 2009 at 4:37 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
If you want to be really too nice you could hire a babysitter to watch the kids during the reception at some other location. But like many others have said you should probably just stick to your guns.

SoontobeMrs

Wedding: 09/04/2010

Posted On: Jul 02, 2009 at 4:38 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
I am kind of back and forth with this issue as well because me and my FH have lots of kids in our family. But like some of you we will not have the money to feed over 200 adults and maybe just as many kids. Really not sure what to do just yet. I want to do the adult only thing though because it will save on so much money.

JulyBride

Married: 07/25/2009
Reviews: 5

Posted On: Jul 02, 2009 at 6:44 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
First, do not feel bad about not wanting children at your wedding. It is a personal choice, and one that your guests should respect. I have had some very angry responses from those who have told me that they were bringing their after, like you, I had made it VERY certain that they were not allowed, and I have told them simply that it was adults only. We just don't have the room, budget, etc to allow kids to come. Our guest list is around 45, if we allowed all the kids it would be well over 60. If you are serving alcohol that is a great point to make to them, just say your venue forbids it, therefore you are not the bad guy. Now, with all that said, I can see your cousin coming from out of state bringing her kids to with her to where you are, because maybe she just doesn't have anyone to watch them where she is at. But even understanding that you need to make it clear to her that they will not be able to come to the wedding, so she will have to find someone to watch them there.

Ravenbird

Wedding: 05/28/2011

Posted On: Jul 03, 2009 at 2:22 AM \| Flag As Inappropriate
I hear what both people are saying and I am glad I only have about 20 kids or less coming to the wedding. As for what Ms Nakilah said it's not just your family mine to. You say wedding and it's on lol. My FH is thinking about having no DJ and I'm like I don't know how that's going to work with my family lol. I am also going to make a coloring book for the kids I made one already and it looks great I found this program online called Eclipse Crosswords and it's free to down load. all you have to do when you down load it is enter the Questions and answers you want and they make a cross word for you than you can save or print them. I made a few of these for the older kids coming to the wedding. I was also thinking about making a cross word for the bridal shower for a game. I was thinking about calling it how well you know the bride and groom and the first person to answer them all right would win a prize.

Tricia B.

Married: 02/15/2009

Posted On: Jul 03, 2009 at 4:22 AM \| Flag As Inappropriate
Not only is it rude, but it's very disrespectful. There is nothing wrong with your request and since you're paying for the wedding and not your guests YOU choose who is invited or not. It would be different if you had children yourself than that wouldn't be cool not to invite other children. Stick to your guns and say no way to the children's parents. Good luck!

rmtagg

2daysphotos

Posted On: Jul 03, 2009 at 12:28 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
Just a thought. Are other family members hiring baby sitters? If so you might be able for a few extra bucks have them watch your cousins children too. Let your cousin know you have arranged for baby sitting for the children since you are not having any children at your wedding.

Paige M.

Time Capsule Media

Posted On: Jul 03, 2009 at 12:45 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
There are companies that specialize in babysitting at special events. May want to see if there is one in your area just in case the cousins aren't the only guests that show up with their children.

Mallorie S.

Married: 11/21/2009
Reviews: 1

Posted On: Jul 03, 2009 at 12:51 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
I have already researched some babysitters and I like the idea of hiring a babysitting service but where should they babysit the kids? In my hotel room? Their hotel rooms? I know that the parents will want to be close to the kids. Now I just have to get up the guts to tell my cousin and reiterate "no kids" to the other family members with kids Thanks again for all the advice it is really helpful. Brides helping brides it is such a great thing =)

wowjunkie

Wedding: 06/12/2010

Posted On: Jul 03, 2009 at 12:55 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
Your hotel probably has a conference room they can rent you. I would call them and see what they can do.

christy love

Wedding: 03/27/2010

Posted On: Jul 03, 2009 at 1:42 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
Really... Stick to your guns. Renting babysittes and conference rooms is all another expense that you should not have deal with. This is your day. Like someone said earlier, you should not have to stop ur reception because someones child injured themselves or decided to have a meltdown. I will have children at my reception, but if I decide to change my mind before we send invitations, so be it. You are not the first or last couple to have adults only reception. Good luck!

Angela B.

Wedding: 07/31/2010

Posted On: Jul 03, 2009 at 9:42 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
Just tell them that it is your wedding and if you have made the request of no children then it should be respected. And if they aren't listening offer a number or two of a babysitter that could stay with them during the wedding. It is your wedding and you are paying for it so it is very rude of them not to respect you.

lisamarie1980

Wedding: 06/25/2010

Posted On: Jul 04, 2009 at 12:16 AM \| Flag As Inappropriate
I don't, and I repeat, don't want kids at my wedding; however, I am making the exception for out of town guests and family. I was told that the proper ettiquette (spelling?) is that when you address the invitations you should be clear on who is invited. So if you are allowing kids you would address the envelope/invite to the "Smith Family," but if you only want the parents, then you would put "Mr. and Mrs. John Smith." If you really want to make it a done deal, on the response cards put down the number, that way they know it is only the two of them, not any little ones. You do have to consider out of town guests and family though...

naikia m.

Wedding: 10/22/2010

Posted On: Jul 05, 2009 at 7:07 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
NO KIDS NO KIDS THAT WHAT YOU SAID SO THAT WHAT IT IS I HAVE THE SAME PROB. MY FAMILY IS FROM OUT TOWN BUT I HAD TO TELL MY AUNT AND THE REST OF THE FAILY AND FRIEND THAT I DONT HAVE MONEY OR SPACE FOR KID AND I DONT WANT THEM RUN AND JUMP AND GETTING IN THE WAY BECAUSE THEY SAY YOU ONLY HAVE ONE NIGHT NOW THE KIDS THAT ARE IN MY WEDDING ARE COMMING BUT THAT IT. MY BF IS VERY UPSET SHE SAID HER LIL PRINCESS WAS COMMING I TOLD HER NOT AT THAT CASTEL LOL SHE WILL GET OVER IT OR SHE WONT BE IN THE WEDDING IT MY DAY I HAVE TO MAKE A STAND I HAVE A TWO YEAR OLD AND I WOULD NEVER TAKE HIM TO WEDDING IT;S NOT HIS PLACE

caterina02

Wedding: 09/04/2010

Posted On: Jul 05, 2009 at 8:35 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
One compromise my sister made at hers was that she provided a babysitter during the reception. This way the kids were entertained and they weren't disrupting the reception. I completely agree that people should abide by the wishes of the bride and groom.

cnmnfe44

Wedding: 01/23/2010

Posted On: Jul 05, 2009 at 8:48 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
I am also not having children at my reception. My invitations dont go out till oct so I personally called and emailed all my guests that have children and explained to them its a formal dinner ect and we would appreciate if there were no children under 12. I am so sorry you are going through this I hope people will just understand where you are coming from and respect your wishes.

Mallorie S.

Married: 11/21/2009
Reviews: 1

Posted On: Jul 05, 2009 at 9:47 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
Thanks GIRLS!! I am so glad that I am not the only person that feels this way. So I did respond back offering up a really good babysitting service that does arts and crafts with the kids that is also Licensed and comes highly recommended...but they don't feel comfortable with leaving their kids with a stranger. My cousin said you will understand one day when you have kids but the truth is my fiance and I have made this decision together that we do not want children. Our children are our dogs how would they feel if we brought our dogs their wedding or formal gathering?

lauren10

Married: 08/29/2009
Reviews: 5

Posted On: Jul 06, 2009 at 8:07 AM \| Flag As Inappropriate
It is such a pet peeve of mine when parents say to you "You'll understand when you have kids". I want to say, well guess what...MOST of the parents I know aren't that self-centered and obnoxious. Not one of my friends is pulling something like that and they ALL have young children (I just counted-12 kids under the age of 5). One of my friends is leaving her 6 month old behind, and didn't think twice about it. Sorry for ranting. Yes, I know I don't have kids yet, thanks for pointing out the obvious...but if everyone else can leave their kids with a sitter, why can't YOU?? it's bull!!

Dominique&Rico

Married: 08/09/2009

Posted On: Jul 06, 2009 at 8:44 AM \| Flag As Inappropriate
Some people are so inconsiderate. I don't want kids at my wedding and FH does we put in our envelopes adult only reception and his aunts he told it was ok to bring their kids I told everyone in my family no kids and they understand. I wish he didnt invite them but that was what he wanted to for his guest list and since he has younger siblings whom are younger we had to invte them since they are inthe wedding but I really dont think children belong at weddings and you pay all that money and they barely touch the food you are right for not wanting them there and for me its not a money issue so much its just that I dont want them there at least you and your FH are on the same page Good luck and stick to your guns. I hate when people who have kids act like that because you dont . Having kids doesnt give you the rite to be inconsiderate those are their kids not yours Just enjoy your day and don't let any thing or anyone ruin it

Future Mrs. Soma

Wedding: 05/22/2010

Posted On: Jul 06, 2009 at 10:47 AM \| Flag As Inappropriate
I decided to make exceptions for children, but only for my out of town guests. Everyone else can find a sitter, they live close to home and aren't traveling far.

Future Mrs. B

Wedding: 07/18/2010

Posted On: Aug 28, 2009 at 2:55 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
We have the same problem. We are have a wedding in Las Vegas of all places (out in the desert @ Valley of Fire)- if that doesn't spell adult wedding I don't know what does. And some of my friends have not only invited children, but suggest that they should somehow be involved in this wedding. My own future step-son is not going to be there. I was so shocked at this assumption that I was literally speechless. Now I have to find a way to tell my friends and family there will not be any children involved in the wedding. 3 newborns came into our family this summer and I have a friend with a 2 year old grandson, what is a girl to do?

Tish D.

Elegant Event Sitters, Inc

Posted On: Nov 02, 2009 at 7:06 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
As the owner of a wedding sitting service, I really think that you should consider hiring someone to keep the kids occupied. If you don't want kids there, it's totally up to you because it's your day! If you don't want to pay for the service,have your guests pay for it.

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