younger sisters pregnancy is exactly one month behind me...upset

My sister and I have children 9 weeks apart - her only and my second child. I know she was hoping to borrow the baby items I had from my first child when she found out I was pregnant the second time, but all in all we just enjoyed being pregnant together. We measured our bellies weekly and compared notes - the good, the bad, and the ugly LOL

Our kids are extremely close as my oldest is only 16 months older than hers so we have a 6.5 year old and 2 five year olds. It's fun. DH and I will have one at some point and I feel bad that our kid is always going to be the odd one out and so much younger than the others, but such is life.

I doubt she did it on purpose, it was probably an accident - but think of the positives, your son or daughter will grow up with a cousin the same age! making them closer

sorry, i'm the optimistic one!

I am with Lisa on this one - To say your sister ruined her life is a bit dramatic....

I got pregnant at 19...my now 10 *almost 11* year old son has never met his biological father and probably never will.

But - I graduated from college with a BA and later went on to get my MBA - have an awesome job, own my own house, and I am getting ready to marry the man of my dreams....

You can feel jealous that your sister had no problems getting pregnant but you can't be mad at her for it.

I get why you're annoyed but it sounds like you're letting go of that which is great. I think it will be fun to have cousins so close together. As someone said earlier, they will probably be super close (unless their parents prevent that). It's like your kid having a built in friend

You can't undo it so you may as well accept it. Doesn't mean you have to be happy about it but being annoyed won't change the fact that she's pregnant.

ETA: no one is going to be less happy for you because she's pregnant too. Especially if her situation is less stable. People will probably be happier for you considering you're married and had been ttc.

I can see why you are concerned despite anecdotal evidence presented in this post by others who know teen moms, the reality is most teen moms struggle. Only 50% of them graduate high, 2% obtain a college degree by 30. Most struggle with poverty and their kids struggle academically more than their peers.

At this point the best you can do is to support her. From what you have posted the bio dad isn't a great guy so she will need all the help from her family she can get.

You may not agree with your sister about 18 being an ok age to have a child, but it's ultimately her decision. I understand that you wanted to protect her from making what, in your eyes, was a huge mistake; but she obviously doesn't see it that way, and you should respect that.

As for her stealing your thunder or taking away this special time for you, you're being silly. People get pregnant every day, yet each birth is still special. Be a good sister and friend to her and show her your support during this time.

Mrs., I think you are being selfish. Your sister probably didn't get pregnant on purpose and she will need support. You could be enjoying being pregnant together, discuss pregnancy issues with one another and things like that.

As far as ruining her life, like Lisa, I had a child young. I was 18 when my daughter was born. I decided that I wouldn't let it make my life less. I decided that I would show my daughters (I have a second child at almost 20) that you can still be successful. I graduated high school and then got my Associate's degree. I have held a full time job for over 18 years (2 companies but that's pretty good). Carrie, I think it's attitudes like yours that cause greater issues. People see a teen mother and assume she's going to fail. It takes more strength to have to fight as well as be respected. Just because a woman has a baby before 20 doesn't mean she will fail, only that she will have to work harder and use the resources available to her!

I think it is pretty unreasonable for you to be upset with her for stealing your spotlight. Honestly, that statement seems like you are expecting the whole world to center around your pregnancy. She is going to need your support, and honestly you will need hers too. It is actually a good thing to have another mommy with a kid so close to yours. It's someone know exactly what is going on in your life at the same moments. Not to mention that your kids will grow up with a cousin so close in age.

Support each other and don't focus strictly on you.

I don't think she's trying to steal your thunder. Yeah she's 18 and she's pregnant, but there is no reason to get yourself upset about it. When I was pregnant with my first born, my little sister who was 16 at the time got pregnant with her first baby too. We were disappointed/ upset because she was only 16. I was in my last trimester when we found out, so it wasn't as close as yours. Then when I got pregnant with my 2nd child, she got pregnant with her 2nd. We were 3 1/2 months apart. I didn't feel like she was trying to outshine me or trying to steal my pregnancy time. I think we bonded more, because we were able to share this experience together and that our kids are close in age. My kids are 7 and 4 now and hers are 6 and 4. They are all super close.

I laugh now and tell her If I get pregnant is she going to get pregnant. No matter what, she's your sister and she will always be there. I'm sure she wants you to be happy for her as she is for you.

@Theresa - attitudes like mine? What ones based on FACTS and statistics. Teen mothers have serious struggles, have you bothered doing any real research on this? I have. I'm not looking down on them as you seem to imply. Maybe if people like YOU would acknowledge that we as a country could continue to make progress in this area. Given what the OP has posted previously I can totally see why she is concerned.

I guess you can be glib and say well I did so can anyone but it doesn't chance reality.

It kind of sucks. But think of how much fun you can have being pregnant together. It might be kind of fun. Plus you get to learn how to raise children at the same time you can help one another.

I dont think there is anything wrong in you saying she ruined her life. To get pregnant so young and by such an older man is pretty bad. But as long as she takes care of her life and her baby then thats all that matters. I dont think babies should have babies.

It's out of your control, unfortunately. i wouldn't waste the energy on being angry. enjoy this time and be supportive if you can!

Ok felling like she isnt ready is one thing, but being mad that shes stealing your thunder? That sounds SO SELFISH. I would be happy if my sister and I were having a baby the same time so we could go through it together..

But guess what its not all about you its about the kids your both bearing. Stop being unreasonable

Instead of being upset be happy you two can share this. There's nothing that can be done and maybe it was an accident. I know its crazy and you want all the attention but what's the likelihood that it happens at the same time... Especially when you were having issues. Just be happy you have someone to share it with. And if she truly looks up to you it should surprise you all that much that its happened... The one thing you've said you want soooo bad and made it so appealing she did too.

Honestly, I'm normally of the opinion that you have every right to be angry when someone steals your thunder.

But, in this case you're be pushing the line of "unreasonableness." Clearly, your sister has a rough road ahead of her. Anyone who looks at your situations can see that. It is understandable to feel annoyed when someone takes the attention away from a special time for you, but in this case I think you need the think about the long-term picture and think about the struggles your sister is going to have that you, likely, won't.

Try to put those feelings aside and be there for her. She's going to need a supportive big sister through this and will need your maturity and guidance to help have and raise a well-rounded child.

I imagine your sister is very jealous of your situation, because you have everything a woman typically wants at that point in their life.

I do understand where you are coming from, but your sister will be or might already be feeling pretty down about her situation so any kind of support you could give her would help.

Also, I have two cousins who are sisters and they both got pregnant in the same year... they were I believe a month apart and everybody was much more excited and happy about the cousin that was married and had her life together than the other one. It was kind of sad, but it is kind of that unspoken truth. I just hate to think how that will made the other feel since people weren't really hiding their excitement. :/

As someone who had a baby at 18 I don't feel I ruined my life. yeah I'm not with their father anymore but I still didn't ruin a thing. I love my family I always have wanted to be a mom and for a very long time that was all I wanted. Some people want careers I wanted a family. It's been hard but my kids help make me a better person everyday.

Honestly, I think you are being unreasonable. Getting pregnant as you know it's like always waving a wand and you're pregnant. The fact is she probably was already pregnant but didn't know it when you told her you were. Given most don't find out until two to three weeks after conception. Even then even if she was competing. This is her journey. The thing is like it or not your about to be an aunt. Be a good sister. Be happy for her and be there for your sister. And I hope she would do the same.

FWIW next year I am going to school to be a midwife. My oldest daughter who is 13 is in pre-ap classes, on the top in her class. Mostly all A's. My second daughter is thriving in orchestra and performing arts, my son is in the gifted and talented program, my 2 year old, well she is just her awesome self. I am now 32 yrs old. My children didn't ruin me or my life. The improved it infact at times might of saved it.

Hi dear, just wanna tell you my opinion.

Try to speak heart to heart with one another. in my opinion, it is just your one side opinion. You dont know what your sister's mind yet. Maybe she just copied everything you do, but pregnancy? hmm i dont think so.. you both should be supporting each other. moreover during this time it is a crucial time for your baby development