Who to invite to the engagement party?

It’s very rude to invite someone to a pre-wedding event who won’t be invited to the wedding.

View Quoted Comment Understandable. I was just asking because In all reality, we couldn’t invite everyone tho we wanted to. And we will not be inviting all the older people to the engagement party but they are coming to the wedding.


My logic is that my coworkers might bring a date and will not be allowed to bring them to the wedding. Again on the head count and it being an intimate event. And realistically it’s not like the bulk of the people aren’t invited but it may be some.
I would think if you KNOW your ppl some would understanding if told upfront “we really wanted you to apart to we are having a party to celebrate with everyone because the limits on the amount of guests.”
But I totally get it! I can see the rude part.

I think this would be pretty rude and is bound to offend some people. 150 guests is not a small wedding by any means--this is a very large crowd! I've definitely heard of people who have 30-person destination weddings invite some guests to engagement parties who are not invited to the actual wedding, but nothing like what you are envisioning. I would rethink your plan

Well, I just got to be honest… If I got invited to an engagement party and didn’t get invited to the wedding, I would kind of be confused as to why I was even invited to the engagement party in the first place. I understand what you’re saying about the cost of the wedding, I’m in sticker shock right now with some of the prices for my decor, but I just think it may cause issues that you really don’t need and you may be questioned a lot from people asking you when the wedding is because they will assume that they’re going to be invited if you’re inviting them to your engagement party which is like the kick off to your wedding. If you choose to do this then you might want to think about the response you will give to people when they ask you when the wedding is. Some people will probably assume that their invitations may have gotten lost in the mail and they will ask you about the wedding. You may want to have a prepared response for that one. How would you feel if someone invited you to an engagement party and then months later you find out that you weren’t invited to their wedding? Wouldn’t you be kind of confused. I hope you don’t take any offense to this as I am only trying to provide you with my honest opinion on the situation. I just think it may cause you more issues than you really need. You’ll be under a lot of pressure with wedding planning and making decisions and I think the last thing anybody needs is the added stress of people asking if they can go to your wedding or why they aren’t invited.

View Quoted Comment Only asking? It’s really pertaining to ppl who would have a plus one.


150 seems small when you writing names lol

View Quoted Comment Yeah definitely. I put questions in forums for advice and opinions. I appreciate it. It was a debate we were having. But yes it makes sense. But also realize. I’ve never even KNOWN a person to have an engagement party and only have been to two weddings and they didn’t seem to be no where near organized or planned out.


So I’m legit asking things I’ve thought about.

You guest can stop beating up on me it was only a question. Lol

Correction: **You guys can stop beating up on me! Lol

I think it’s totally fine, I was planning to have a wedding of 50 and a larger engagement party where extended family and friends would be invited. Everyone was all for it. Do you.

I know people think it's rude, but I think if I had a friend or family member who wasn't going to invite me to their wedding due to a limited guest list, I would still like to be invited to the engagement party (provided they wanted me there.)

View Quoted Comment That’s what our debate was at home. Like there are childhood friends and coworkers that are longer than our list of family members so it was like a way to have them involved. But I still think it’s about “knowing” YOUR ppl. If it was me I would feel a way if I wasn’t included in ANYTHING and I would be understanding due to going through the process.

View Quoted Comment Exactly what we were thinking. Thanks lol

By tradition it's considered rude, but I wouldn't question it if I was at an engagement party but didn't get a wedding invite. It's their wedding and I wouldn't assume I was invited. I didn't even assume we were invited to my cousin's wedding - not a single person is guaranteed an invitation.

I think the longer the time between the two events, the less people will correlate the guest lists in their heads, if that makes sense.

View Quoted Comment Everyone is different on how they take things. But with the gap the engagement party will be October 2020 and the wedding Dec 2021🤷🏾‍♀️. But again it’s all about knowing your own folks. I can only speak on me I wouldn’t care and I would understand. Rude or not if they know up front they know. It’s only a few that will be added and not on the final wed list. But hey we shall see.

View Quoted Comment There is a traditional work around for this, and you see it in older etiquette books. You don't have an engagement party. The hosts have a party, invite anyone they want. And early on announce the engagement of Susie and Paul to the world.
The announcement of an engagement precedes any planning at all that includes others. You may have seen venues, dresses, may have talked here and there. But it is before any wedding party, before any guest list is made. And not formally hosted by the couple. So anyone from coworkers and spouses or girlfriends to neighbors, and family friends, anyone you want to generally party with.
After the announcement, any new parties after the guest list and and choosing of WP, are specifically wedding parties. Only for those invited to the wedding. Unless a shower or party is given by a whole group not invited ( and no invited guests there) like a work shower, sports group, or choir. It is never referred to as an engagement party. Nothing says engagement ( except the gossip grapevine.)You know the reason you want it is to share news of your engagement. But every social event is not all about you and your wedding. And it is socially within good manners to make an announcement to the world in general, once, we have good news. This kind of announcement party held as a regular party is particularly common when talking a wedding 15 months or 5 years down the line, with no as yet specified date and place. You may graduate school, serve in the military or work and have half your friends change before the 9 months to 1 year before wedding planning time. At that time no one can presume there to be any list of those invited . But you are here at a party now, and sharing good news with those who are your friends now.

What do you mean by plus ones? If you mean Significant Others, they should be invited to both events. They're not even technically plus ones; plus one means an unnamed guest you give to a single person. If someone has a partner that partner should be invited by name as they're a social pair.

View Quoted Comment I will not have random ppl at my wedding. And this is especially not a time to want to show off the NEW LITTLE thing they met. Ppl who are MARRIED or LONG TIME partners. Yes definitely but not random ppl in my wedding album or video. Thanks for your opinion but I’m specifically referring to EXTRAS because that’s what they are “just to have a date” that will not happen.

So you're going to judge the importance of someone else's relationship arbitrarily by how long they've been together?

View Quoted Comment Yep. In which I’m allowed because it’s my wedding. There is a list and there is a head count. I will not ex out family members to make a seat for a mistress or someone they just met. It’s not like they are paying for a seat. This is out of my pocket. They can simply not rsvp. Doesn’t make sense. For a $13,000 venue and $15000 worth of plated meals. I am paying for family and friends out of my own pocket. Unlike some I don’t have a rich family or others making this happen. So again, ppl I do not know and are NOT engaged/married/lifelong partner are not the invited. When I look back at my $4000 wedding video or looking at my photo album I will not be questioning who “this” person is. These ppl are more than welcome to “party” but will not be paid for to attend MY wedding. Again it’s all about knowing YOUR people. $40,000 wedding to include 20% of people i don’t even know will not happen. Thanks for your opinion but my stance is my stance. To say I can’t do that is ridiculous. I’m inviting my mom but not inviting my dad. I’m inviting my sister but I’m not inviting her mom. I’m inviting adults and not inviting their kids. SAME thing. That’s what the rsvp is for. Thank can easily decline lol. My people definitely understand the list to wedding. These ppl are PLUS one’s! And not included in our final count.

It's really tough the etiquette is only those invited to the wedding.

But I have been to 2 engagement parties and knew prior I wasn't invited to the wedding.

1 was eloping (out of country) and the other was small 35 people. I understood but still wanted to celebrate the couple. We are friends so i understood.