Who pays for what?

They should pay for their own dress, shoes, and accessories (unless you gift them something). Hair and makeup you cover ONLY if you require it. If it is optional, they can pay themselves if they decide to do it. You cover everything else - like the flowers and car. Also, don’t forget to gift each of them a little something as part of your bridal party. Someone should volunteer to host your bridal shower and your bachelorette party. You could talk with your MOH to see if she wants to take the lead on those, but overall, you should not ask someone to throw parties for you.

The only thing they are obligated to pay for is their attire (dress and shoes).


If you are requiring that they get their hair and makeup professionally done, you have to pay for that. If you’re leaving it as optional for them, you can allow them to pay for it (but since it’s optional they can choose whether they want to pay, or just skip it).

You definitely pay for bouquets, and any jewelry IF you’re requiring they wear certain jewelry (if you’re not requiring any specific jewelry then you don’t have to).

For Bach party and shower, bridesmaids will generally pay for that but they are totally not obligated to, nor are they obligated to even throw one at all!

Oh and for transportation, it depends what you had in mind. Are you having them all arrive in a limo or something? If so, you need to pay for that.


But what I did (since our ceremony and reception were at the same venue) was just tell everyone to arrive on their own, so people just took their own cars and obviously I didn’t have to pay for that.

View Quoted Comment But then how do I tell them the things they pay for, like the day of attire? But and my Bach party is probably gonna a destination vacay..so who pays for that? Everyone divided up?

You are mostly right. Some brides pay for their own hair and make up. If you want it a certain way maybe you can pay. Usually they chip in for the bachelorette.

View Quoted Comment

I would not tell them. Most know that they pay for their dress and shoes. I would send a group text asking to choose a date for dress shopping and maybe throw in what price do they feel comfortable sticking to. Destination you should pay your own ticket and while there they can decide. I will say in my opinion if you plan your destination bachelorette you are required to pay your way but in regards to events let them plan that so they can decide their budget. It is an optional even so really it would be rude to tell them how much to spend and how to spend it. That should be there decision. Everyone attending should equally split accommodations or if something like a cruise pay their own room. Day of attire like robes and what not should be yours. I would first ask them what is their budget for dress and shoes and maybe ask their opinion on hair and make up. Everything else is optional and some will be things you pay so think of your budget too.

What you have listed sounds pretty standard:

- The ladies will pay for their own bridesmaid dresses, if you have a very specific look in mind you can have them buy specific shoes and accessories, otherwise you can give a general guideline (ex: I asked the girls wear a nude color shoe/heel...which everyone already had so no need to go buy another pair of shoes)

- It is a great gesture to pay for the bridesmaids to have hair and makeup professionally done but is not necessarily required. Other options could be: have them all DIY (be realistic when considering their skills lol), paying for one service, or paying a certain % and having them cover the rest

- Transportation can be very situation specific: if you are getting ready in a different location, or the ceremony is in a different location than the reception, some brides choose to get a limo/bus/trolley to transport the wedding party and/or guests. In my case, we got ready at the venue, so the ladies drove themselves or got an uber so they would have transportation home at the end of the evening.

- Shower and Bachelorette are again, where your budget is, the girls budget, and what you want out of it. My mom actually wanted to plan my shower, so aside for money spent to make some snacks and decorations for my moms home, the total for my shower was likely $50, which she covered. For the bachelorette, all bridesmaids agreed beforehand to split costs evenly and I paid for my own plane ticket and part of the Airbnb costs. As brides, these things should be treated as a kind gesture, but not necessarily an expectation (especially when it is someone else's money and not your own)

Hope this helps

I think what you read sounds right.

In my opinion, the only must for bridesmaids to pay is the dress & showing up to the wedding. And the dress should be in their budget (so the bride asks them for budget before finding a dress). I think when brides designate specific shoes, jewelry, accessories, etc. it's unneeded cost for the bridesmaids that no one notices or cares about, and the bridesmaids should just be able to pick what they want to wear with those things. I think hair & makeup can be optional for the bridesmaids to pay as long as the bride lets them pick their own styles. IF the bridesmaids can afford it, then yes they can host the bach & bridal shower. My mom hosted & paid for my entire shower, I didn't think it was fair to put that on the bridesmaids. In our case - we paid for every girl to get their hair & makeup done (they chose whatever they wanted style wise), they picked their own shoes & jewelry, and we gave them proposal gifts, bach favors, and day of gifts. I paid for a lot at the bach party too. We obviously paid for the flowers & transportation.

My bridesmaids' only financial obligation was their dresses, which I priced really low because I already knew one of them had a tight budget, and rather than making that person feel bad, I just said, "It's silly for you all to buy expensive dresses that you'll likely only wear once. Here are some I found for less than $75." I had a list of about 10 dresses that were affordable and stylish.

I purchased the jewelry I wanted them to wear and I also made fur shawls for them because it will be cold. I did NOT want them paying for those things because those were little extras that add up quick, and those were my preferences, not theirs. I also purchased their bouquets.

I am co-throwing the bachelorette party because they wanted to do something crazy over-the-top and I wasn't down with that, so I sort of took half the reigns on planning, but they have offered to pay for everything there so that was very gracious of them, though not required. I've learned through reading these threads, to be cautious of people's budgets. Asking them politely and early is preferred so that you don't have surprises later.

As for hair and makeup, we're all helping each other with hair and makeup the day of, but if I were requiring a professional, who pays for it is of great debate. When my cousin was married, she asked us if we could do our own updos, and for those who couldn't, she had a woman come to do their hair, and it was $20 per person (which was SUPER cheap). She required everyone have pedicures and manicures as well, but I didn't have the money for that so I just did my own for free and that sufficed. Personally I think if a particular hair style is required, it should be paid for by the bride. But if it only costs $20 (not likely) then it's possible maids can pick up the tab. *shrug*?

The shower isn't really the obligation of anyone to throw, but if someone wants to do it it doesn't have to be any of your bridesmaids. It could be a cousin, a coworker, your mom, or your dad, for that matter. Hope that helps!