When to hold a Jack and Jill Fundraiser

I stand where these are tacky and if you can’t afford a wedding, scale back your plans, postpone, or don't have one. Don’t “fundraise” as if you’re a charity.

If you cant afford a big wedding (or honeymoon or other major life event) dont have one. So rude and tactless to ask people for money unless you are a nonprofit organization which you arent.

Please don’t do this. If you can’t afford a big wedding, postpone or have something small. There’s tons of beautiful things you can do with an intimate wedding that won’t break the bank. Have a super small ceremony and then take all your guests out to a nice meal. Asking people to fund your wedding is tacky.

I have never heard of this. Is it a tradition somewhere? To be honest, if I was invited to one I would be pretty offended. A wedding is a gift to your guests as a way to celebrate with them, they are not the funding source.

You guys are right, I didn’t think about how tacky and offensive it could be. My future MIL suggested doing it for a honey moon too but my fiancé said he wouldn’t care if we couldn’t do a honeymoon. I read online that Jack n Jill parties are custom in like, Canada and New England (where I’m from) so I figured it wouldn’t be a big deal but now that I think about it, you guys are right.

In some areas they are still common and socially acceptable. I think you would know if that were the case where you live.

Your FMIL may have come from a place where Jack and Jill's were commonly had. In smaller communities, the whole town sometimes still pitches in with wedding plans. The fundraisers were also great entertainment for people with little options available. Cheap drinks, dancing and games- who wouldn't buy a cheap ticket and attend?

View Quoted Comment That’s kinda what I’m thinking too, like it wouldn’t be just a thing where people stand around in a big room. There’d be games, drinks, maybe even food!

I've only ever heard of a Jack and Jill shower but I would advise against any fundraiser for a wedding! Typically weddings are seen as a luxury and you plan what you can afford.

This sounds rude & offensive. But if this has been a local tradition in your town, can you do some research first to see if it still is acceptable? Even if it’s something your parents or in-laws did that tradition may be way out of cultural practices these days.

Don't do this. You are not a charity, you don't hold a fundraiser to have a party for yourself. Having people pay to come to a party to pay for you to throw yourself another party that you can't afford is awful.

If this is a tradition or something socially accepted in YOUR culture/part of town/etc PLEASE DON’T listen to people telling you it’s tacky and rude. We sometime fails to understand that the same etiquette/rules/protocol/etc IS NOT the same for everyone’s circle. Your FMIL suggested it so I’d say research your area and talk to her more to make sure it’s a common thing. You also know your crowd so If it is a common thing and your guest would be more than happy to participate I’d say do it. I’d suggest maybe a little more than a year before so if you don’t get all that you need you’ll have time to save up the rest...?? Congratulations on your engagement and good luck!

View Quoted Comment It’s pretty common in my area- I still think it’s rude.

I’ve never heard of this before in my life, but if I got invited to one I wouldn’t go or give you money because I feel like it’s a bit tacky to do for your wedding.

View Quoted Comment And that’s your opinion which everyone is entitled too. She has to know her crowd and her area.

Another way to think of it, I’m told, is that it’ll just be a great time for everyone. There will certainly be drinks, and dancing and lots of fun! But the money doesn’t have to necessarily go towards the wedding; it could go towards other things my fiancé and I need or want to save for, like an apartment, car etc (we have neither of those things right now). I think some of my friends would be on board with it and my dad is too!

Wow never heard of this.... i am not against honeymoon funds although id never have one myself.... but id never help pay for someones wedding. Thats insane

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Honestly, for me, personally, this "way of thinking about it" is even worse than when it was a "wedding fundraiser" (which I think is a terrible idea on its own). The majority of people save for their own apartments, cars, etc. -- they don't charge their friends to come to a "party" to raise money for those kinds of expenses. Think about it. If you can't afford those things for yourself, would you think it was a good idea when a friend asked you to give them money to cover their basic living expenses? I think this would be SO awkward. I am a firm believer that only adults should get married, and part of being an adult is paying one's own way (barring a life threatening illness or catastrophic event, etc.) -- not asking friends to cover one's expenses. Maybe your friends and family are all on board, but realize some of them might think like those of us who are telling you this is a bad idea.

View Quoted Comment Wait where do you live then? No apartment or car. You have bigger fish to fry then trying to pay for a wedding.

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Why not use the money you spend to host the fundraiser and put it in a savings to save for your own car or arpartment? If you can afford to throw a big, alcohol-fueled party, you can rent your own apartment.

View Quoted Comment We live in Massachusetts, with my FMIL. My fiancé is still in school so we’re waiting till he finishes his associates I think