What would you do if nothing goes as planned

I got married on Nov 30. It was a garden ceremony followed by dinner reception. We intended to keep it small and only invited family and relatives, around 50 guests in total.



So except for having 4 of our friends as bridemaids and groomsmen, we didn't even let any of our friends or colleages know about our wedding, because we only have at most 60 capacity in the venue. It's hard to decide which friends to invite and which not with such limited seats. So we just keep it very low-profiled so that friends would not be upset about not being inviting, if they don't even know it.
I was the one who did most of the planning and preparation. We didn't hire a wedding planner since I am a professional event manager myself and our wedding is rather small in scope. I had always thought I could handle it, with some help from my bridesmaids. But I didn't expect that my bridesmaids were so out of reach that except for the time I chose, bought and altered their dresses with them, they didn't really help or reply my questions (say when I asked which wedding dresses looked better on me). So I stopped bothering them and only sent them the rundown and met up once to go through it just a month before my wedding.
Two weeks before my wedding, a bunch of around 10 relatives from my husband's side who were supposed to fly here from another countries told us that they're not coming. I was indeed upset, a bit angry to be honest, but when I told my bridesmaids they didn't seem to feel bad for me, or to offer any help or comfort, as if they think it is fair enough for the relatives not to fly all the way here for my wedding. In fact, I didn't really mind people not flying all the way here, I totally understand that. But the problem was they only told us two weeks before our wedding, and I think I have a reason to feel upset and angry.
Anyway, there was nothing I could do about it. Fast forward to the wedding day, though I had been upset about how little my bridesmaids cared about me through the whole planning process, I still hoped they enjoy the day and look pretty, no matter what we have known for over 20 years and I cherish that. I also tried to keep their workload as little as possible since first, I don't want them to feel like they couldn't enjoy themselves if given too many tasks to handle, and second, with their little involvement I couldn't really trust they could do too much for me.
So I was the one who monitored everything, making sure everything was on time, tasks were taken care of etc, even when I was doing my hair and makeup. I was always in a rush and didn't get the time to really check out myself, my dress etc. in the mirror before I had to rush to get ready for marching in.
I tried my best to make sure everybody was ready, except that I was really ready myself, and no one even asked if I was ready before music was suddenly on and I was called to march in... I was in shocked since my flower girl, who is my 1-year-old niece, was not even there. I had asked my bridesmaid to bring her to the entrance to meet me when I was ready. I looked for someone who could help since bridesmaids were out of sight. Photographers didn't know what I wanted and I just kept whispering where is the flower girl? It was then I was told flower girl was too shy to walk down the aisle, and so we had to skip her and went straight to march in of the bride. I didn't mind that my niece couldn't do it since she's only 1 yr old and that I had expected that, but what made me upset was no one even care to inform me about that and just suddenly asked me to march in without knowing whether I was ready. Of course I was not ready because I was waiting for my niece! And the music that was playing was the march in music for the flower girl, not for the bride! THAT WAS NOT MY MARCH IN MUSIC! But there was no way I couls stop it. I was called to walk down the aisle, my father didn't know that something was wrong and started walking, and everyone was waiting for bride... So here comes the bride who was not even ready and not even walking down the aisle with the song she chose that have a special meaning... And actually during the whole time, I really didn't know where the bridemaids were. I have asked them to stand next to me but they were not there. So no one kept my bouquet after I marched it (it was the venue manager took it from me when I had to start exchanging vows). And when I marched out, no surprise, no one gave me back my bouquet.
And one more surprise for me was that as I walked down the aisle, I realized that there were only 20 guests there, so more than half of the 50 seats were empty. We were expecting 25 guests from my husband's side (after deducting the 10 people who were not flying back), but turned out there were only 10 showing up (already included his parents, sister and in-law). It's hard for me to not to feel upset since I have put so much effort on the ceremony, from the flower arch, name board, program fans, to wedding favors, they were all designed and some of which even handmade by me. The fact is I know there are people who would only come to the dinner reception, so I have confirmed on my side the number of guests who would skip the ceremony but only come to the dinner. But my husband's relatives never really rsvp, even though I asked him so many times that he'd better give me a confirmed guest number, he only said that they would not answer and told me to assume all of them would come. And see how it turned out! Although we didn't intend to invite friends, but if we knew it eariler that most of his relatives were not coming to the ceremony, I would have invited some closer friends to come.
Even though the wedding was done 2 weeks ago, I still feel upset when I think about how it didn't go as planned and how little support I've got. I couldn't help thinking my bridemaids (my best friends) are of no help at all. I didn't want to blame them, I think perhaps it's not like they didn't care but there are people who don't like to involve in planning or even follow plans. But when they couldn't perform tasks as easy as making sure the bride has the bouquet, I was honestly angry. And I still cannot forget how many times I have asked my husband to ask his relatives to rsvp but he just said that it was not possible. He didn't understand why I needed the guests number, and then half of the seats were empty - that was why!
I just couldn't really take it easy when I had done so many things on my own, but they couldn't even do the one thing that I asked them to go. I don't want to be so negative and bitter but really, as the bride, how can I not be upset/angry.
I know it's a long post but if I don't vent it here, I am afraid I would vent it on them someday. I feel like my wedding was ruined, but to everybody they don't see a problem.. how do I get over this feeling and keep smiling in front of them?
P.S. I actually don't live in the US so the wedding tradition may be a little bit different. It's common here that the guests, especially relatives of older generations, not attending the ceremony because they only care about dinner.