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Jessica
VIP October 2019

What to prepare for/consider/changes to come during 1st year of marriage?

Jessica, on September 6, 2019 at 6:47 PM Posted in Married Life 0 10
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So, obviously, I know FH and I are not perfect by any means and will have issues. BUT, being that we are both in our 30's and more 'settled' (This is not his 1st marriage but it is mine), Im wondering what 'issues' we might have, especially in the 1st year of marriage.

I've read through tons of articles and things about what makes the 1st year the toughest, but it seems like most/all of the typical issues couples have, we've already got figured out/ dealt with/doesn't apply/etc.

Here's kind a breakdown of our relationship and the 'typical' issues:

1. We've been living together for over 2 yrs. 1st yr was a transition, but pretty smooth sailing now.
2. Money. We both make good money and make jokes about who the current bread winner is, because our pay varies each week, but were always about neck and neck.

3. Bills. Other than rent, car insurance and utilities I have no bills. FH has truck payment, child support, and cell phone. We both buy groceries and toiletries for the house as the need arises. Were leaving to keep our money separate, like it is, and maybe open a joint savings account after the wedding to start saving for our 'next endeavor'. For instance, buying a house and boat are very high on our to do list after the wedding. We have discussed it and decided we will just split the house payment 50/50 once we buy.

4. In Laws- My parents have not been a part of my life for over 6 years. Do, no in law issues on my end. And FH truly has the best parents I could have asked for. They're super supportive without being over bearing and have been incredible and welcoming myself and my son in their lives.

5. The Annoying Things- Feel like we worked through this that 1st yr living together. It drives him crazy I forget to get my hair off the shower drain and I can't stand it that he will not put a new toilet paper roll on the holder.... But we both just do each for the other now. (There were some other things too but this one we argued about most lol)



So help me think of what other problems or difficulties we might encounter our 1st year?
Is there anything I'm missing or not thinking of?

10 Comments

Latest activity by Jessica, on September 8, 2019 at 9:49 PM
  • Jessica
    VIP October 2019
    Jessica ·
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    Actually wasn't done when I esspecially hit post.

    6. Kids- We both have children from prior relationships and have decided if it happens great, if not, great too.

    7. Weight Gain- we already dealt with this as well and both got ourselves 'in check' lol.

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  • C
    Master January 2019
    Cassidy ·
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    We’ve been married almost 8 months.
    I feel like we have become more solidified as a team. More focused on us and making decisions together.
    As far as issues, even though we lived together for most of our relationship, I think making time for each other and spending quality time together has been our biggest issue.
    I started a new job, so household duties. But that’s always been a sore spot for us.
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  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Legend March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride ·
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    Honestly, I think our first year living together was much harder than 1st year of marriage! While we were dating I was without a job and he had a cancer scare so we had already been through some tough times too.

    Routine can be rough in marriage. Now after 2+ years we could work on more spontaneous dates out.
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  • Mrsbdg
    Champion August 2017
    Mrsbdg ·
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    I’m not sure I’ll be super helpful our first two years living together was the hardest part. The first year of marriage didn’t have really any conflict (except with moving across the state and changing jobs).

    We had a minor identity crisis because we like shut out of friends during wedding planning and afterwards kept that up out of habit. We finally broke it after we moved and it was just remembering we have an identity outside of being a couple
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  • L
    Super August 2018
    Lisa ·
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    Does his child live with you guys at all? I’ve found that step parenting is pretty difficult and my husband is the guilty father. I’m also a teacher so when I notice things that need to be addressed, it’s always difficult. She’s been living with us for 4 years and it never gets easier because he is so defensive over her. Other than that, we don’t have money issues; we share similar interests and genuinely want to be with each much of our time!
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  • Jeanie
    Super February 2020
    Jeanie ·
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    I agree that living together is one of the hardest changes. So with that being out of the way, you need to be prepared for the unexpected. You seem to have all your bases covered for the usual first year stuff, but what if one of you is laid off from work or gets sick or injured? What if there’s problems with one of the kids, how will you handle that? Do either of you have expectations of things to change once married? Unfortunately we can’t always predict what will happen, and it’s the uncomfortable conversations that don’t happen that are the ones that really could make a difference. My best advice is to discuss everything you hope will never happen and voice how you would like to deal with those issues. And listen to what each other has to say, don’t just hear what you want to hear. I say this as someone who’s first marriage ended horribly, and these are things I wondered if I had done if it would have made a difference.
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  • Kelly
    Super October 2019
    Kelly ·
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    We aren’t married yet (we are date twins). FH & I have been together for 6 yrs & have lived together for 11 mos. Honestly the first 6 - 7 mos. were rough. I missed the independence that came with my apartment, being mad at each other & not being able to leave was so hard. Plus I had the wrong person as my MOH stressed me out on every level. I don’t know when it changed, but I know that when my previous MOH now BM backed out & I had the conversation w/ my “Chief Bridesmaid” & she became my MOH everything changed. FH & I started getting along better, I became a bit less stressed, my MOH new MOH handled all the “noise”.

    I actually love my FIL, but more so, my FMIL. This morning she told me how much fun she is having planning the wedding with me. They are beyond humble & very nice - treating my parents to dinner to meet them & welcoming me.

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  • Kelly
    Super October 2019
    Kelly ·
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    That’s so different from me. I’ve became closer to some of my friends - and especially my one cousin during wedding planning. But I also became very close to me FH during it - I feel like we are a team.
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  • Jessica
    VIP October 2019
    Jessica ·
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    Thank you! This was very helpful. Im a 'worrier' and hate unpleasant surprises. I haven't thought about some of the things you mentioned, so Ill be sure he and I discuss some of the possible future problems we may face as a couple, like kid issues, laid off, etc. Thanks again!
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  • Jessica
    VIP October 2019
    Jessica ·
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    He has custody of his daughter but he was a firefighter paramedic and worked 24hr shifts with 48 hrs off. On his 'off days' he worked 12 hr shifts with a medical transport company so his daughter stayed with her grandmother and come to his house on the weekends he was off. She still comes a good bit but she's 13 now and does alot with friends and such. Id love for her to come live with us but we don't want to make her. We've just made it very clear if she ever wants to try living with us she is more than welcome and wed love her to be with us. But she has lived with her grandmother for almost 7 years, so that's 'home' to her.
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