What to expect when moving in together?

We had similar discussions before moving in together: finances and roles. Being forward with what you want in this arrangement will go a long way. When we first moved in together, my FH a bit of a slob so a couple reminders to mind himself would bring him back to reality. Five years later he still can't pick up his socks off the floor but at least he's putting away his dishes. It's all about progress haha.

I think you have had all the discussions you can really have. A lot of the transition is learning and adjusting to each other's quirks. There is only so much you will glimpse when spending the night on occasion. The 1st few months are always a learning curve. Just make sure you guys are open with communication during that time.

Spending the night together doesn’t show you much about what it’s like to live with someone day in and day out with nowhere else to go. Just be very patient and try to get through the first six months and you should be ok.

What temperature to keep the house at! At night, in the day, winter vs summer. Which way does the toilet paper roll go, squeeze the tooth paste from the middle or the ends.
How do dishes go in the dishwasher, do they go right in the dishwasher or in the sink first?
How often do you actually clean the bathroom and kitchen?
If one of you cooks do they also do the cleaning up after? How do you tell each other when something needs to be cleaned?
Can you eat outside the kitchen and dining areas?
A lot what surprised me about living together was the details, especially that fiance eats in the office and I think that's disgusting.

View Quoted Comment Lol omg thank you girl !! I love these details !! Gives me some perspective

And being honest about bedtimes. My fiance is a night owl and my job requires early morning so I was miserable when he moved in and banged pots and pans all night!
My mother said to ask which appliances you could live without, dishwasher or washing machine, if you had to pick and it'll tell you a lot about your spouse! Sounds crazy but I have heard all sorts of answers to that question.
If you have or want pets you should agree who feeds when and does what. Thankfully my cat needed to gain a few pounds because the first few months we were over feeding him.

We had some discussions before we moved in together. I have intellectual disabilities and he does not. I receive government benefits and he is fully self supported. My parents were paying my rent and he is financially independent. He requested a meeting with my parents first because he had some questions and wanted to make sure that we were all on the same page. My parents love him and trust him with me and my mom even packed up my apartment for me. (I was experiencing a lot of emotional distress at the time between having to quit a job and moving and couldn't do it myself. My executive functioning skills are that bad.) So yes, we had some of those conversations.

I feel like you can only talk about so much. I thought my fiancé and I had very similar living styles but there was still an adjustment time when we moved in. For example, When I would stay the night, of course we’d spend all the time together. When we moved in together, turns out he needed a few hours to himself every night. It was just something to get used to. I also think sometimes it’s overhyped. As in it’s this “huge deal” but it really wasn’t (as far as potential issues. Of course it’s a huge deal excitement-wise!) so don’t worry. It will all work itself out - just remember to be patient and don’t be afraid to commute a lot in the beginning! It’s the only way you’ll find your groove.

What time does his alarm go off and does he insist on snoozing a dozen times before actually getting up?
Working around each other if you're getting ready at the same time. Ours has become almost a little dance we do but it works.
As an above poster said...temp of the house.
Normal "chores" you've been doing alone can now be split. Who is doing what?
You have covered a lot of the main stuff. My FH and I lived the same way for years before he finally moved in, just in time for me to deploy and we had to learn all over again when I got home. You will he just fine as long as you keep the communication lines open.

A hard adjustment for us was spending time together. For the first 15 or so months of our relationship, we were long distance. Whenever he would come visit, I would be glued to his hip. I was comfortable spending time apart, or at least not sitting as close on the couch, and to him it felt like I wasn't happy to see him anymore. So I think the way that you spend time together can change as well.

Spending the night on occasion is a great way to get a glimpse at living together, but more things will surface when you live morning to night everyday. My fiancé and I have lived together for most of our relationship (basically he stayed over so often when we were in college that my roommate said he either cleans or come over less often ) It has been a learning process and we moved several times and across the country. Each time we have to relearn how we want to organize our home. Things we have had to discuss/almost had an argument about include the following:

-Who cleans up after dinner? Do the good knives go in the dishwasher? How long are things allowed to be left out before it needs to be put away? Why it's annoying to hang clothes off the side of the hamper? How much clutter is too much? How to handle alone time? How much phone time is too much? How many locks/which locks to lock on the front door (we have a security door and a regular front door which has 4 locks total)? How clean is clean? How to sort laundry (like my fiancé tried to wash dry clean only pants)? and many more!

It sounds like you guys are on the right track with open communication and asking those tough questions early on. Continue to be flexible throughout the process and you should be great. Never be afraid to talk about things that bother you because it's always the little things can can build up and turn into big things. Good luck!

One thing I did before I moved in with him was spend a few weeks "living" with him. I stayed with him for two or three consecutive weeks to try it out and prove that I was ready to live with him. This was more than just a spending the night with him kind of visit. There's only so much you can learn about living styles with those. Give this a try.

Oh wow! This is a big topic. The way I see it, it’s not really one of those things you can make a list about. It’s just a natural flow. Plus my FH and I are two totally different people than you and your FH. You’re going to find out so much more living together. Because, spending the night, discussing your finances and having the same cleaning style isn’t even the tip of the iceberg.

I know it’s not for everyone. But I am extremely thankful that FH and I moved together a year ago. We spent a lot of time in each other’s separate houses before. But it’s nothing like living together 24/7. I can think of a number of kinks that we had to work out. We lived together 6 months before we got engaged and by the time we get married we will have lived together nearly 2.5 years. For me, I’m glad there are topics that we aren’t working out for the first time as newlyweds.

I think that for me it really worked out living together before we got married. We established a flow for ourselves and I would do it again if I had to.

I'm in week one of owning a home together with my fiance. I love him. And I'm excited to have both of us moved into our new place. But we are working out a lot of kinks.
We're on the same page about most things. But we have been driving each other nuts this week. Lol.
We've had tons of conversations about this, but neither of us were prepared. Lol.
Working on your "this is important, but is it important enough to start an argument" reasoning us super important.

It's been my experience that you never truly know someone until you live with them. Really the only serious thing we ended up having to discuss post-wedding was his spending habits and trading in his car frequently.

There will likely be several small, stupid things like the thermostat, whether one of you hogs the bed/cover, snores, etc. Some of the things my husband does that drives me bonkers but doesn't amount to anything in the long run: squeezes toothpaste from the middle, forgets to put the toilet seat down (I'm petite so I can fall in, literally), gets in the shower at the end of the tub where the shower head is so water gets on the floor, mixes up the recycling.

That being said, there were a lot of pleasant surprises too. He actually LIKES doing laundry. Now if he'd just fold pants correctly. He will do any household chore except dusting. He can't stand dirty dishes in the sink. That goes a long way to helping me!

You take the good with the bad and just work on the bad.

It sounds like you've had all the discussion you can until you actually move in together. It's good that you've talked about this. However, talking and doing is completely different. No matter what was said and agreed upon before you move in together will be completely different once you do. Just meaning that, you don't know yet what to expect until it's actually happening.

One thing for me was "Quirks". Those little things you don't know until you live together. Things your other half might only do when he's alone, or he may do because it's normal to him, but to you might be completely "OMG". ha! Over time you get used to them, once you realize it really doesn't bother you or you just don't care anymore OR you love him so it's like whatever you'll deal.

The biggest thing to me anyways...is finances. One your moved in, and living together, get those finances in order as soon as possible. Even if one person handles the budget, both should always be in the loop.

Good luck!

My advice to "new movers" is make sure your place has 2 toilets. That's like 75% of our arguments in this apartment, and a big reason or new place has 3 - people get real tense when they gotta go!