I found out a couple of days ago that our wedding was not legal due to a comedy of errors regarding his divorce finalization date. He’s been in court for 5 years with this divorce- we moved in together after he was separated for 2 years, and it’s been hell. Basically it was final in Jan and judge signed off on it as terminated in January. This is the day it still shows online as the judgment date. We set the date and got the license. Then his ex (who actively hates me although she refuses to meet me or speak to me) submitted a notice of errata on the date to change it to March 31, (the date it was agreed he would drop her health insurance) once she found out about the wedding, he didn’t read the paperwork or follow up, and it was signed by judge to change it to 3/31. When we went to get our license, the paperwork had 3/31 on it and it was marked through with 1/18. I freaked out but clerk looked at the termination date online in January and everything looked ok. He hadn’t even gotten his copy of the decree from the court until the day we got our license! So it was final less than than 2 weeks after our wedding and the day after we returned our honeymoon. It was bothering me that he hadn’t seen the paperwork and I asked him to follow up. On our one month anniversary he did and realized all this. He feels terrible about it. His lawyer said that 3/31 was mentioned several times as the date it was final but he thought it was 1/1 when the support and alimony changed and didn’t catch that. He’s a smart guy.
So we have to go get another license and do it again, I’m halfway through a name change with invalid paperwork, sitting in an office that’s decorated with “just married” stuff all over it, and trying not to let all this ruin the best day of my life. I’ll get there.
Through the whole divorce process, he dropped the ball a lot. Other than this issue, he is the perfect partner and I’m happier than I have ever been. I told him I needed space to process this and haven’t talked to him on the phone or in person for 2 days. At first I felt nothing, now I’m angry and sad. I took my rings off.
I just can’t believe I had everyone witness a wedding when he was legally married to someone else. It can carry a fine of 10k and a year in jail. His lack of follow through made me break the law. It’s been hard enough being with a man who is legally married this long and I’m really hoping I can move past this and have it not rear it’s ugly head through our whole marriage. Our wedding pics are beautiful. I don’t want to see them. It makes me sick.
To fix this- he’s already talked to our officiant who said we got married already, this is just paperwork and she will marry us again Tues or Wed during the day. He called the clerks office and they said no problem, get another license and do it again. This will mean calling in to my job because I can’t give proper notice, having a day unpaid (used all my pto for wedding and honeymoon) and losing my attendance bonus. I’m mad about that too.
I would like to see it as a legal hiccup, we get to do this twice, celebrate the original anniversary and not have this tarnish our wedding and honeymoon. I’m also having some trust issues and debating whether I need to read all the divorce stuff now. I’ve mostly stayed out of that. I want to move on and trust him. I just am not sure how to get there. Advice?
