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J
Savvy March 2024

Wedding shower problems

Jamie, on July 16, 2023 at 2:34 PM Posted in Parties and Events 0 12
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I am so stressed and do not know what to do. My mom and future MIL are trying to plan a wedding shower (we want to celebrate as a couple). However my fiancés family is in different states which would require them to travel. My mom wants it to be in person and says my fiancés family SHOULD be traveling for this. My MIL says she wants it virtual as well for the people who can’t travel, she would also be attending virtually. We as the couple would prefer in person because it feels disrespectful and weird to have it virtual, very gift grabby. My MIL is still pushing for virtual. She said that travel is expensive and they will be traveling 3 months after the shower for the wedding. Now my mom is getting uspet and I’m worried this is going to cause drama. I do not know what to do at this point

12 Comments

Latest activity by Jada, on July 30, 2023 at 8:48 AM
  • Michelle
    Champion December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    It is pretty common to have multiple showers especially when one group is not local to another. Is there a reason why mother in law is opposed to a shower in her area? Virtual doesn’t work for everyone. Then mom can plan the one she hosts her way so everyone is happy.
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  • Cece
    Master October 2023
    Cece ·
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    If you don’t feel comfortable with the virtual option, just be honest with FMIL. Tell her you don’t think that option is going to work, but you also understand most people will not be able to travel for it, and that you and FH are completely OK with people declining. As PP mentioned, FMIL is welcomed to host her own shower, if she would like one in person for FH’s side of the family.
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  • J
    Savvy March 2024
    Jamie ·
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    My mother is making it a bit hard because she said “nobody celebrated you guys once you got married and people should make it a point to come”
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  • H
    Master July 2019
    Hannah ·
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    Showers typically do not include out of town guests for the reason you mentioned, that it is expensive to travel for a shower. If your FMIL wants her family included, as other posters mentioned, having a 2nd shower in his hometown is an option. I would not do a virtual shower. They became a thing during the height of the pandemic due to the circumstances but they aren’t appropriate and honestly very dull (you’re literally just sitting in your own home watching someone open presents on the computer), and many people can interpret it as a gift grab.
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  • J
    Savvy March 2024
    Jamie ·
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    His family is scattered everywhere. Florida, Wisconsin, that’s why it’s an issue
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  • J
    Savvy March 2024
    Jamie ·
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    Everyone in his family is scattered everywhere so it would still be hard to do it by her
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  • H
    Master July 2019
    Hannah ·
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    Who is everyone? The shower guest list is usually immediate family and close friends who are local, not the whole extended family. Whoever is close and lives in the area FMIL lives in would be the guest list. The other folks will just celebrate the couple at the wedding.
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  • R
    Rosebud ·
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    I would just have one in person shower. Send the invites even to out of towner's and let them decide what they'd like to do. If someone really wants to go they often will. You can make it known that you understand it may be tough to travel but u wanted to send an invite and completely understand if they cannot make it. Having a virtual and in person component would be complicated. Best of luck to you
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  • C
    CM ·
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    Your family should not be pressuring FI’s to attend and FI’s parents should not be asking for a virtual event for extended friends and family for the exact reasons you state. I’d tell them you aren’t comfortable with that.
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  • Keri
    Keri ·
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    Unpopular opinion... Don't have a shower. My family lives far away in one state and my fiances family lives far away in a different state. Since everyone will travel for the wedding, we did not even entertain the idea of a wedding shower.
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  • C
    CM ·
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    With three months to go, all this drama, and the families at a distance, I’d also cancel. Plus, I am of the traditional view that family members don’t properly host a shower. If one or more local showers are not being offered for whatever reason, I’d just skip it.

    Keep in mind that showers are totally optional. Also, people don’t need to be invited to a shower in order to know how to send an engagement or a larger wedding gift. I always have a total budget in mind and divide what I spend between the wedding and shower, if any.
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  • Jada
    Dedicated September 2024
    Jada ·
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    If they want to be included they have to understand they would have to come down if that’s not possible tell them they will get to see lots of pictures and videos to enjoy and maybe do a quick virtual meeting with everyone before the in town guests arrive so they can still be apart but if you don’t want no virtual at all don’t let them mess up your mood for YOUR wedding do it however you want and they will have to get over it they are still coming to the wedding and being involved.
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