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OldSchoolKindaLove
Devoted September 2018

Wedding Regrets?

OldSchoolKindaLove, on January 31, 2019 at 11:27 AM Posted in Married Life 1 27
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So, here it is almost 4 months after my wedding and I regret everything about my wedding except the groom ( my now husband) of course. I regret every little detail from the venue, all the way down to the way I wore my hair. I especially regret having my uncle take my wedding photos and my choice of videographer. I do not have a single wedding photo after 4 months of being married and neither one will communicate with me. Did / Does anyone else have this issue?


Honestly, when my friends and family comment about how great my wedding was I simply reply with, " Yea, I can honestly say that was the worst day of my life because I was rushed, unable to relax, and ultimately unable to enjoy any single part of my own wedding day." I mean what do they want me to do lie?

27 Comments

Latest activity by OldSchoolKindaLove, on March 9, 2021 at 3:34 PM
  • JustKidding
    VIP April 2018
    JustKidding ·
    • Flag

    What reasoning do you have for these feelings? Was it really a bad day or are you just having post wedding blues? Is something going on in life causing you to have bad feelings towards your wedding day?

    Not to rub salt in the wound, but this is why most people do not recommend ever having family work on your wedding day. I hope this can serve as a warning to other brides.

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  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah ·
    • Flag
    This probably isn’t going to be what you want to hear, but I think you need to focus on the fact that you married your husband and forget about the things that didn’t go right. You say it was the worst day of your life, but you got married that day. If you don’t regret your choice of groom, the fact that you promised forever to each other in front of everyone should be enough for that to not be the worst day of your life.
    • Reply
  • OldSchoolKindaLove
    Devoted September 2018
    OldSchoolKindaLove ·
    • Flag

    I have had these feelings starting the day after my wedding and they honestly haven't changed. My best advice is not have any of your family involved in any of the wedding day set up nor planning. Hire a professional planner and don't DIY.

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  • SB
    VIP March 2019
    SB ·
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    Totally agree with this. A lot of people get wrapped up in the fact of throwing a huge party, but that isn't the point of a wedding. Marrying your person is. Instead of being sad some things didn't go as you had hoped, pull the positives from that day. You got to marry your best friend, you were surrounded by friends and family who loved celebrating you two and now they comment about how great your wedding was. Nothing is ever 100% perfect in life, but in the end, that day was 100% worth it!

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  • Danielle
    Master June 2019
    Danielle ·
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    I literally have wedding brain 24/7 and cannot turn it off. I spend all day researching wedding stuff. I don't think I will have regret like you are, but I am worried I won't know what to do with myself. I had postpartum with both my babies, so I suspect I will get a case of the "wedding blues." It can be a sad thing. Months of preparation for one day that goes by super fast. Sorry you are having regrets, but maybe try to focus on what went right vs what went wrong. You can't change anything, so you will only make yourself miserable concentrating on the bad.

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  • MrsV1027
    Master October 2018
    MrsV1027 ·
    • Flag

    I'm so sorry you feel this way. Surely there had to be good moments in your day. Think about how your groom looked and how the result is you being married to him. I can't really say I have any idea what you are going through since I would not change a single thing about my day except for wearing the bra that was super uncomfortable but I am sad to hear that you hated your day so much.

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  • MrsV1027
    Master October 2018
    MrsV1027 ·
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    I barely had anything to plan since we did an all inclusive DW and I definitely got some wedding blues afterwards from missing the anticipation of the big day and just missing the day in general. it was the best day and right now I have nothing in my life that I'm waiting for or planning for to get excited about.

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  • OldSchoolKindaLove
    Devoted September 2018
    OldSchoolKindaLove ·
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    Thanks Ladies. Glad to know at least some people had a good wedding day.

    • Reply
  • LB
    Champion November 2016
    LB ·
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    I think this is really good advice. Hopefully it'll help other brides from having the feelings you are. Smiley heart

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  • Nisa
    Super March 2019
    Nisa ·
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    I'm really sorry you're experiencing this... It's unfortunate that you don't have your wedding photos, and how do you even begin to get those from someone that's a family member? I'm pretty aggressive when it comes to bad service but when that person is a family member it changes everything.

    I have a lot of DIYs in my wedding so I'm a little nervous now haha. But I do have a DOC so hopefully it's okay.

    I hope that things look up for you. Smiley heart

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  • C
    Devoted June 2019
    C R ·
    • Flag
    Do yourself a favor - don't ever let your husband hear you say "honestly, it was the worst day of my life," because no matter what comes after that comma, that's all he hears.....is that it was the worst day of your life.
    Wow. Please get some perspective.....if the fact that didn't like your hair and haven't seen your (probably free) pictures yet are your biggest problems in life, you are doing better than the vast majority of the population. Try to find something worthwhile to angry about if you must be angry. And I highly recommend happiness and gratitude when that wears thin - those reasons are much easier to find.
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  • P
    Devoted October 2018
    persimonefink ·
    • Flag

    I'm sorry you had such a bad wedding day experience. Personally, I regret not getting a hotel room to get ready in with bridesmaids; I also regret having the limo pick me up at my parents house with all the family there; and I regret having all the family pics done at the same time as first look/bridal party pics. These were small things that could have lessened the stress of the day by a lot. Had I gotten ready in a hotel room with the bridesmaids there probably would have been less stress about where my dress and veil and all these other things were. Had I left from the hotel instead of with all the family around at my parents house, I wouldn't have been stressed about people not getting to the photography site on time. Had there been no family at the first look site my husband and I would have been able to enjoy the pictures instead having his mother screaming about how she had to have individual pictures with everyone present. All these stressors were really obvious to the people who know us and the pictures show some of the discomfort. Photographer actually said how the atmosphere changed when the family left. Be all end all, it was an amazing day and I'm really glad we did it. Oh, final regret, my husband hand wrote his vows and had no saved back up anywhere so they were lost in the shuffle in the days after and we have no record of what he said.

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  • Brittany
    Dedicated February 2020
    Brittany ·
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    This!!! Think of how blessed you are that the worst day of your life is your wedding day because you didn’t like your hair!!! It stinks you don’t have photographs yet, but my gosh, you married the love of your life and your guests obviously had a great time if they’re commenting to you about it. Was the day you married the love of your life TRULY the worst day of your life? You haven’t lost a loved one to death? You haven’t fought with someone and lost a friendship or family member from the right? You haven’t been fired or laid off from a job? You haven’t failed a class? Sheesh, if not, realize you’ve led a charmed life. If you have, try and gain some perspective. I hope you get your photos soon to think of the great parts of the day.
    • Reply
  • Tammy
    Super October 2018
    Tammy ·
    • Flag
    Yes Lie.

    I'm not joking. Aside from marrying your husband it was the worst? I can’t imagine how your husband feels about that? I knew going into it how things were set up there would be the possibility of being rushed, but I feel like we should know that? A lot is shoved into 1 day... and it’s a lot and overwhelming but at the end of the day you married your best friend.
    Sometime photos take longer to get back then others and I’m sorry they are not responding to you, but once you see them maybe you’ll see the fun you actually had? If you don’t get them then I say hire a photographer and take new ones! Do something different with your hair and your make up and enjoy dressing up again!!!

    I’m sorry it was the ‘worst day’ but I agree with PP if the worst day of your life ended with marrying your best friend you are pretty lucky.
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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
    • Flag
    You say you felt rushed, and I have been in a few bridal parties, and involved with a couple of sibling and cousin weddings where they said that. Each had over scheduled the night before, and wedding day. So the pressure cooker feeling ( as SIL called it) of always being surrounded, and going through all the things they thought they wanted, really got them worked up. Between hired coordinators and family or BP trying to keep things on schedule, they felt " compressed, packaged, and moved on" a close friend said. Mostly, complaints seemed to be : They had rehearsal dinners the night before, instead of a week or 2 earlier, in order to include one or two far off people, but should have done as most people used to, and simply not included them in anything but the wedding , and done a separate thank you lunch or dinner with them. With fewer local weddings, and more long distance travelers, this night before wedding, rehearsal dinner is a relatively new thing, and crowded out me time to decompress, and down time with groom. Since at RD you do not have much to do with him, always the group. Also, they all regretted getting ready with most or all of their bridal party and moms. That kept them tightly scheduled from 8-9 am, to 2-5 pm. After an hour or so, they wanted everyone to go away, take care of themselves. But all using same HMUA, planned photos of getting ready , and too many people too close together, with lunch ir breakfast and lunch in groups, made them wish they saw no one all day but maybe their own mom, or sister, or 1 friend. And just 1-1½ hours for just them, doing makeup, hair. Which would have freed them up to spend 5-6 hours on their own, with 1:1 visits from mom, or dad, or grandma, or a BM. But nothing group . No holding your temper with all people getting on your or each others nerves. A couple regretted ever inviting FMIL in for getting ready, especially if. FMIL just happened to have invited her sisters or a friend to drop in for a while. My sister did the whole TV or movie, 9-4 group getting ready thing, and says the day was like an anxiety dream you get before a big interview or test, ir before school starts, always in a group that is talking at you so you cannot think, always pushed, you will be late... Some best plans that they made for themselves, schedule and group things, in the end left them totally frazzled by the wedding, so the ceremony and reception were done over tired, a blur they kept wishing would be over. . . You did not say many particular things that sounded so awful. But much of the distress of wedding planning occurred in the first 2 weeks, for me. Til I said, most of what is on timelines, and things you are told you must do, is totally unnecessary stuff that no one notices or thinks about for 2 seconds, or remembers. Stuff you are working on for hours, days, looking online, researching or in stores. When I just stopped, the rest of planning was great. I followed the advice of my godmother and mom and oldest sister (by 7 yrs.): Leave yourself time to daydream, and be alone, which you usually do. Do not fill it with activities , planning. And spend just-you-two time with FI. I dropped the unnecessary. We planned and married in a 5 month engagement. And 4 months was relaxed, with 2 weeks several times of no planning. Everybody got ready in their own space, and time. I had no part of arranging their grooming. And had a very relaxed day, including a nap, before show time at 7pm. Ran out of steam, and we went off to bed at 3am. I do not always listen to family advice. This time, I did. I wonder how much less stress people would have if there was not all this performance anxiety, doing and having all kinds of unnecessary things, any 1 of which is okay, but 60 expectations together that can fill your life if you let them, chasing or imitating a media or movie fantasy, really can ruin the experience , not enhance it. In my opinion.
    • Reply
  • OldSchoolKindaLove
    Devoted September 2018
    OldSchoolKindaLove ·
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    There's a long list of regrets, starting actually 3 months prior to our wedding. I should have postponed like I wanted to if I am being honest, but everyone pressured me into going through with it and said it would be fine. My best advice, is if you want to postpone do it. Forget what everyone else says and talk it through in very precise details with your fiance. My now husband actually didn't realize just how much we still had to do 3 months prior and when I expressed my concerns he thought I was simply overreacting. The day before our wedding he realized that I was right and we should have postponed our wedding date.

    I regret allowing my grandma to see me prior to the wedding because I just wanted a couple glasses of wine to kill the nerves, but she's an alcohol Nazi and literally told me I couldn't be drunk for the ceremony. Granted this was 1 pm and the wedding wasn't supposed to start until 5pm, needless to say I was trapped in the bridal suite and was able to have 2 glasses because one of my BM's was nice enough to let me have hers.

    I regret not finishing decorating the wedding venue the night before the wedding because on my wedding day I was shoved into a Bridal Suite and forced to stay in there when I knew there was more I needed to complete and get done before getting ready. I sat around doing absolutely nothing while my BM's got their hair and makeup done, and I feel like so much time was wasted.

    Ultimately, at the end of the day I wish I had postponed like I had wanted to or figured it out sooner and eloped on the beach. I also wish I wouldn't have used so many family members for wedding vendors, such as photography, hair, make-up, etc. I should have hired professionals instead.

    I just hope I can save another girl from making these same mistakes I made ultimately and perhaps she can have a more memorable/enjoyable wedding day.


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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
    • Flag
    I wish you would copy this and put it in etiquette and Advice section, which brides to be look at very early on. Or ask the moderators or Tech to move this post. Hard to know what you want , but feel locked in. I'm sorry. Now there are new, I hope happier things to focus on.
    • Reply
  • HayMrsO
    Master October 2018
    HayMrsO ·
    • Flag

    I am really sad to hear that you have such negative feelings about your day. I can understand where you are coming from, because I felt that way for my first wedding. Basically, it was for my parents. They paid, they made it what they wanted and we were just a fill in. It was not fun and at 9pm on our wedding night, I was wanting to go home. I was exhausted and over it.

    Weddings, just like most things in life, are a live and learn kind of a thing. No one really goes into marriage expecting to divorce, so I guess that is where sites like this come in, to help first time brides navigate through the planning. I only hope that the "been there, done that" advice given by so many lovely people is taken to heart. This wedding, for us, was exactly what we wanted. Perfect location, small circle of people. A day of love. Were there things that weren't exactly what I had in my head? Of course. Flowers weren't quite right. Linens were wrong color. Chairs were beat up. Cake lady took a little too much creative freedom vs what I showed her we wanted. It's February and we still don't have our video. None of that matters. Nothing is going to rob me of the joy that I feel for marrying my forever that day.

    It can't change things for your day, I get it. I hope you can move past your anger and frustration at some point. Take solace in the fact that someone out there may be reading this and hopefully can learn something. And remember why you were there in the first place. Let the negativity go. It will eat you up inside.

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  • OldSchoolKindaLove
    Devoted September 2018
    OldSchoolKindaLove ·
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    Update...I did see our wedding photos and they are terrible. I am so angry and hurt to find out that my uncle decided to help himself to the booze prior to the ceremony. We only have 2 pictures of us, the bride and groom, and they are very far away and out of focus. Any suggestions on what to do?

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  • C
    Devoted June 2019
    C R ·
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    Well.....I don't mean to sound unsympathetic, and that certainly is a bummer, but, what's done is done and I'm not sure there's much you CAN do, except for 1) check with your friends to see who captured some pics with their phones...certainly some of them did; or 2) get back into those wedding outfits and get some professional shots done, after the fact.

    Beyond that, all I can suggest is to focus on the positive, like the fact someone loves you enough to have committed his entire life to you.....that's pretty huge and in the end it's what you do with that that counts, not how well it was memorialized for one day. I know.....I get it, but find some other way....take a fun anniversary picture every year, make a point of dancing to your song every month, whatever..... A few years from now, those pictures that "could've been" are not going to seem nearly as important as they do today. Try not to let it consume you to the point where are not seeing all the good stuff.
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