Wedding Registry Etiquette

I find it off-putting honestly, and I typically just give a check and give much less to people who have one. I know everyone feels differently. Something rubs me the wrong way about an ask for money for a nice vacation. I would rather help a couple start their lives. I also had a friend who had been living with their SO for years and didn't need anything at all--totally understand and happy to give a check with an amount to congratulate. When I go to weddings where the couple is just starting out and doesn't even have home basics, I give a lot more.

It depends on who you ask. I’m not a fan of them, but it’s not my wedding. As a guest, I’m not paying a third party to give you money that I would be gifting to you anyway. I also think it’s really deceiving to think I’m paying for you to swim with dolphins or jump off of a waterfall or whatever when really I’m just depositing money into your account that you can use for whatever you want.

I agree with the PP. I'm not a fan of HoneyFund or any of the online 'honeymoon registries'. I know how to give a gift, and I know to give cash/a check. Sure, the money I give you may go to your honeymoon, but directly asking for cash is a little rude to me.

There are tons of posters on here the will say the opposite and that it's totally okay because so many people start their lives together before marriage nowadays.

If you'd rather be gifted cash instead of stuff make a small registry of stuff you'd love to have upgraded in your house. Nice sheets or towels. A weighted blanket, nicer silverware or plates. Little things that can go a long way. If I don't see anything on your registry I want to get, I'll give you cash. But if I see the honeyfund, personally I'm going to roll my eyes and start expecting to see a cash bar at the wedding. They go hand in hand to me.

You're going to get a wide range of answers depending on your guest. Older generations tend to be very put off by them. My mom was also horrified the first time she saw one. Younger generations won't think twice about it. Short answer is some guests won't care, some will find it inappropriate. My own opinion is that people have been gifting checks and cash for years; I'm not sure why all of a sudden people think that guests need a technology tool to gift money (and ultimately you receive less because of unnecessary fees).

I agree with PP that it is distasteful. Etiquette has not changed since your mother or grandmother got married to allow for asking for money, whether that is for the honeymoon, in general, for guests to cover their bar tab, etc. If they normally do give cash gifts, they will give you funds directly. Not all social circles give cash gifts and you will get registry items (household stuff) whether you register or not from those who do not gift cash. Don't be surprised if most guests completely ignore the honeymoon fund as it is rude no matter how it's presented.

Many people on WW and in the current generation do not feel etiquette applies anymore in any situation, pandemic or not, and do what they can to bypass it saying no one will notice or care if they do what they choose instead. Etiquette applies to everyone as a way to navigate social situations, not "I don't like it or agree so I won't take part"

I don't think it's rude. But it really depends on your crowd.
I wouldn't expect a registry item and a contribution to the honeymoon fund though.

This seems to be know your crowd sort of thing. I find them off putting. If someone wants to gift you cash, they will. It seems money grabby to me, personally.

I am a millennial and I am not really a fan of them, but I also do not really get offended by them perhaps because I see them so often.


In my experience growing up you give a boxed gift at the shower and a cash gift at the wedding. I've kind of gotten the impression this is a regional thing (Northeast US) but that's what I'm used to so that's what makes sense to me. So if you don't have a registry to me people will get the message and give you a check at the wedding...but maybe people won't get that message...?
I think my biggest complaint about the honeymoon fund trend is that (often) people put down traditional registries in the process. Ew, who would want another boring toaster, money is better spent on experiences etc. We have a traditional registry that I worked very hard on and YES I do actually want that china on it, tyvm.

You will get a lot of mixed opinions on this, but I see no problem with a honeymoon fund if you also have physical gifts on your registry.

I feel like whatever is easiest for the couple is what matters! Personally our honeymoon is being gifted to us but we have been living together for over a year and pretty much have everything we need so I put it on my website in a cute little rhyme that we have everything we need and if they want to gift us money to start our life together to buy a house and all that and I also put if they wanted to surprise us with an actual gift they are more than welcome to! I don't see the point in registering for stuff you already have, ESPECIALLY if you don't have the room for it! People have to understand that it's more common now to move in with someone BEFORE marriage or even an engagement and you won't need a bunch of house stuff! You do what YOU want and what you guys really need!

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I completely agree with you the physical registry. There is no need to trash talk the idea if that is what a couple chooses to do. In many circles it is expected for there to be one. People need to let it go and keep those opinions to themselves.

I personally don't see a problem with a honeymoon fund! We had one and we registered for various 'activities' to do on our honeymoon such as snorkeling, drinks on the beach, a wine tour, etc. but we legitimately did end up doing all of these activities on our honeymoon. We also had a fairly sizeable traditional registry though. The younger guests tended to go for our honeymoon registry and the older guests tended to purchase physical gifts from our traditional registry, or just give us a check.

These days, I think including a honeyfund option on your registry is perfectly normal! The only thing I'd make sure of is that you also include plenty of physical items on your registry as well.

View Quoted Comment Totally agree with this! Having both is a nice way to give the traditional crowd a few options to give a physical gift and other people to provide a monetary gift.


I would also add that if you have a honey fund, be very specific about what the money is going toward whether it’s a specific experience at your honeymoon, flights to your honeymoon destination, etc. so people know what they’re contributing to. To me, honeyfunds are no different than any other gift that you’ll receive from a guest that’s on your registry: you’re asking for something that you’d like/want and your guests may or may not gift it to you in celebration of your wedding!

99.99% of the time I give a check. So I would not contribute to the that, I’d just write the check.
I usually only give gifts for someone at work, after I’ve asked them for a registry or ideas. I’d feel weird giving money to a colleague for some reason.

I don't think a honeymoon fund is rude at all, but it definitely is a "know your crowd" thing. Some people in our social circle would prefer to give a physical gift, some prefer to just give a gift card or cash and be done with it, and others prefer to gift an experience specifically. And then there are people like my dad.... He subscribes to the idea that you should only get someone something that they have specifically requested (either a physical registry item or by depositing money directly into a fund for something specific, honeymoon included) and that getting them something not on the registry - including a gift card or just plain cash - is incredibly rude. He thinks that because the person didn't ask for it they specifically DO NOT WANT it. I absolutely cannot comprehend his logic on this, but he's also not the only person invited to our wedding who feels that way. So we've added a honeymoon/house fund as a way to essentially let those people know that cash gifts are okay too and they don't need to scour the registry for something they specifically want to give us and is within the price range they'd like to give or if their general preference is to give money.

View Quoted Comment I agree with your dad LOL. The point of a registry is telling your guests exactly what you would like to receive. I would absolutely prefer people to follow that and not guess at what I want or like.


As for OP's original question, it's definitely a know your crowd thing. I wouldn't want an overall honeyfund, because I don't think it's polite to ask guests to fund your vacation. But I do think it's nice when people have specific honeymoon activities on there. If a couple would rather be gifted with an experience rather than material items, I'm all for that.

View Quoted Comment This is where I usually land! I don’t mind them, but I’m more likely to give a check anyway because I would rather people not have to pay fees to get their gifts! Last time I did this, we knew they were saving for the honeymoon (was the only registry item), so we gave a check & wrote something about the honeymoon in the card.

View Quoted Comment I agree except on the money—I feel like straight cash is always welcome haha. But I’ve known people who are the opposite—give a physical gift but refuse to go by the registry. Which...one one hand is thoughtful, but on another hand is almost rude xD

It depends on your crowd!

It would be extremely difficult for you to 'offend' me as a guests to your wedding or any pre-wedding event. If you had a registry and a spot for a honeymoon fund, I would likely buy you a gift from your registry and give cash rather than just adding money to that online fund. But that's only because I would want to show up with a gift in hand to your shower! If you want a honeymoon fund, you can definitely do that!