I have no idea where to start…
All I can say is that I did my best and I am not perfect and there are 2 sides to every story.
I guess I’ll start off with Ive planned my wedding for 2.5 years. I started before COVID. I’ll also add that many things in this year are not insane because of COVID. They were insane BECAUSE of rude people that I constantly let walk over me my entire life. I was so much more insecure, and not confident about decisions to where I really struggled in the beginning of this process and hired someone from work to help as the planner. What’s the problem with that?Well the planner invited herself to be a bridesmaid. She made it soo difficult to make choices. She was rude to vendors. When I asked to let my MOH/Cousin be the MOH and she and I do the planning… then she yelled at me and blamed it on getting the COVID vaccine. The bachelorette was socially a mess because ALL my bridesmaids either showed up or were diva’s and selfish and didn’t join ME to go out or left early. The lack of support…So I ended up removing bridesmaids and the planner in the last 3 months of planning. Saying “it isn’t a good fit for being in the wedding and as our planner.” The planner ended up calling me several curse words and mean girl and more. I called HR and explained the whole thing to them because I cant show up to work with someone thinking they can talk to me that way. another bridesmaid was negative the whole process and when i said it wasn’t a good fit she said that she never had any intention of going to the bachelorette and never said shed go. I told her I had to start drawing a line when people comment about my family and are disrespectful. People had to chip in and pay for her because she didn’t come. Another bridesmaid was constantly not showing up or asking to not come or not communicating. So when she didn’t show for the Bridal shower for the first 1hr and 15 min I called her and asked “is this what you want because I want you there but I am getting worried that you’ll be on time and you’ll be there.” She flat out told me she didn’t want to go to the shower and I should remover her like everyone else. I said no because it is worse when I have to do that and she needs to be honest with herself and ME. So she didn’t want to be one 1 month before the wedding. It honestly has been so embarrassing. I know I shouldn’t feel that way. But looking back I know i saw the weeds. I just cant believe I let it all go. So much to where the day of the wedding I couldn’t enjoy any of it and had to force myself to not think about everything.I still don’t know if I had fun at the wedding.I still think about making myself so busy that I cant think about it. I don’t get to spend time with him because he works so much. Everyone else had fun and when I write thank you cards I feel fake saying I had fun.Why do I feel so numb and sad and regretful. How do I change it to think of what was good?!Does anyone relate in ANY way?
I WANT to be happy and remember what I loved.
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