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Just Said Yes June 2021

Virtual Wedding Shower

Courtney, on February 7, 2021 at 1:50 PM Posted in Parties and Events 0 6

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Like many, we cannot invite everyone we would like to to our wedding. This includes much of my extended family. When calling around to family explaining why we couldn't invite them, one suggested a virtual bridal shower. This is certainly doable and my aunt has offered to host. The guests will be entirely family members, including some of whom will be attending the in-person shower (immediate family).

The issue we are having however is that tradition states that you don't invite anyone to a bridal shower that isn't invited to the wedding. Obviously this goes against that, so we want to make clear gifts are not necessary, we really just want to be able to spend time together and celebrate. However, knowing much of my family, some will still want to send a gift. In hopes of making sure no one feels obligated to send a gift, we are thinking of not opening gifts during the shower, but calling those who do send gifts after the shower to thank them in addition to writing thank you notes. We also want to make sure those who would like to send a gift have registry info. The registry is on our wedding website, so we were thinking of listing website info on the shower invites, also to share the other aspects of the wedding like engagement pictures, wedding party, etc.
Has anyone else had a virtual shower with folks not invited to the wedding? How did you address gifts?

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6 Comments

Latest activity by Rebecca, on February 7, 2021 at 9:45 PM

VIP January 2020
Vicky · on February 7, 2021 at 7:47 PM
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You shouldn't invite anyone to a shower if they're not invited to the wedding. The whole purpose of a shower is to shower the bride/couple with gifts. No matter how many times or how many ways you say "No gifts," people will still feel obligated to send a gift.
How would not opening gifts at the shower keep people from feeling obligated to send a gift? They would send the gift before the shower; your activity at the shower itself would have no effect on their gift giving.
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Champion December 2022
Michelle · on February 7, 2021 at 7:58 PM
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I agree. This a perfect example of why retaining etiquette in a pandemic is so vital. Do not invite anyone not invited to the wedding. You will offend those who are not invited to the wedding though they will not let you know.
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Just Said Yes June 2021
Courtney · on February 7, 2021 at 8:27 PM
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Part of this issue is that they can't travel because of the pandemic. If following what "would be" outside of pandemic, they would be invited, so should we send invites anyways, completely disregarding us knowing they cannot come? By your logic of keeping etiquette, that would make sense. I understand etiquette, but the reality is that the pandemic Does change things. All of these family members I regularly see at least once a year, so I don't find it a stretch to want to celebrate with them. We aren't live streaming our wedding, so I think they would be more offended not being invited AND not being included in any way. I think not calling it a shower would help, but not including those who are important to me, who I haven't been able to see in person because of the pandemic, simply because they cannot travel to the wedding is silly. I don't mean to be unkind, but my question was not if it was within etiquette, but how anyone else who's done it has pulled it off, so your comment is not at all helpful.
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VIP September 2020
Willow · on February 7, 2021 at 9:14 PM
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Call it a "family get together" or "bridal zoom" rather than a bridal shower. That is how guests don't feel pressured to send gifts.
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Devoted August 2023
Hhh · on February 7, 2021 at 9:22 PM
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I’ve been to several virtual showers recently and I’ll recommend not to open gifts regardless of the invite list 🙂 Virtual events can be really tough to keep people engaged, and opening gifts on camera can be pretty tedious (interactive games are way more enjoyable for everyone!). Calling it something besides a shower will help to discourage gifts, as will ensuring that everyone knows they will not be invited/attending the wedding. Taking an unpopular opinion, but family whose life milestones you have helped celebrate over the years will want to repay the favor and celebrate you, including a gift, even if a pandemic has prevented them from doing it in person. Personally, I’ve still sent gifts to cousins who married in the past year when I was uninvited due to size limits.
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Master August 2019
Rebecca · on February 7, 2021 at 9:45 PM
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I agree that I would change to a family/bridal zoom, rather than a shower.
If people DO want to send you something off the registry, I suggest that the host discreetly send the registry link to those who *ask for it*.
Without a registry link, people won't feel required to send a gift - nor will they need to be told "no gift required" - but also Great-Aunt Muriel can still ping your aunt/mom and send a gift *if she wants*.
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