Upset... Bachelorette Party Canceled..

Meant to say few HOURS away. Not Houses.

Can you have a separate party with your bridesmaids rather than a combined party?

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I have the same question. If they were already trying to plan a party, I think it's fine to go back to them and explain your other plans fell through. They should have plenty of time to organize something between now and June.

View Quoted Comment I'm sure they could. But it is just kinda the purpose of it. Maybe I'm over thinking it. Marriage is important to both of us and the fact his bestman went behind our wishes just really upsets both of us.

View Quoted Comment I'm going to have to do that. Maybe I'm hormonalor something and more upset than I need to be about it.

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I'm confused because you are commenting from a different account than the one who made this post.

View Quoted Comment I am too. This is probably my old account before covid. I don't know what I am doing. 😪

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Oh okay! That makes more sense. I would definitely talk to your friends. Combined parties aren't all that common and maybe the friend decided he didn't want to throw a combined party anymore, but wasn't sure how to tell you. I'm sure if you explain the situation to your friends they would love to throw you a bacherlotte party. Plus they have two months to plan which is honestly plenty of time.

View Quoted Comment Thank you! I really appreciate it. It's probably what I'm going to have to do to make the situation better for me. Lol.

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OK. I would hope marriage is important to both of you! But bachelor/bachelorette parties don't really have anything to do with marriage, so I would decide to separate them in your head. You can have a lovely wedding and nice marriage whether or not you have the pre-party you planned or the one your friends plan.

Also, try to stop focusing on this person "going being your back", since you can't actually force him to change his party plans, especially since he has invited other people who aren't involved in your wedding (is this correct? I'm not exactly sure since I don't know who the multiple references to "the Marines" includes).

I mean you sort of have a right to be upset… Judging by your post it sounds like there were definite plans that were made and then he just decided to take the liberty to change them. Have you asked him why he decided to do this instead? Have you talked to any of the other wives/girlfriends that might know about this party that are now no longer invited? Did you talk to your FH about this? I’m assuming your FH is going to be surprised or question this when you both were initially under the impression it was a joint party.

I completely understand you being upset. I would be as well if I were in your shoes. I’m sorry this happened hun. 😞 & I agree with the other ladies’ opinions. & even though this all isn’t okay (at least in my opinion) and that mainly he really shouldn’t have done what he did (the best man) or if he felt what he did was necessary he should’ve at least talked with you about it long ago...it really doesn’t change the most important things. Which is you’re with your soulmate, the love of your life. & soon you’re going to marry your best friend and spend forever with them. I also agree that your loved ones/whoever wanted to host/throw a party for you has plenty of time to do so and make it spectacular. 🎉 Your feelings are still valid though regardless.🤍 And I would have a word with said ‘best’ man. Because again at least in my opinion. His behavior was not appropriate and especially not best man material. Maybe I’m being too harsh but I call it how it is (especially when I feel a certain way—I feel that everyone should know when you’re upset with them and why and you shouldn’t ever hold anything in. Especially big issues. Because (even small problems) will just grow and grow then explode on you to make everything even worse than it is now, later on.) and also this is all just my own opinion. Coming from a place of love and kindness for both sides. If someone does something I’m not okay with/approve of and I especially care for/love that person I would speak with them. I just would ask the best man something like what was up with this/why it all happened how it did kind of thing. Not sure on the wording though. I’m not always the best at wording things 😂. Perhaps have both of you. Your and your SO speak with him. Maybe even after all the events/the wedding as well. It can help smooth things over and add consolation/tamp out any potential resentment or negative feelings toward him. Seems like a simple communication issue. Again though-small mistakes can make large issues though- and he should’ve had enough respect for you to have a simple conversation. Even just a short, sweet & to the point convo at that. And even if he did change his mind with the whole joint party. He should spoke with you. I also DON’T AGREE at ALL that he can have his wife there at the party (according to the post if I read it correctly) but NO ONE ELSE CAN HAVE THEIR WIVES THERE???????
That’s not cool 🤣
Unless for some valid reason like he’s worried about her safety where they live when he is away etc etc and also especially if she will be going but not really be part of anything since it is a *bachelor party** like she’ll just be in another room while the men are hanging out/go for walks or to the spa etc. so then essentially something like that would be different and be pretty much like she wasn’t really there/not there to throw off their guy/bro time. Whatevs either way. Again just all my opinion. I would be immensely upset though. Sending positive vibes. Love and hugs your way. 🥂 🤍 Hope it all works out asap and also let us know what plans/kind of bachelorette party your loved ones planned for you and maybe some fun pictures of it when it happens. 🥳🍾🤍

People often feel these parties are for the friends or WP to plan. When a spouse/ SO gets involved, it is hard to put them in their place and say, we aer planning our ideas and think you should stay out. He was listening to you on one side, all the guys on the other. Too bad you turned down your friends because you wanted something you thought was better. Can't really go back and say, you are better than no pne.

Just do something with your bridesmaids and have a good time men really want there time and I want mine. I would never combine them together. Go and have fun sweetheart

I think you should talk to him and tel him how you feel. There is no harm in having a conversation about it, if y’all are family than you sit him down and just talk about it. The last thing you want to do is be upset with him on your wedding day and not entirely enjoy everything. I think it was wrong of him not saying anything. But talk to your girls and I’m sure they will come through end you’ll have the time of your life. I’m so sorry this happened to you. ❤️

So what did the best man say when you spoke with him after finding out about the change of plans?

Since you are also blaming the MOH, is she the Best Man's wife that IS invited?


I would be extremely upset and feel betrayed if it was me. Definitely talk to the BM first and ask why he changed the plans without talking to you. I would also say, no reason you can't still have your own party.

It is the Best Man and the other guy friends who are supposed to decide what they want to do. Not the bride. And if you talk to him, what he is likely to say is, a bunch of us, including 2 grooms and their BM, and lots of mutual friends, wanted an all male bachelor party for the 2 grooms. Not what you the bride want. And he would be completely in the right. That is a bachelor party.
If the BM had kept interfering with things for your wedding, sending a polka band to see yoi, arranging to buy beer garden decorations, you would say Hold everything. Stop. The wedding is for the bride and groom to plan, not the BM. You would ask him to respect your boundaries.
Well, based on a conversation months ago, you may have suggested a joint party. But clearly, he went to the other guys. And their group planned to overlap 2 guys ( grooms) bachelor parties, and not do joint with you. .He has done nothing wrong. It is not the bride ( or groom) s place to plan this. They are setting their boundaries, just as you would if someone interfered with your wedding. Why not be gracious, accept that people did not want to go through with your suggestion. The BM and otger guys will do tge party, as they are supposed to. And if there are ladies who want to do one for you, they will. If not, okay. But don't treat BM as though he has done anything wrong. He hasn't. BM and guys, plan bachelor parties, usually in the last 3-5 months. Check.