V
Champion July 2019

Struggling

Veronica, on January 22, 2020 at 11:29 AM Posted in Married Life 0 25
Saved
Reply
My husband and I got married in July which is when I quit taking birth control because we wanted to have a baby. Since coming off of it, I have yet to have a period. I have taken a bunch of tests and now I'm having more done to see if I possibly have PCOS as I have one cyst on my left ovary and a few small on my right. I never had any issues before going on the pill and I was on it for 3.5 years. My husband and family have been trying to convince me that until we know anything not to freak out. But I am so worried how this will effect not only me because I can't imagine not being able to have children, but also my marriage. My husband has wanted children the entire time I've known him and that was a huge deciding factor in when he proposed. My mom was diagnosed with PCOS at 15, but she had two children so I know it is possible it just really scares me. Has anyone been through something similar or knows someone who has? If so how did you deal with it?

25 Comments

Latest activity by Cherry, on January 23, 2020 at 11:56 AM
  • Amber
    Master February 2020
    Amber ·
    • Flag

    I completely agree with your husband and family, please try your hardest not to stress about this until you know for sure if something is wrong. I know how easy it is to put ourselves in the state of mind of "what if the worst thing happens", but you just have to try your hardest to think of it as "what if the best thing happens" instead. And if things do turn out poorly, your husband will still love you as much as he does now. Have you ever talked about the possibility of either one of you not being able to have children as a hypothetical situation in the past? FH and I had that conversation and as much as we'd hate it if we couldn't have our own biological child, we would still find a way to have a family, probably through adoption. Keep your head up during this time and try to stay in positive spirits. No matter what happens, you and your husband will still be there for each other. Sending you best wishes Smiley heart

    • Reply
  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
    • Flag
    I also have PCOS, and as much as I know it feels like it right now, I promise it’s not the end of the world. Like your mother’s case, some women with our diagnosis get pregnant with zero problems. Some women need help from medications or simple procedures like IUI. It’s rare that cases are so severe that drastic measures like IVF are necessary. Your body may just need extra time to bounce back from birth control, especially if you were on it for a long time. I would focus on figuring out what’s going on with your body and taking care of yourself. Once you’re back to 100% there are tons of ways to have a family.
    • Reply
  • Shamaree
    Dedicated February 2020
    Shamaree ·
    • Flag
    I’m sorry this is so stressful for you! I got off of birth control almost 1.5 years ago and I’ve only had 3 periods. Your body takes time to adjust after BC. I’m still trying to figure it all out myself. Easier said than done, but your family is right...try not to freak out until you know what’s really going on. Freaking out won’t do anything but keep you feeling overwhelmed. Once you know what’s going on, you’ll be better able to problem solve so in the meantime do what you can to remain calm, do things to relax or things you can enjoy and utilize your support system.
    • Reply
  • Vannesa
    Expert June 2022
    Vannesa ·
    • Flag

    I have PCOS and didn't know till I came off of BC. The BC controlled my symptoms of PCOS so I never had any idea. FH and I started trying 2 years ago and I got pregnant which I never thought would happen. Despite it all I did have a MC but you can't think you won't be able to have children just look at some fertility diets and PCOS diets and try and gradually get there. You don't need to freak out as plenty of women who have PCOS have gotten pregnant. But trust me I know how you feel I was one who did freak out.

    • Reply
  • Jennifer
    Super March 2020
    Jennifer ·
    • Flag
    I was in a similar boat for awhile. I was on birth control and it created a ton of health issues. Some of which still linger today. I decided that birth control wasn't worth a lifetime of health issues and went off of it for purposes of wanting to conceive way down the road. My body took awhile but I now have the most regular periods, I ovulate like clockwork and I am not irritable, fatigued and bloated like I once was. Try to take a breather and let the body learn to regulate itself again. You relaxing and letting the body heal will be the best case scenario for everyone.
    • Reply
  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    I think part of me freaking out is because I have a coworker who was PCOS and she has gone through IVF and everything else and nothing has worked so that's only making me worry more.
    • Reply
  • Kathryn
    VIP August 2020
    Kathryn ·
    • Flag
    I have pcos as well as my mom - she had three kids perfectly fine with zero issues getting pregnant - and I realized when I was in college and would go months without a period. I tried to pass it off as a reprieve, but now that I am a confirmed type 2 diabetic you really want to run the tests and make sure! I am currently dealing with insulin resistance mostly around the time of my periods - it's great, let me tell you - so some days I can eat normally and others I can't even look at bread. But I'm ok. This is a worst case scenario with pcos and much more likely with family history. All doctors have told me I should have no trouble getting pregnant. My mom got pregnant her first time. Just take a deep breath and relax. Even if you're dealing with pcos, you're not alone. And it can be managed!
    • Reply
  • Chelsea
    Beginner October 2020
    Chelsea ·
    • Flag
    I have PCOS. Look up OBGYN doctors who specialize in it and make an appointment. Advocate for yourself! It was such a relief to get a formal diagnosis and to learn ways they can address possible infertility down the road. The doctor will order labs and likely doing an internal ultrasound to confirm the diagnosis. They should go over ways they can assist you in becoming pregnant, but don’t be afraid to ask questions!
    • Reply
  • OldSchoolKindaLove
    Devoted September 2018
    OldSchoolKindaLove ·
    • Flag

    I worked in the medical field for 5 years, during that time I learned a lot from nurses, doctors, pharmacist, and other medical staff members. Typically it takes up to 1 year from the time you discontinue using birth control for your cycle to normalize. Also as many other posters have stated they have PCOS and have gotten pregnant. Work and communicate with your doctor(s), try to remain calm and positive (easier said than done), and pray. Miracles happen everyday! In fact a friend of mine was told he had a 1 in a million chance of conceiving a child. He called me a month ago to tell me that he is going to be a father. After I congratulated the couple we discussed if they went through fertility assistance and they said no. They said they prayed about it a lot.


    Best wishes to you and your husband. Try to relax, everything happens for a reason.

    • Reply
  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    I went to one who ordered some blood work and ultrasound. The ultrasound showed small cysts on my right ovsrty and one on my left. He only told me about the one. He also didn't tell me some of my levels from my blood work would hint at PCOS. He just wanted to send me to IVF right away. After reading the report myself which says correlation with PCOS, I went to a different doctor who specializes menstruation. He ordered more blood work which would check more things as the first doctor didn't check enough. He is also checking for any genetics I might pass on to a baby because he says he likes to check all of it at once. I am on Progesterone for the second time as they are hoping it will kick start my body. If all of the results indicate that I have PCOS I will be referred to a reproductive endocrinologist.
    • Reply
  • Shelbi
    Savvy July 2021
    Shelbi ·
    • Flag
    I’ve heard a lot about Balance which is a product by alani nu and they have a lot of reviews from people with pcos and hormone issues impacting fertility. Not advertising by any means or trying to but I’ve followed the woman who created it for a while and she posts a ton of the reviews as well as what the product is intended for. I take it more for hormone balance and mood and can tell it’s made a huge positive impact in my life.
    • Reply
  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    We have talk about if it couldn't happen because my mom had uterine cancer in her earlier 30s so it was definitely a discussion we had. He said he isn't sure if he would be willing to adopt because he would be worried he wouldn't love an adopted child as much as his own biological child.
    • Reply
  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Thanks! Part of me feels like I cursed us because I didn't want to try to have a baby for the first year but my husband did and I kept telling my family how I didn't want a baby.
    • Reply
  • Shaina
    Expert October 2020
    Shaina ·
    • Flag

    AWW please do your best to stay centered. Usually with the pill you should get prego immediately. However, I feel like BC has a lot of hormone levels that women don't naturally have. Your body might need to re balance it out. I have also heard that losing a lot of weight(being underweight)/gaining a ton of muscle will stop periods because the testosterone levels. Wishing you the best Smiley heart

    • Reply
  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    I am working on losing weight. I gained like 10-15 pounds after going off BC so I have been eatung better and exercising normal. My mom thinks if I lose a little bit of weight it will come back. Since my mom had PCOS, she had trouble with her periods so she lost a bunch of weight right before she got pregnant with my brother.
    • Reply
  • Kelly
    Champion October 2018
    Kelly ·
    • Flag
    It can take up to a year for your cycles to regulate after coming off birth control. Some people with PCOS have no trouble getting pregnant, it all depends on if you ovulate normally. There are other steps before IVF as well like inducing ovulation with medicine and IUI. If you feel your doctor is not being thorough I would recommend looking into seeing a reproductive endocrinologist as well.
    • Reply
  • OldSchoolKindaLove
    Devoted September 2018
    OldSchoolKindaLove ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    Take time and enjoy being married. Perhaps focus on enjoying yourselves and each other. Most couples I know, who say they are trying to have a baby end up stressed out, aggravated, tired, etc. Let it happen naturally, and instead of feeling down about yourself not being pregnant try to focus on the "we get to try again" aspect. You aren't cursed, you shouldn't feel bad for not wanting to try for a baby in the first year of marriage, and if you don't want a baby right now that's okay too!

    The first year of marriage is an adjustment, learning, exciting, time. Enjoy it. Don't stress out about it! As I stated enjoy yourselves first, and let it all develop in time.

    • Reply
  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    I guess part of it is my husband has wanted a baby for 3+ years and I didn't until we were married. The other part is my mom was diagnosed with uterine cancer at 34 and I'm 26 so I feel like the longer it takes the more I worry I'm gonna follow in my mom's footsteps.
    • Reply
  • OldSchoolKindaLove
    Devoted September 2018
    OldSchoolKindaLove ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    Understandable. I would just take a step back, have the hard conversation about the negative what ifs and come up with a plan B, C, D....etc.

    Understand the following in mom's footsteps: My mother had endometriosis, had 2 kids. She also had a hysterectomy due to precancerous cells being found at age 35-36 and I turn 30 next week. My husband has wanted a kid for as long as I can remember and he has been my best friend from when I was 12. Due to complications with my cycles from the beginning, taking multiple birth controls without any relief, ovarian cyst removal surgery, and taking prescription pain meds for my menstrual cramps we had the hard conversation..

    I recently changed doctors and I was pretty determined that I wanted to undergo a partial hysterectomy which I am approved for due to my issues. At this time, I have decided to not undergo surgery, and I am working with my doctor to see if there are any alternatives. I have cysts and they suspect PCOS, but have not given a confirmed diagnosis. I see the doctor every 3 months so we are working toward a goal. I personally haven't had the desire to have kids, but my husband and I decided that we need to wait until I have a confirmed diagnosis to make a final decision. He's completely fine with the idea of never having kids, which was a lot of my stress. He has coworkers and friends ask all the time and he always responds the same, we aren't trying but we aren't not trying. Just taking it slow and enjoying our marriage, if it happens great if not it's not the end of the world.

    At least you have one another, and there is always adoption.

    • Reply
  • Deirdre
    Super March 2018
    Deirdre ·
    • Flag

    I didn't read through every comment, so maybe this came up and I missed it, but have you and your husband started couple's counseling about any of this? That would be my recommendation in addition to the other health advice/insights you've received. It just makes me nervous for you that your husband seems pretty set on having his own kids and not adopting. That shouldn't be the point of a marriage. IMO, you should be able to enjoy your marriage with or without children in the picture. If you start counseling now, you can work on your communication and how to best support each other. Some women are just unable to have children (not saying that's you, but there are no guarantees in life), if either of you don't feel like you would be happy in your marriage without children, I think now is the time to start talking about that. Even if you get pregnant, the couple's counseling won't hurt as far as helping you talk about the uncomfortable conversations and how to accept compromise and change. Best of luck. My thoughts and positive vibes are with you!

    • Reply

You voted for . Add a comment 👇

×

Related articles

WeddingWire celebrates love ...and so does everyone on our site! Learn more

Groups

WeddingWire article topics