So, I know this is crazy, but I still have this feeling of, "We didn't have our wedding". Even after a year, I don't feel like we had our wedding, we a had a wedding, but not ours. I expected little things to go wrong, but not the big things. Our venue was all wrong and I feel it didn't fit us, we chose it based off of a deal we couldn't pass up. Our wedding photos are mostly of wedding guests or action photos which are blurry and all a mess. Our wedding video is no existent because my videographer still has not produced the video despite multiple phone calls, text, and it's always due to some family emergency. She was fantastic with our engagement photos, but has not produced our video and it's been a year. Almost makes me wonder if the video was damaged and she doesn't have the heart to tell me.
Before you suggest it, I am already in therapy and actively seeing a counselor. I was doing better, but then my cousin got married last weekend. It was a rough day for me, I got ready was happy, and right before we left I didn't want to go. In fact if not for my husband I would not have gone. When it comes to anything wedding related, I feel depressed, and empty. Now, of course all my family and friends are passing around my cousins wedding photos online of the sneak peeks and they are all fantastic. Then I get questioned about where my wedding photos are, and I don't have any, except a few blurry photos and a lot of wedding guest photos. Not exactly something I care to share.