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B. Yvette
Dedicated March 2020

Still adjusting after almost one year of marriage 馃槣

B. Yvette, on February 13, 2021 at 10:25 AM Posted in Married Life 1 13

Hello brides!! It鈥檚 almost our one year wedding anniversary on March 28. Anyone else still having some challenges to married life from singlehood? I adore my husband and we鈥檙e a great match!!! However.... I鈥檓 still trying to adjust to things. Like, getting free spare time to myself, eating times, sleeping times, Etc. When I was single if I wanted to sleep at 6pm and then get up at 9 and have a snack then lounge around until I wanted to go to bed, it was no big deal. Being married that just is weird now, I guess since he wants to snuggle on the sofa watching movies after dinner, then go to bed at the same time. If I鈥檓 not hungry I don鈥檛 want to eat necessarily just because he鈥檚 hungry or wants to eat. I have little leisure time, he鈥檚 retired. Also, I was used to going where I want, when I want, however long I want but it鈥檚 of course different now since it鈥檚 polite to let someone know where you are. Even if I wanted to stay overtime at work for however long I wanted to, I feel guilty now because I hadn鈥檛 seen him since that morning. Plus I鈥檓 not used to this much food in the house. I鈥檓 vegan and he鈥檚 pretty much vegetarian though eats meat very occasionally, so there鈥檚 breads, cheeses, mayo, dairy products which I do not eat. Plus his snack stuff and sweets. He listens to news and radio talking heads shows, I don鈥檛 because it鈥檚 stressful to me. I enjoy quiet time in the morning because people are talking to me at work all day, he鈥檚 making music and news noise but uses headphones now 馃憤

So many other things he takes care of that I either don鈥檛 like doing or have time to do, which takes a great load off my shoulders, like housekeeping stuff, which he is way better at than me anyway since he鈥檚 the organized one and I鈥檓 not LOL, he cooks most of the time, cleans the kitchen and bathroom all the time, makes the bed, etc. Also anything to do with the car or house, and he鈥檚 very handy with tools. I take care of bill paying which is pretty simple with bank online bill pay. He鈥檚 such a romantic too, which I enjoy and always feel loved. We do talk thing out which is also sometimes a challenge for me but it鈥檚 interesting to know we can find a compromise solution to things.

Adjusting but I鈥檓 getting there!!! 馃憤鉂わ笍

13 Comments

Latest activity by B. Yvette, on February 17, 2021 at 10:43 PM
  • Natalie
    Super November 2020
    Natalie
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    Have you ever lived with a roommate or anyone before your marriage? Did he move into your place? Many of the things you describe are things dealt with when living with any other person. Also, if he moved into your apartment or home, you may want to consider getting a new place that belongs to the both of you so it doesn鈥檛 seem like an invasion of your space.
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  • Katie
    VIP August 2020
    Katie
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    B. Yvette you are not alone 馃槀 My husband and I too are a great match and have a lot in common (values, families are similar, similar life goals) but we remain different too. I take weekend naps while he loves to golf, he is extroverted, I鈥檓 introverted, I snack late, he doesn鈥檛 馃槀 perhaps these differences are our way of an opposites attract?! I鈥檝e had an impromptu coffee with a friend (thought it would be 30 minutes yet girl talk was so fun and 2 hours later) - totally forgot to call husband! Poor guy was worried sick - 馃槵 oops!! Still navigating here too 馃構鉂わ笍馃拹
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  • B. Yvette
    Dedicated March 2020
    B. Yvette
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    We actually lived together at least twice before in another state for a year, but otherwise it was for just a few days or weeks at a time while I was moving, with long distance travel and job stuff. Before that we each had our own place. Roommates I have had before in my younger days; one was awesome and the other two times were nightmares. I was sIngle for over 20 years after my divorce, but have known him in our relationship for 16. Yes, he moved into my home which is a lot bigger, when he moved across country to live here. We are planning a move to Washington state this spring, so all should be just fine by then. Except he wants a dog, and I鈥檓 not too sure about that. We will see.

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  • B. Yvette
    Dedicated March 2020
    B. Yvette
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    LOL yes good to know it鈥檚 not just me. I鈥檓 the extrovert and he鈥檚 the introvert in our connection. We also have plenty of similarities but also our differences, which we find ourselves laughing with each other about 馃榿

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  • A
    Dedicated March 2021
    Annika
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    I never lived with any of my ex-boyfriends before I met my FH and was always extremely independent. When we moved in together the first year was an adjustment for both of us, for sure. You have your own ways and he has his, suddenly you have to find new ways to navigate around. But it鈥檚 also so much fun to create new habits together. You鈥檒l find a middle balance, probably enjoy new, shared habits and someday look back to this post and laugh about it. You don鈥檛 have to get rid of your old habits and independence either. It will be just slightly different than it is now.
    Also, get that dog 鈽猴笍
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  • B. Yvette
    Dedicated March 2020
    B. Yvette
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    Yes, you are correct! We are doing it together, besides I鈥檓 sure he鈥檚 making adjustments as well. After the move, we will discuss the dog again. Definitely a compromise on that decision with more discussion 馃憤

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  • JM Sunshine
    August 2020
    JM Sunshine
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    This post made me laugh ... I have been married nearly 30 years to my husband. For the first 10 years he was in the Army and then following 20 years a police officer (both occupations gone nights, weekends, months, etc.). I was as single as can be be while still being married with a healthy amount of "me" time. Now he is retired and especially with Covid, around all the time! It's been an adjustment 馃ぃ
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  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Legend March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride
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    Omg, yes! The alone time, needing to check in. He also has a TON of junk food and I never did because I have no control. 馃槅 We just had a bad but important blow-out because the stress of being together 24/7, lockdown stress, and job instability. I expressed the need for date days, even if just a walk or drive someplace. We both realized we need alone time in the house which is tough since he鈥檚 furloughed and I鈥檓 working from home. But we talked it out and have a plan. And the past few weeks we鈥檙e really clicking again. 馃挄
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  • Mrs. Spring
    Master April 2021
    Mrs. Spring
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    That does sound like an adjustment. Best wishes
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  • MOB So Cal
    January 2019
    MOB So Cal
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    I can relate to both the OP and this PP.... Yes, it was a huge adjustment when H and I lived together the year before we were married more than 30 years ago.... Smiley winking But, we found good, workable patterns -- at least until he retired 5 years ago. I was still teaching, so working, but used to having the house to myself in the afternoon and during summer and vacations. Oh, my goodness, it was SO HARD to have him home ALL THE TIME! Smiley winking Then, I was teaching last spring when we went on Covid lockdown, so I was suddenly teaching online; we nearly killed each other! He was SO noisy and our internet service couldn't handle my live streaming needs and whatever he wanted to do in his office.... I retired this fall, so now we're back to trying to negotiate what life looks like when we're both home without significant regular commitments (especially during Covid when there aren't many places for either of us to go....

    Like they say, the only constant is CHANGE.... Keep talking and negotiating how you manage things together. My husband is a huge extrovert and I'm an even bigger introvert -- we're had to carve out specific time when I can be alone and/or he doesn't talk to me a lot.... LOL! Hang in! Smiley heart

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  • JM Sunshine
    August 2020
    JM Sunshine
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    Lol!! I am a teacher (at home for DL) and still have 6 years before I can retire. Meanwhile, retired hubby makes a lot of noise and interjects a few expletives while watching the news. Like you, I'm the intovert and he's the extrovert. Thank God he has a motorcycle and I encourage him to take frequent trips馃ぃ. It sounds like we need to start our own forum...I'm sure soon-to-be/new brides don't want to hear from us 30+ MOBs 馃槀
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  • Alexis
    Savvy July 2021
    Alexis
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    Liked others said, all of this is pretty normal! It is definitely a challenge to create new routines together, but remember that its also ok to be independent too. Overall, my advice is to communicate what you want! Some of the things aren't even going to be problems. And those that are problems/annoying can be solved!


    For example my husband doesn't like leftovers, so when grocery shopping I buy things that he can easily make and eat for himself, like a frozen pizza, especially for nights I don't want to cook or an feeling an urge for cereal for dinner. I'm basically like, "I'm not cooking you're on your own." And it's fine. We're both also introvert so we just communicate when we do and don't want to hang out, including going to bed together or not (although he frequently falls asleep on the couch and I wake him up to go to bed haha). And things like going where you want and when, try and have a discussion of what you both expect from each other. Me and my husband don't really have a rule besides let the other person know, but do what works for you! Hope this helps.
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  • B. Yvette
    Dedicated March 2020
    B. Yvette
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    Thanks so much for sharing!! I definitely see a lot of me and him and us in your thoughtful responses. Making our way through some interesting challenges, for sure. For example, we talked about private time for myself and he鈥檚 fine with it 鈥 I head to the gym right after work at least three days a week and stay at work as long as I want, with no guilty feelings anymore if I hadn鈥檛 seen him since 7am. I eat when I want and if I just want a smoothie, it鈥檚 cool. If I鈥檓 tired, I nap. He ironed a shirt by himself, is making a new seafood recipe for us this weekend, and agreed to hide his snacks. 鉂わ笍馃憤

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