So Angry

It can be hard when you try so much to get pregnant, and people are getting pregnant and having babies around you. I sorry you are struggling. I am also sorry for my bluntness........you do not need to know if someone is pregnant. You husband probably didn’t want you to be sad or hurt about something that honestly has nothing to do with you. Yes, he withheld info that is currently important to you, but what would it have changed anything? Would it make a difference if she was buying a house with or without being pregnant? No. You can talk with him, and let him know that even if things that are sad or bum you out, you still want to know, because yes husbands shouldnt lie. As for being so angry at everyone. I think you are angry for other reasons. I can only imagine how upsetting and taxing it would be to try and conceive with out success. And yes, the world is unfair. A women who doesn’t want one gets one before you? but this doesn’t mean she will not love that little one, and be a good parent. Stay positive, keep trying, and don’t dwell and negativity and other people. Focus on you and being healthy in body and in spirit.

I wish you many positive and happy thoughts!

I completely understand how you feel. I got diagnosed with PCOS when I was 18. That was 22 years ago. Back then I was told it was just a "cosmetic issue" but come to find out in my early 20's that I would likely not ever be able to have kids. It is devastating. Even at 40 it still gets to me because I cannot afford rounds and rounds of IVF and adoption is astronomically priced...my FH have chatted about it and we decided we will start with the fostering route after we are settled after the wedding and go from there. We may not be able to have biological kids, but we can still give love to a kid who needs it.

Thank you! It definitely helps to hear from someone that has PCOS and children. I didn't have my period for 9+ months so it has finally become normal again so hopefully we will be able to conceive soon. It's just hard to hear that someone who didn't want children is having a baby when I want one so badly.

I truly understand where you're coming from; it took us 8 yrs to have our "miracle baby" 25+ yrs ago. At the time I worked in a large corporate HR dept where 98% of the staff were females, mostly between 22-35. It felt like there was a pregnancy announcement every other week and sometimes we held baby showers for a couple of people at a time in order to appropriately "celebrate" everyone. Honestly, it was incredibly depressing for me. I had to publicly act happy and excited for each new mom, while inside I felt like I was dying.... I also agree with pps that it's likely your husband was trying to avoid upsetting you further. Between my issues and the various treatments, I was one big uncontrollable hormonal storm -- sometimes my husband couldn't even guess what might send me into wild sobbing fits or spontaneous rage.... It's okay to feel however you feel, but I think it's also important to realize your husband is likely struggling too, so try to understand his heart was likely in the right place. In terms of your friend, I'd do all you can to acknowledge your anger/resentment toward her is misplaced; it's really about your situation not hers. Finally, I'd encourage you to consider some counseling -- your doctor should be able to refer you and/or your employer might have an EAP (Employee Assistance Program) which covers at least a few counseling visits. Infertility is incredibly stressful and often becomes all-consuming. After about 7 years we decided to "stop trying" and attempt to move on as a childless couple -- a few months later I was very surprised to find out we were expecting! No guarantees obviously, but don't give up hope!

I totally get it. Some of our best friends at the time had three school aged kids, and then one of their teenage nieces got pregnant. She was a mess, didn't want the baby, and actually asked our friends to take her baby and raise it.... They declined, but did invite her and the baby to come live with them so she'd have some support in the early days of motherhood. At the time all I could think was WHY did a teen mom get pregnant with a baby she kind of wanted to "give away," but we couldn't???? We have a huge loving family that we were lucky enough to spend a lot of time with; one Christmas Eve, we had to duck out early because there were too many babies in the mix and I'd gotten my period that morning. It was just more than I could manage.... A few years later, those same cousins threw me the biggest most awesome baby shower. Try to hang in (and consider talking with someone and/or joining an infertility support group) -- good luck!

Thank you for your support! I am definitely considering speaking with a therapist like my husband suggested. Every time I put it out of my mind it's like someone is suddenly posting on Facebook that they're pregnant. My husband also asked me if he's not enough for me which only made me feel worse because I know he wants a baby just as bad.

Oh, my goodness...we had SO many of those types of conversations! At one point I told my doctor I needed to go off all the drugs, or I likely wouldn't have a marriage to have a baby in due to all the hormone craziness.... It took a long time, but it was such a relief when we finally got to the "acceptance" phase of our journey/grief and started to focus on what a life of just the two of us would look like. We even booked a second-honeymoon to Ireland and started looking forward to that. Then I turned up pregnant and my doctor figured with all we'd been through it would be better if I stuck close to home, so we canceled. 26 years later, the beginning of this year, we finally rebooked that canceled trip (our "miracle baby" is now a married woman and we've retired ), of course, now Covid forced us to postpone again! Hopefully, it won't be another 25 yrs! Again, hang-in!

Thanks again