Should we go to our friends wedding across the country?

I don't think that's bad at all to not attend. It sounds like you're not super close to them anyway to go. You could always send a gift in lieu of not attending.

Agree with PP....But...on the other hand, you can use this as a mini vacation and a pre-baby moon opportunity as well. Its a tough call...if you can make the trip into something special for you, I would consider it. If you are going solely for the wedding then coming home, then the cost wouldn't be justifiable.

I think if you're not thrilled about going, you could easily get out of going without coming across rude. Definitely send a gift, but a simple "we don't have it in our finances right now" for a destination wedding (for you and your husband at least). I think they'd understand.

If you're not into it, don't go. Everyone's circumstances are different! Sending a gift would be so very thoughtful though. My husband and I won't travel for weddings unless we're very close to the couple.

I’m not going to my cousin’s wedding. They’re doing a destination wedding in Cancun in January. It’d cost me about $2,000 between airfare, Transportation, and the resort stay for 3 days. I have my own wedding to pay for, and I just can’t afford it. (Not to mention i could go on a really nice week long vacation to Europe for that kind of money). They were completely understanding. If you just can’t swing it, or simply don’t want to, they shouldn’t blame you for that. If they do, they weren’t very good friends in the first place.

Send a gift, wish them well, but don’t feel pressured to go to the wedding if you don’t want to.

I think it's fine if you and your husband don't go!

We try out hardest to go to every wedding possible, regardless of location or time. Last year, with 2 months notice, we flew to New York in December (from Denver) for a wedding of a friend my husband knew from the military. FYI, they had 10 months notice for our wedding and didn't make it, didn't send back their RSVP card (husband had to text him), didn't send a card or gift. Needless to say, that friendship is over.

I think the reason we go to all weddings is because my husband missed one of his best friend's wedding when we were in college. Neither of us were working (or we were working very part time) so we really couldn't afford the trip to Georgia and we had 2 months notice so not a lot of time. Looking back, it's one of his biggest regrets and we should have just charged it to a credit card and gone. So we are hypersensitive about not missing weddings.

View Quoted Comment

We would definitely send a gift.

View Quoted Comment

Definitely could try! But we aren't sure we will even be pregnant yet. I'm really hoping to be, but it's not that easily controlled. We'd rather put the $1000 into savings for baby than on a trip we don't really need to take, ya know?

View Quoted Comment

We've only traveled for one other wedding and it was to my hometown for my cousins wedding. That was a 14 hour drive, but much more affordable. California is just so far from us, and the expense isn't really worth the 3 days we'd be there.

View Quoted Comment

Thank you!

I may have missed it, but I didn’t read when the wedding actually is. I know there’s a save the date rsvp, but that could be a very long time ahead of the wedding and that isn’t necessarily an accurate way of figuring out who’s going to come. If you’re just getting your feet on the ground financially, I would not risk that for this wedding. However, depending on when the wedding is, there could be sales on airfare and prices for hotels could go down. That could make this wedding a little more affordable and realistic for you. Since it was a coworker, do you have any other coworker friends going? You could also go by yourself or with a friend and leave your husband at home so he doesn’t have a short paycheck. You are not at all required to go, and I’m sure your friend knows that many people are going to be having the same thoughts as you. So maybe instead of giving a definite response now, just talk to your friend and simply tell her you don’t know yet since you clearly want to be there if possible.

View Quoted Comment

We have only missed 1 wedding out of all of the weddings we've been invited to. (I'd say we've at least been to 12ish together.) And the wedding we missed was because it was a weekend I was traveling for work. We don't put expenses on credit cards that we don't need to. We've worked hard to knock down debt and a trip isn't really something that I'd ues the credit card for. It's more-so for cheaper expenses like groceries and gas, and emergencies like when my tire blew out. I feel bad missing the wedding but I don't think I'll lose a ton of sleep over it honestly.

View Quoted Comment

Right, we don't use our credit cards anymore either but I meant in college and seeing how we had no credit card debt we probably could have paid off the $800 charge fairly quickly. We didn't end up charging it, but looking back, we should have. If you don't think you'll lose a ton of sleep, then you should miss it! I 100% know not everyone is like us, but that's just how we are always thinking weddings are very important to go to.

View Quoted Comment

The wedding is in March! I might not have posted that detail. I have 1 other coworker going but even then, I'd hate to leave my husband home because we are all friends. We aren't just getting on our feet, we've been financially secure, we just would rather use our savings towards things that will benefit us, like helping with a hospital bill for a baby or house projects we are hoping to finish soon. I have thought about sales and what not on flights but even then, is the expense worth it for a 3 day trip where the travel time home will be a whole day itself? Not sure, that's what I'm debating.

So I actually called one of my closest friends before we sent invitations. (I know him well enough to do this) I know what is happening in his life now and what will be happening in the next few months that could put a drain on finances. I let him know when the wedding would be and asked him to honestly let me know if coming would add more financial strain. He was grateful I called before sending the invitation because as much as he wants to celebrate our marriage (and would have made it happen if he had received the invitation), he would have a hard time swinging it right now. And you know what, I'm totally ok with that!! He is about to embark on a new adventure and as much as I want him and his husband with me at such an important moment, I need him to take care of his own family right now. So what I'm trying to get at here is if you can be happy about spending that time and money to be there for your friends, then go and celebrate with them. If not, they will understand that life revolves all on its own and in its own way for each of us.

I don't know if anyone can answer this question but you. Think it over some more. If you do decide to decline, don't feel guilty. Destination weddings are super expensive. Sometimes you just have to say "no" to someone else in order to say "yes" to something for yourself. Doesn't make you selfish.

There is definitely a lot of expenses to that, so I think you're fine not attending.

I wouldn't go. Not unless I was super super close to someone. That's too much money for just a casual friend and house projects eat up SO MUCH MONEY.

I agree with pp's. You do not have to go especially if it will set you back financially.