OldSchoolKindaLove
Devoted September 2018

Romance

OldSchoolKindaLove, on January 24, 2020 at 4:46 PM Posted in Married Life 1 10
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I'm a hopeless romantic. Grew up on Disney movies, Nicholas Spark Novels, etc. Now we all know none of those things happen and Prince Charming isn't a real Prince. However, I find myself craving some romance and spontaneity in my life. My husband used to be pretty good at being romantic, but it's dwindling. I'm trying to think of a nice way to let him know how much I miss this.

For instance, I have had family and friends over to our house and when they come they want to watch our wedding video. So, of course I am going to play it and watch it with them. This past weekend while watching the video with a friend of mine, my husband walked in and said, " You're watching this again?" in a semi-joking tone, and then left the room. Then he later made a comment during our first dance of, "You better be glad our ceremony ran late and we were behind schedule because I was supposed to sing this song to you during our dance." I was like that would have been wonderful! So, I'm not sure if our wedding video bothers him because there was so much more we had planned for our wedding than we actually got to do.....or what it is.

I try to do something romantic, spontaneous, etc for him at least once a month if not more. For instance, usually he cooks because I hate cooking. So I try to make it a point to cook dinner, fix his plate, and sit at the table to talk about anything he wants (usually hunting, fishing, etc.). Other times, I let him pick the movie, make the popcorn, pick up extra snacks and curl up on the couch to just enjoy a night in...(I have watched John Wick movies for the past 2 months....and never complain.)

He knows my Love Language is Quality Time, and I know his is Acts of Service. Any advice moving forward to help us rekindle the romance in our relationship?

10 Comments

Latest activity by OldSchoolKindaLove, on February 3, 2020 at 11:20 AM
  • Caitlin
    Devoted September 2021
    Caitlin
    • Flag
    Mine is also Quality Time and my FH is Acts of Service. We have been together 5 years so I have also felt the lack of romance sometimes. It's usually then that I ask to go somewhere new, or plan a date for us. Also picking up little things from the store that the other likes. (He buys me my favorite M&Ms sometimes, and sometimes I'll buy him his favorite candy or a spontaneous beer if I'm thinking about him) and those tokens go a long way with us because we're each busy but we make time and serve one another simultaneously in that way. I'm trying to think of other things but that's all I have right now....
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  • Caitlin
    Devoted September 2021
    Caitlin
    • Flag
    I JUST THOUGHT OF SOMETHING. He likes hunting and fishing, right? Sponsor a day out for him. Cover the cost of the bait and the new lure he wants, or gear he needs, or pack a lunch or something and say "You go and take a day and have fun." I have done Sponsored Game Nights for my FH and bought him a pizza and snacks and left him alone for 12 hours and he was so thrilled and so relaxed/revived after because he got to do something he loves that relaxes him and you supported him in his hobby, which is going to make him feel valued and I think it brings the spark back, because he will want to return the favor for you.
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  • Jennifer
    Super March 2020
    Jennifer
    • Flag
    Here is my advice. I was told a long time ago that we cannot assume the other person knows what we need at all times. If we need a romantic night out then we need to ask for it or plan it ourselves. I would say that I am a quality time and affirmation type girl, and he is touch. Because i know my needs in our relationships, I often book us reservations at new foodie hotspots, movies and even bakeries. I also often suggest a comedy club, indy 500 races, concerts, etc. He is always down to go, but generally doesn't plan these things on his own. If he ever isn't down to go, I usually go out and do it anyway! This works for us because I get my quality time and he can hold my hand. Haha maybe taking charge in planning may help rekindle some fire!
    • Reply
  • Caitlin
    Devoted September 2021
    Caitlin
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Yes!! I am learning right now to ask for what I need and not assume he can read my mind. 馃槉
    • Reply
  • Jennifer
    Super March 2020
    Jennifer
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    It honestly helps so much. I used to get so upset that my exes couldn't read my mind. I was in shock that they didn't just get it! With my current fiance, I finally had a change of heart in how I communicate. I tell him what I want to do, make fun suggestions, etc. I can almost guarantee you that this will get you some romantic dates!
    • Reply
  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Legend March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride
    • Flag
    My hubby & I JUST talked about communication last night. He said 鈥淲omen need to ask for what they want. Guys are dumb. They鈥檙e not mind readers. A woman should say 鈥楾his is important to me鈥 so that he really knows.鈥


    馃槷 馃挕
    • Reply
  • Dierdra
    Super August 2021
    Dierdra
    • Flag

    So when I am feeling a lack of, I push out the romance. Little notes all over the house, date night hint hunts. Sometimes i'll just buy his favorite beer and snacks and stick a thinking of you note on it. For him, he sometimes takes the hint or it will start the conversation of remember when you planned this or did that - I loved it. We also have open conversations where I say you've been busy all week I'm really needing some us time - we do no phone at dinner now and we try to spend an hour or two together each evening - whether I get up early or he stays up a little later at night sometimes I just get up and tag along to Home Depot and help him get the stuff we need for our flip.

    Sometimes I think we also forget about the little things. my fH does things like - i know you're working extra this week so I turned off your alarm and made dinner so you didnt have too or he started tea for me. I'm practicing being super grateful for the little things he does too!

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  • OldSchoolKindaLove
    Devoted September 2018
    OldSchoolKindaLove
    • Flag

    I guess it's just hard right now because he wants to go hunting every weekend. I just overheard a conversation of two ladies talking the other day saying that during hunting season she's what's called a "Hunting Season Widow" and the other said she was a "Fantasy Football Widow." I guess that makes sense if your husband is always gone doing something every single weekend/weeknight/etc. and you're left alone.

    I have a special Valentine's Day planned this year, hoping that rekindles the spark. I planned a boudior session, bought a new lingerie, and an extra item or two he's been hinting around about getting. I should have the photos back before Valentine's Day! The hardest part has been keeping it a secret, but if I can pull this off I think it'll be worth it.


    • Reply
  • Cherry
    Expert February 2020
    Cherry
    • Flag

    Sometimes spontaneous just doesn't exist, especially if you don't have the time or the financial means to just whisk yourselves away on a getaway or take off for couple's massages, etc. I find that in my relationship the romance is definitely lacking, and when it gets really bad I think he senses it and he'll buy me my favorite snack or he'll hand me the remote and say, "Wanna watch Say Yes to the Dress?" even though he hates that show! I will often also just tell him when I need more attention from him, and I also check in with him as well, saying things like, "Do you need me to step up in any way? Have I been ignoring any of your needs?" This helps to not put the pressure on him, and to remind him that we're equals and that I take responsibility for my half in the romance department.


    Would he be against you going fishing with him? Or do you absolutely NOT like doing that? LOL.

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  • OldSchoolKindaLove
    Devoted September 2018
    OldSchoolKindaLove
    • Flag

    Fishing is fun, when it's actually warm outside. Spring, Summer, Fall I am completely open to. Not so much in the winter when it's cold outside.

    Winter is always hard, I have depression and anxiety and these both tend to be a little harder in the winter months. I thought we would still date after we got married.

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