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Dedicated September 2023

Rehearsal Dinner Nicer Than Reception? Is it weird?

Anna, on January 20, 2023 at 8:14 AM Posted in Parties and Events 0 11

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So FH’s parents (FFIL & FMIL) are divorced and remarried. When FH’s sister got married a few years ago, FMIL planned just about everything & did not invite FFIL or his side to the rehearsal or rehearsal dinner. Also FFIL wanted to give a speech at the wedding but they said no because none of the parents were doing that & FFIL had never communicated that he wanted to.

Now for our wedding, FFIL has requested to host the rehearsal dinner at the country club he is a member of. He said he wants to give a speech but so can any other parents, & FMIL & her husband are invited & he won’t make anything weird. Which I appreciate. He also wants the invites for the rehearsal dinner to clearly say that it is hosted by him, which is whatever.
My concern is that our actual wedding reception is in a bar/grill banquet hall (ceremony will be at a church). It’s a pretty nice space, but pretty plain, & food won’t be fancy. We chose it because we like the space, their food, & it is much cheaper than anywhere else we looked.
My question is: is it tacky or weird for the rehearsal dinner to be ‘fancier’ than our actual wedding? Will people be underwhelmed & think less of all my work on the reception after going to a nicer place the day before?

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11 Comments

Latest activity by Michelle, on February 5, 2023 at 8:46 PM

VIP August 2021
Michelle · on January 20, 2023 at 8:20 AM
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Yes and yes. I also think you are caught in the middle of family that's trying to one up each other. Have your FS speak to his father about your joint concerns. Your wedding is a different vibe and you and FS are in charge, not FMIL. Plus, the rehearsal dinner is optional. I did not have one. It will also not include all guests but just family and wedding party (if any). He may feel disappointed that his speech won't reach everyone, but his own agenda is not your fault.
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Dedicated September 2023
Anna · on January 20, 2023 at 9:22 AM
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That is good feedback, thank you!
I do appreciate that he is saying FMIL will be invited & can give a speech if she wants. I knew he wanted to host the rehearsal dinner but was worried he’d say she couldn’t come, in which case I would have refused.
We did call FMIL & asked her how she felt & she said it all sounded fine & she was not bothered at all & she wouldn’t make anything uncomfortable.Part of me feels like since everything sounds like it will be fine between FMIL & FFIL, that I shouldn’t care. I don’t really want to spend time thinking about the rehearsal dinner so maybe I just let him do what he wants & I concentrate on my actual wedding…But then I was worried about it making my reception look bad in comparison. I’m guessing that there will be extended family from out of town at the rehearsal dinner.
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VIP October 2022
Paige · on January 20, 2023 at 12:19 PM
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Could you talk to FFIL about picking a different venue for the rehearsal dinner? It sounds like that's really the crux of the issue as he and your FMIL both seem to be handling the guest list maturely. It's not an unreasonable request that the rehearsal dinner not outshine the wedding itself.
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Master October 2023
Cece · on January 20, 2023 at 12:49 PM
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I completely agree with this. It doesn’t sound like there is any sort of issue, other than the fact the rehearsal dinner is going to outshine the wedding reception. If that bothers you, I would simply request a change of venue for the rehearsal dinner. But, if it doesn’t bother you, then there is nothing wrong with going with this plan! Besides, only a small portion of your guests will be in attendance at the rehearsal dinner. The majority of your guests won’t be attending both, so there will be no comparison.
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Champion November 2054
Jacks · on January 20, 2023 at 1:54 PM
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As a guest, I wouldn't care.
As a bride, I'd be irked by FFIL's need to be the big shot. Kind of depends on what you're willing to tolerate. Sounds like he's making a point with hosting this event, which is annoying for sure.
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VIP January 2019
Maggie · on January 20, 2023 at 6:06 PM
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I don't think it would be tacky or weird for the rehearsal dinner to be fancier than the wedding, but I do admit it would surprise me as a guest. I am a fan of casual weddings, so no criticism about that, but an event at a country club is a certain vibe that just doesn't...match what will be happening the next day.
I would either decline your FFIL's offer (since you don't actually need a rehearsal/rehearsal dinner or your future spouse should talk to his dad about changing to a more casual venue.
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Super July 2022
Shannon · on January 21, 2023 at 12:54 AM
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Your FFIL is trying to make the rehearsal about him instead of it being about you and fiancé. I vote on skipping the whole thing since the venue is fancier and he’s trying to upstage the previous wedding.
He can give a speech at your wedding which should no more than 2 minutes. Lol.
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Dedicated June 2023
Mary · on January 21, 2023 at 6:28 PM
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It sounds like he wants to do something nice for you guys & is doing it the best way he knows how to. Imagine your own kid not letting you have any role in showing love on their wedding day down the road- he’s probably still feeling sad about his other kid not giving him a role & honestly that is kinda sad unless he’s a terrible person or something. I don’t think it’s a big deal if the rehearsal dinner is fancier- if that’s your FFIL’s lifestyle. Have you actually seen the rehearsal dinner space? Some CCs have pretty casual areas & won’t necessarily be white linen napkins or anything like that. Check it out first & then see how you feel. But also remember he’s probably offering it from a place of love in the best way he knows how. Kinda touches my heart lol. Best wishes.
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Super June 2021
Bird · on January 22, 2023 at 7:39 AM
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My rehearsal dinner was at a nice restaurant and then the next day we had our casual backyard wedding. I didn’t think about it upstaging our wedding at the time. Maybe encourage a casual attire at the country club? Also, I only had 20 people at the rehearsal dinner, whereas I had 75 at the wedding. Good luck!
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Just Said Yes July 2023
Sarah · on January 24, 2023 at 7:51 AM
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Absolutely not, definitely enjoy the experience and don’t let it take away from your big day. Both the rehearsal dinner and reception will be moments to remember. Allowing someone else to take over for the reversal will be a huge weight of your shoulders.
You are what makes a beautiful wedding not the simple or inexpensive decor… Hope you have a wonderful wedding
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Champion December 2022
Michelle · on February 5, 2023 at 8:46 PM
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As a guest, I wouldn’t care. Whatever you feel is valid. Unless you want to take over the planning and hosting of the rehearsal dinner and possibly create a major rift between you and in laws, accept them hosting the dinner and let it roll off your back. As a married couple, you can host parties of any formality anytime and the guests attending will graciously accept the hospitality you provide without judgement.
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